How to Parent Your Highly Sensitive Child

Is your child a highly sensitive person (HSP)? Do you find it  more challenging to adapt your parenting style to attend to their emotional needs? How do you know you if have a highly sensitive child? Is being sensitive a weakness? What coping strategies are more appropriate for a highly sensitive child?

Signs of an Emotionally Sensitive Child

As a parent, you may have noticed some signs that your child is a highly sensitive person. Some typical signs include:

• Quickly identify and may be pretty particular about senses stimuli such as noise, sound, light, smell, taste, or texture;
• Intimidated and easily overwhelmed in front of strangers and a big crowd
• Take things personally and feel hurt easily when being judged, rejected, and criticized. 
• Capability to read others’ feelings intuitively
• Feel and store intense emotions such as anger, sadness, or fear
• Either bottle up strong emotions by isolating themselves or react strongly to such emotions with acting out behaviors 
• More prone to get anxious and depressed

Problems Your Highly Sensitive Child may Face

Typically, a highly sensitive child is inherently wired to be highly aware of their environment. This sensitivity makes them pay attention to subtle details, feel deeply, be cautious of the consequences, respond to others’ emotions, and highly empathetic to other’s emotions and distress. However, they may also struggle with issues along with their sensitivity. Specifically, issues may include:

• HSP Burn out.

  Usually, a highly sensitive child can be more vulnerable to stress because they feel their own emotions as well as others’ immensely. With the expectations and social norm of being tough and aggressive, sensitive boys face more challenge of behaving just opposite to his true self.

• Bullying

  When a sensitive child is perceived as “a crying baby”, or simply different, sometimes they may be targeted on by other kids or more at-risk for bullying. 

• Self- esteem issue

  Indeed, as a teenager, being “popular” is very important, and yet, a sensitive child may not have too many friends, or they may even isolate themselves. This could easily turn to internalized false beliefs such as “Nobody likes me” and “I will never fit in”.

• Psychological issues

  When highly sensitive teens have to internalize their intense emotions, psychological issues could arise, for example, anxiety, depression, emotion regulation problems, and acting out behaviors such as anger outburst and self-harm behaviors.

• Effects on learning: 

  From time to time, a highly sensitive child’s behaviors can be misinterpreted as low motivation or attention deficit by the teachers and parents. Due to their discomfort in participating before strangers or large crowds, they may not express themselves easily or quickly. 

Coping Strategies to Parent your Highly Sensitive Child

1. AWARENESS

First and foremost, knowing and understanding your highly sensitive child is essential for a parent. When you are more aware of your child’s high sensitivity, you do not just see them as “weak” or so anxious. You see the beauty inside your kid, the kindness, empathy, honesty, creativity, and emotional responsiveness. Further, you can help your child to utilize the advantages and strengths to thrive.

2. ACCEPT AND SUPPORT YOUR CHILD. 

Second, unconditional love and support will give your sensitive child the confidence they need to face difficult situations. As parents, you want to understand and accept your sensitive child for who they are, rather than trying to mold them into a less sensitive person. Support also means to teach your child concepts such as how to stand up and  protect themselves from bullies, improve self-esteem, better accept themselves, learn to manage stress, and have a clear sense of personal competence.

3. MODELING COPING BEHAVIOR

Third, parents are the major role models for their sensitive child. For example, model behaviors could include, showing respect, setting limits with others, developing friendships, seeking help when needed, getting physically fit, self care and self, and compassion for better growth. 

4. TEACHING POSITIVE COPING STRATEGIES:

Fourth, negative strategies have short-term effects of avoiding or fighting the problems the wrong way, but in the long run, they usually make things worse and force teens to fall in a vicious cycle. Typical positive stress management skills may include:

5. EMOTION REGUALTION SKILLS:

Fifth, emotional regulation refers to one’s ability to regulate strong feelings and react appropriately to situations. To cultivate emotion regulation skills, parents can help their highly sensitive teenager to do the following;

• Identify mood states and encourage them to engage in exercises which ease them off from their stress. Mindfulness and breathing exercise have large effects on stress reduction, personal growth, and self- acceptance.
• Validation, that is, gives your teenager a sense of acceptance. This can pave the way for accepting themselves. Parents try not to deny or discredit or teach your teenager how to feel. For instance, if your child says “I hate school”, Don’t say, “Do you know how blessed you are to go to school” Instead try this, “It seems like you had a bad day at school. Do you want to talk about it?”
• Reflect back the emotions so that they can gain understanding into their own emotions, pros and cons of it as well.

6. PARENTING OF DISCIPLINES RATHER THAN PUNISHMENT

Research has found that parenting based on punishment usually has adverse effect because it is shame-based and reflects parents’ frustration through their yelling and controlling the teens. Punishment could lead to sensitive teenagers’ perception “I am bad”.

On the contrary, gentle discipline is recommended, including strategies such as giving clear rules and having consistent consequences. Such consequences can very well be positive, for example, give compliments, praise, and reward to encourage positive behaviors. 

7. COMMUNICATION WITH SCHOOL

Parents frequently communicate with school teachers and counselors to make sure your teenager’s needs are met at school. Let teachers understand and coordinate accordingly. For example,

• Highly sensitive teenagers prefer structured lessons, rules and rituals; in situations with more uncertainty, it is important to help them to manage anxiety and maintain balance.
• In addition, a highly sensitive child may feel overwhelmed in a school environment with auditory and visual chaos. School teachers can allow teens to step out of such chaotic environment if they have to.
• Have school counselor available if your child may need time to calm down or talk.

Dr. June and her team have great experience working with teens who are highly sensitive. Call us free for 15 minutes and learn about our psychotherapy services to find the best fit for your teenager.