Being Called A Control Freak? How To Deal With Control Issue?

During this pandemic, the time of uncertainty, stress is accumulating so quickly that sometimes you get anxiety or even panic. To cope with the current stressors, it is important to reflect on how and what you pay attention to every day. If anything is certain in life, it is the fact that things will happen beyond your control; however, some people may be often labelled as “control freak”, those who focus on and try to change things that they cannot control. Consequently, some may ask the questions such as “Do I have control issues?” “How to deal with a control freak?” or ” How to stop being a control freak?” 

Different Types of Control Issues

You may attempt to control yourself, others, and environment. Typically when you try to exert excessive power over yourself and the environment, different mental health issues could develop, for example, eating disorders,  obsessive thinking and compulsive behaviors in cleaning and exercising, and self-harm behaviors.

When you attempt to control others in a relationship, at home, or at work, it could manifest in signs of gaslighting, stalking, micromanagement, bullying or abusive behaviors, manipulation, chronic lying, and overprotective or helicopter parents.

In fact, individuals with control issues could be associated with stress, anxiety in various forms such as OCD, depression, addiction, and other mental health struggles.

It can be instinctual to focus your thoughts and attention on things that you cannot control. But it is not always helpful and it does not change the outcome. Instead, you can consider making  minor changes to get you out of this endless cycle.

Differentiate Between What You Can Control and What You Cannot.

List on paper what you can and what you cannot control, remind yourself often when you need a reality check to reduce frustration and anxiety. Here are some examples of “can” and “cannot” control:

• You can control your input, but you cannot control the outcome of our efforts; 
• You can control how to manage your time, but you cannot control the passage of time;
• You can control how you look at yourself, but you cannot control what other people think of us;
• You can control what you try to do, but you cannot control what other people do;
• You can control your perceptions of what happens, but you cannot control what happens around us.

Identify Sources of Control Issues

In order to address control issues, it is important to identify the nature and sources of the need to control. It may be commonly related to need for self-protection, unresolved childhood issues, underlying anxiety, fear of abandonment, trauma, emotional sensitivity, low self-esteem, and perfectionism. Recognizing such sources could help you to improve awareness of the issue and focus on more acceptance of self, others, and the world.

Shift Attention to What You Can Control

By shifting your attention to the aspects that you can control, it means to change your attitudes, thoughts, or perspectives. For example, you can use mindfulness to manage your anxious thoughts and feelings, learn CBT techniques such as thought records to stop and reframe negative thoughts, practice ACT to make peace with some obsessive thoughts. Therefore, all of these techniques can become what you learn to change your perspectives and improve your mental health.

Let Go of Your Control 

Letting go of controlling behaviors requires acceptance, that is, allowing yourself to accept the negative feelings without judgment, making helpful adjustments to the present moment, and regain that sense of peace and calmness. By developing this practice, you learn to let go and refocus our energy on things you can change.

Truth be told, it is absolutely okay that you can’t control every aspect of your life. As a matter of fact, who can really predict the future? such as the exact circumstances, outcomes,  what situations would make you eventually happy? Besides, when you fixate on trying to create a certain outcome, it is very likely that you get narrow-minded and totally closed off to other opportunities.  

Beauty of Letting Go

Actually the beauty in letting go your control lies in more creative ideas and innovative solutions. During a flash of creative insight, your brain switches into a distinctive mode in which you allow your subconscious mind to go to work. In other words, this subconscious mind can help you to process vast amounts of information more efficiently. Hence, the Aha moments could be more likely to come.

There is suffering, and then there is thriving. Life is full of struggles and hardships, but by letting go, it could let us live a more meaningful life.  May we find the strength to re-experience the world.