Fairy Tales just said “they live happily after,” but never told you how to make it happen. Of course, you hope to have a strong and healthy marriage, but believe it or not, to ensure a long-lasting relationship, it starts before you tie the knot. That is, it’s crucial to have honest conversations with your partner before you say, “I do”. What are the right questions to ask before getting married? This guide covers key topics to discuss, from finances and family planning to values and intimacy.
Key Questions to Ask Before Getting Married
1. Financial Questions
Finances are a common source of conflict in marriages. Actually, a recent study reported that arguments about money are by far the top predictor of divorce. As awkward as it may feel, it’s important to discuss money matters early on. In particular, ask each other about existing debts, like student loans or credit card balances; discuss how you will handle budgeting and saving, such as spending habits and approaches to saving money; and talk about your financial goals, such as buying a house or saving for retirement. For most couples, it is also important to discuss how to divide financial responsibilities. Typically, you may talk about whether and how to set up joint accounts and individual accounts. When it comes to navigating a prenup agreement, people may have different opinions; however, if you find it worth discussing, there are ways to bring it up.
If, by any chance, you feel uncomfortable discussing financial matters, it is a good idea to go to a professional for premarital counseling. Our therapists at Mind Connections, for example, will naturally bring up this topic to avoid any possible embarrassment.
2. Family Planning and Parenting
One of the essential questions to ask before getting married is about your views on children. This topic is crucial for a harmonious relationship because it sets expectations early. Specifically, Do you both want to have kids,? If yes, how many kids? What are the parenting roles? How do you hope to discipline children? All these questions will help you understand each other’s perspectives and avoid future conflicts.
3. Values and Beliefs
Aligning on core values and beliefs is fundamental for a long-lasting relationship. Don’t hesitate to discuss the role of religion in your lives. Although politics can be a sensitive topic, it’s important to discuss each other’s political views, and how strongly you feel about them. In addition, talk about your personal values and what matters most to you. All these topics can help you understand your partner better and, hence, lead to a more harmonious relationship.
4. Lifestyle and Future Goals
Another set of key questions to ask before getting married is about lifestyle preferences and future goals. Ultimately, this helps ensure you are on the same path. What exactly should be discussed here? As someone who needs to work, you should apparently discuss your career goals and aspirations. Understanding each other’s professional ambitions can help you support each other. On the other hand, work-life balance is crucial for maintaining harmony in your marriage. You probably need to talk about your work commitments and how you plan to balance work and your personal life. Understanding how much time you dedicate to work and family can help you plan quality time, manage expectations, and reduce potential conflicts.
Besides, lifestyle could include living arrangements, such as where you want to live, in the city or the suburbs. Other preferences like vacations, hobbies, and education are all good questions to ask before getting married. Another important topic is each other’s need for personal space. Even in a very happy relationship, you may need some alone time to recharge. How much time do you need? What activities do you enjoy doing alone? In fact, respecting each other’s need for solitude can prevent feelings of suffocation and maintain harmony.
5. Communication and Conflict Resolution
Effective communication and conflict resolution are essential for a strong marriage. Not only research, but our practice of couples therapy at Mind Connections consistently showed that most couples seek professional help for “communication issues.” Seemingly, you can address this before tying the knot to avoid more problems. For example, ask how you prefer to communicate about difficult topics, how you handle conflicts, and what you need from each other when you’re upset. An open and honest discussion on this tricky topic could help you better handle conflicts and eventually strengthen your bond.
6. Relationships with In-Laws
Believe it or not, your relationship with in-laws can significantly impact your relationship. Therefore, discuss your relationship with each other’s families. Particular topics include how to handle relationship dynamics, where to spend big holidays, how often to visit each other’s families, and what boundaries to set. Aligning on this helps manage expectations and avoid conflicts.
7. Expectations About Intimacy and Sex
Without a doubt, intimacy and sex is crucial for a healthy marriage. This is another aspect in which couples often seek professional help in couples therapy. About intimacy and sex, what questions to ask before getting married? Talk openly about each other’s sexual needs, expectations, frequency of intimacy, and turn-ons and turn-offs. Since sex is two-way traffic, you want to be transparent about your desires and boundaries. For instance, the positions you want to try, what makes you feel good, and what makes you feel uncomfortable, Besides being honest with these questions, it is also important to be curious about each other’s preferences, considerate about your partner’s feelings, and compassionate without shaming or blaming each other for your sexual needs. Overall, the more open and honest you are with such questions, the closer you will feel to your relationship.
Consider Pre-Marital Counseling
Pre-marital counseling can be invaluable in addressing these important questions. At Mind Connections, we offer services designed to help couples prepare for marriage. Our counseling sessions provide a safe space to discuss these topics. We help couples navigate difficult conversations and build strong foundations. Based on your needs, our therapist can focus on helping you with communication skills, conflict resolution, and understanding each other’s needs. These provide practical tools to strengthen your relationship. Besides, Mind Connections provides resources such as books and guides on building a healthy marriage. These materials can help you and your partner continue to grow together.
For example, a couple who attended our pre-marital counseling reported that they felt more prepared for marriage and had a better understanding of each other’s expectations. They learned effective communication techniques and set realistic goals for their future together. Call us for a free 15-minute consultation. Our therapists are here with you to establish a healthy and long-lasting marriage.