Did your child leave for college or move out? Finding it hard to deal with empty nest syndrome? Like other parents, your life has probably revolved around your kids the day they were born. Now that they grew up and left you, it can be hard to picture your life without them in your house. If you are having difficulty dealing with this transition, it may be important to recognize the stages, the issues, and learn to overcome empty nest syndrome.
What Made Your Nest Empty
Your nest can be empty for many different reasons. Going to college is probably the number one reason. Your child may be moving out or moving on with life, typically they may move into their first apartment or house with a roommate or partner or entering this next chapter alone. In other instances, your child may be traveling or studying abroad for some time. Or your child left because of a huge fight or disagreement neither of you could resolve. Yet the most devastating situation is the passing of a child. Such loss could make the empty nest torturous to stay.
Stages of Empty Nest Syndrome
No matter why your child has left your nest, you are probably dealing with empty nest syndrome. Your child leaving home can feel like you are grieving a loss in your home. As mentioned in our past article, in times of significant loss, Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross says that people go through 5 stages of grief. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. People may deal with empty nest syndrome symptoms during these grief stages.
Empty Nest Syndrome Symptoms in the Grief Stages
Denial:
You might feel like you are in denial that your child is old enough to leave the house, go to college, get married, etc. You are thinking, where did the time go?! How is it possible that we are at this stage in our lives? If you lost a child, you might deny that they are gone.
Anger:
You might feel angry. Especially if your child left your house because of an argument, you are probably still hurt or upset over this exchange. You may be mad at yourself for letting this happen or for being unable to stop the situation from worsening. You also might feel angry at yourself for feeling upset at a time that should be happy, like your child’s start of college or wedding. If your child has passed, you may be angry that they were taken from you so young and robbed of living their life.
Bargaining:
In the bargaining stage of grief, many people pled with a higher power to change their situation. Many people who lost a child may wish to trade places with their child or pray for a miracle to bring them back.
Depression:
As you look at the room your child once occupied, you may have feelings of sadness and loneliness. Empty nest syndrome and depression can go hand in hand. You may feel lost about your plan moving forward; you are so used to caring for your child, and now you have to figure out your next step.
Acceptance:
In the final stage of this process, you will detach or resign from this grief; this doesn’t mean you will not miss your child anymore. In reality, you are just trying to move on with your life and find inner peace once more.
Unique Stages of Empty Nest Syndrome
Constant Checking-In:
When your child moves away from you, you may feel inclined to check in constantly with them. You want to ensure they are doing okay, so you contact them through text messages, phone calls, or video chats.
Facing Loneliness or Boredom:
Having a close relationship with your children is wonderful; however, the closer you are, the harder it may feel when you eventually separate from them. You and your child may have had fun doing everything together: shopping, going on adventures, cooking, or even just enjoying each other’s company by being together. You may feel bored or lonely when your child has left the nest.
Finding Joy:
Alternatively, you may find that you enjoy your life after your child leaves the nest. You love your child, but enjoy your new-found free time from them. Some people may make you feel guilty for feeling this way and make you feel “parent guilt.”
How to Deal With Empty Nest Syndrome
Coping with empty nest syndrome is a part of life when you may redefine your own identity. You may be dealing with both empty nest syndrome and midlife crisis or relationships all at the same time. It is time to explore your own needs and find other joys in life.
1. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions
When your child leaves the nest, you might be going through an array of emotions. As mentioned before, you may go through grief or mourning stages. Don’t be afraid to explore these emotions and allow yourself to feel what you need to feel.
For instance, you can explore your emotions through journaling and writing down what is going on in your mind. These words may feel too intimidating or upsetting to say out loud, so you can channel them onto paper. You can also vent to a trusted friend and lean on support. Talk with loved ones about what you are experiencing and be open to their comfort or advice. Research shows that viewing art helps people lower stress levels. Creating art also has many advantages. Getting artistic can help people better process their emotions.
2. Get in Touch With Yourself Again
As a parent, you may put your heart and soul into raising your child. After years of dedication, you might have lost touch with your inner dreams and goals. Think to yourself: Who am I? What do I want out of life? What do I plan for this next chapter in my life? You may want to find empty nest syndrome self-care tips. Do you want to:
- Travel?
- Practice a new hobby?
- Make new friends?
- Finish a goal you put on hold while raising your kids?
- Redecorate the house?
Write down some goals or list plans you’d like to make. You could also make a vision board – a vision board is a fun way to visualize what you want in the future to happen. People take all different types of photos and make a collage depicting what they aim for their future to look like.
3. Improve Your Relationship With Your Partner
Empty nest syndrome and relationships can be tricky but important to address. You and your partner may decide to work on your relationship now that you have an empty nest. For instance, you can take this time to travel together or accomplish plans you both always wanted to do with one another. In fact, having an empty nest may make you and your partner see different sides of each other. You will find out what your relationship is like now that your kids are grown up.
4. Build Strong Relationships with Your Adult Children
One of the key elements to overcome Empty Nest Syndrome is to maintain strong relationships with your adult children. Specifically, set up regular video calls, text, or visit them if possible. Learning to adapt to a different relationship dynamic with your children now that they have left. Investing time in your relationships can help you feel more connected and fulfilled.
5. Work on Your Friendships – New and Old
You may now have more free time to invest in your friendships with people. For example, you can use this time to meet up with old friends you’ve lost touch with, plan trips with your friend group, or even make new friends. Simply make new friends by joining teams, clubs, or groups! Like what you did in your earlier years, join a romance book club or a sports team!
6. Join an Empty Nest Syndrome Support Group
As a matter of fact, other parents are going through the same feelings you are with your empty nest! Be open to join an empty nest syndrome support group with people who can help you feel understood and supported at this time.
As we all know, a social support system is essential to a happy and healthy life for most people. Even if you just have one friend you feel understands you, it can make a world of difference in your life. A support group provides a place where people can share personal stories, express emotions, and be heard. That is, support groups foster an atmosphere of acceptance, understanding, and encouragement. Together, group members learn to solve problems and cope with various issues in life. Without a doubt, healing and growth happens when a group of people come together and just listen to each other.
7. Seek Professional Help
If you are struggling with your empty nest, know that you are not alone and support is out there for you! Therapy can help you find ways to cope healthily with your emotions, grieve, explore yourself, and navigate this new chapter of your life!
You and your partner can also explore couples therapy. Couple’s Counseling can help you and your partner communicate better. A couple’s counselor is a third party who can provide an unbiased opinion on the situation. They can also teach you skills to communicate better and understand each other.
June Cao and the Mind Connections team want to help you; call now!
Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao