How To Move On From An Ex

  • Are you going through a breakup or end of a relationship?
  • Do you want to move on from an ex and get on with the rest of your life?
  • Ever wonder how to get over an ex you still love?

Love can truly be amazing! Relationships can bring out the best in each partner and can be a wonderful experience. However, when relationships turn sour, it can be very stressful to deal with. Some problems can resolve, and the couple will strengthen their bond, while others can be fatal to the union. Now your relationship turned into a breakup, and you’re wondering how to move on from an ex! This article will help you find ways to cope with your breakup and make peace with your situation in order to move on.

move on from an ex

Should I Move On From An Ex Or Should I Wait?

Take yourself back to the time you were in the relationship. How do you think the relationship was overall?  When is it time to break up? Your relationship may have been toxic. You and your partner fought all the time, had trust issues, jealousy problems, etc. The honeymoon phases soon turned into a nightmare sequence, and it felt like a battle every day for you two to get along or not fight.

On the other hand, you may actually look back with fondness on your relationship. Not all people break up because the relationship was toxic – sometimes you may love the person, but it just doesn’t work out. These situations can sometimes feel harder to get over. When you leave a toxic situation you mostly feel relieved and happy you don’t have to deal with the unhealthy relationship anymore. But what if the situation wasn’t unhealthy? What if you both cared for one another, but life got in the way of your plans? 

What are the signs you should move on?

  • Your partner has moved on and started a new relationship;
  • You have been trying to get them back for a long time and it didn’t work;
  • Your partner has been distant and does not want to communicate with you;
  • You are only remembering the good times and choosing to ignore the reason why you broke up;
  • Being in a relationship seems to be your goal, rather than being in a healthy relationship with the right person.

Moving-on May Take Some Time

Any journey you take has its own timeline to follow. Healing can take time, and you may not be over your ex for longer than you’d like – and that is okay! You need to give yourself time to move on from your ex and let go of the relationship you once had. Each relationship contains its own dreams and ideals that went into it – you may have thought you were going to marry or start a life with your past partner. 

With this being said, you might need time to grieve the loss of the relationship you once believed in. 

move on from an ex

How To Move On From An Ex?

1. Allow Yourself Time To Grieve

As mentioned before, grieving may need to occur for you to move on from an ex. In times of major loss in life, Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross says that people go through 5 stages of grief. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You may be able to relate to some or all of these stages of grieving your relationship. 

You may have:

  • Denial over the relationship ending, your partner leaving, or the fact that you are not going to get back together.
  • Anger over unresolved issues or lack of closure. Your partner might have broken your trust or let you down, and you feel upset about this betrayal. You may feel like your partner gave up and didn’t fight as hard as you – this all makes you mad!
  • Tried bargaining – you try to convince your ex you should get back together or pray to a higher power to help your relationship find its way to healing. 
  • Depression over the sadness that comes with a breakup. Breaking up can be emotionally and physically draining. You may stay up night because you keep crying. You now are losing sleep and feeling sad/ fatigued constantly. 

2. Accept That the Breakup Happened

The final stage of grief is acceptance. After you g through the motions of the grieving process, you will eventually find your way to accepting of what has happened. As mentioned before, this process may take time so don’t beat yourself up if you struggle or fall back into old habits or stages. 

When you finally can accept the breakup and that you shouldn’t get back together, moving on will happen more easily. 

3. Identify the Main Issues 

The relationship you may have had some wonderful times. You and your partner may have made many great memories together. However, don’t be fully blinded by the good times – there has to be some reason that you and your partner didn’t work out. Check out our other article about what makes a healthy relationship – if your relationship was not like anything mentioned in the article, it is better that you both split.

Identify these issues. If you have to, write them down in a list or journal  to remember them. Remembering the reasons why you ultimately didn’t work out with this person can help you see that this relationship was not meant to be and move on. 

move on from an ex

4. Detach, Disconnect, and Detox

When in doubt, follow the DDD method. First, detach from this person. It can be challenging to move on from someone you constantly are with or see. In this case, put space between the two of you and distance yourselves – this space will give you time to remember and get back to how life was like without this person. This detachment can take place literally and/or a virtually – aka unfollowing or muting the person’s accounts.

There are sometimes when it is hard to get space from someone, even after a breakup. This problem can be due to having the same friend group or even having to co-parent children you share. In these scenarios, try your best to set healthy boundaries between you and this person to disconnect. 

Detoxing this person from your life means getting rid of the things that may remind you of them. You may be a sentimental person who likes to hold on to things that have meaning. If you can do so in a healthy way, that is great! However, other people may struggle to do the same. A t-shirt or promise ring may make them feel sad every time they look at the object. In these cases, detox the stuff from your life. Give your ex back their things, donate the stuff to charity, or just throw it out! Do what feels right for you! 

5. Lean on Support

In times when we struggle, it is important to lean on our support systems. If you are struggling with learning how to move on from an ex, go to the people around you who love you. Ask them for advice and if you can vent any worries, frustrations, or concerns to them. You never need to suffer alone, and you deserve to be comforted in difficult times!

6. Take Time To Focus on Yourself and Heal

Many times, especially in all-consuming relationships, people can lose who they once were. After a breakup, the person may not even recognize themselves or remember who they really are. Get back in touch with your inner, truest self. Start doing things you like again, following your passions, and enjoying your company. Take time to see who you are and even explore new parts of you that you didn’t even realize were there!

The era after a breakup is a great time to work on bettering yourself. Practice self-care and prioritize your needs. Be patient with yourself and have self-compassion in times when you stumble or mess up (we all might do silly things after a breakup). Many times after a breakup, someone’s self-esteem lessened. Work on building yourself back up – remind yourself of how great you are and what you deserve in life! 

Also, take time to look back on the relationship and see what you can learn from it all. Identify what changes you can make moving forward or how you want your future relationships to go. When you feel ready, try opening yourself up to dating again and seeing what else is out there. Keep in mind, you don’t need to date again until you are fully ready to do so – in the meantime focus on prioritizing your healing journey. 

7. Talk to a Therapist or Counselor 

If you are struggling to move on from an ex, it is okay to reach out for support! Talking to a therapist can help you with any symptoms of depression or anxiety you are feeling over the split. A therapist can help you talk about your emotions with someone who understands and wants to help you, learn to cope with stressors, and start feeling like yourself again. Also, if you need help restoring your self-esteem, a therapist can help you gain back confidence back into your life. Call to set up a consultation today! 

Tips for Young People to Overcome Burnout

overcome burnout and manage stress

Burnout effects are hitting young people extremely hard. We live in a society that promotes things like “hustle-culture” and the constant need to be productive. When taking a break or time for yourself, you start to worry about everything you are not doing and could be accomplishing. You look online and see all of your past classmates or new coworkers posting about all of their accomplishments. Social media is part of the stress that causes burnout. Research shows that social media can have a hand in promoting job burnout in people. It feels like you can never escape the pressures of working harder and harder – work-life balance seems unattainable at this point!

Do you relate to these ideas or worries? Are you a young person who wants to learn how to cope with and lessen burnout in your life? If so, keep reading! 

What is Burnout and Burnout Effects?

The 5 Stages of Burnout

There are 5 known stages of burnout. According to and based on research, the stages are:

1. Honeymoon Phase

Have you ever entered a relationship with someone and felt like you were in a bit of a “love bubble?” People usually call this the honeymoon stage of a relationship – a time when you have excitement for the relationship and everything seems almost “perfect.” The same can happen in a new job. 

When starting a new job, everything may seem good at first – the co-workers are friendly, the boss is pretty accommodating, and the work appears manageable. The more you stick around; your rose-colored glasses become more transparent. You may start noticing things you dislike about the job, work stacking up, or under-appreciation beginning to form. These things may have been there all along, but you didn’t due to all of your new excitement.

2. Stress Onset

The honeymoon phase feeling is disappearing in this stage and is now replaced with tons of stress. You start feeling more and more over-worked and unhappy. Due to the influx of work, you may not be sleeping. Lack of sleep starts affecting you at work by making you feel listless. It becomes hard to focus, and you may begin to forget things more and more. The burnout effects are slowly creeping in!

3. Chronic stress

In this stage, your stress starts consuming you more and more. You feel like things are getting harder to manage and stay afloat with. This stage of burnout effects can really begin to affect your physical and mental health negatively. Your emotions may feel more EXTREME. You are not just tired; you’re exhausted. You are not just annoyed about the work; you are angry! 

Your life outside of work can begin to take a toll. You have no energy to socialize like once before because you feel drained. It’s a catch-22: Your state of being starts affects your work negatively, and your work negatively affects your state of being. All of this feels horrible! 

Lack of appreciation or respect at work can make you feel not good enough or unworthy. You wonder if all this work is worth it? 

 4. Burnout

In this stage, the burnout effects truly infiltrates your life and becomes severe. The weight of all the work stressors feels like they’re crushing you. You may start feeling hopeless, horrible about yourself, void of self-esteem, and unmotivated to even get out of bed. 

People start becoming used to burnout and may feel like they are stuck in this vicious cycle. 

 5. Habitual Burnout

This stage is the fifth stage of burnout – it focuses on the long-term effects of burnout that follow you each day. Burnout becomes your state of being and your “new “normal.“In this stage, the harm of burnout becomes more apparent, and the person may need to look for support to help them. 

Burnout in Healthcare Workers: Prevalence, Impact and Preventative Strategies - Scientific Figure on ResearchGate. Available from: https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Simplified-5-stage-model-for-the-development-of-burnout-which-is-most-frequently-used_fig3_346432309 [accessed 22 Apr, 2022]
Simplified 5-stage model for the development of burnout which is most frequently used. Burnout in Healthcare Workers: Prevalence, Impact and Preventative Strategies - Scientific Figure on ResearchGate. Available from: https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Simplified-5-stage-model-for-the-development-of-burnout-which-is-most-frequently-used_fig3_346432309 [accessed 22 Apr, 2022]

Negative Burnout Effects for Young People’s Mental Health

Burnout Effects vs. Depression vs. Anxiety

As mentioned before, people who feel the burnout effects start feeling really down about themselves and life. Burnout causes stress that can become chronic and ever-present in someone’s days. The overload of work causes intense pressure – the person is either stressing about getting the work done or stressing that they couldn’t complete their tasks. 

When they are running behind on work, the worker feels terrible about themselves. They feel inadequate and like they are not good enough to work their job. Also, the lack of appreciation from their bosses or co-workers can cause them to feel like their hard work and efforts are seemingly pointless. The burnout effects make life harder and harder!

Research shows that burnout, depression, and anxiety are separate but “share common characteristics, and they probably develop in tandem.”  

Depression Symptoms:

  • Feeling sad, lonely, helpless, and hopeless
  • Feeling empty and unfulfilled
  • Having bad sleeping habits – you find that you sleep too much or not enough
  • Weight loss or weight gain – you appetite is being affected
  • Not enjoying you passions or interests anymore
  • Irritability and agitation 
  • Struggles with concentrating, remembering, or decision making
  • Feelings of fatigue
  • Experiences of guilt or worthlessness
  • Thoughts surrounding suicide or death

Anxiety Symptoms:

  • Constant and excessive worry
  • Worrying is apparent in more days than not
  • Worries have been consistent for the past 6 months
  • It is hard for you to control your worrying
  • Physical symptoms such as restlessness, tiredness, irritability, muscle tension, trouble concentrating, or trouble sleeping
  • The worries are negatively impacting multiple parts of your life: like at school, work, in your social life, etc.

Burnout Symptoms:

  • Feelings of under-appreciation fill your mind
  • Lack of or no motivation 
  • Listlessness 
  • Finding it hard to focus and pay attention
  • Dealing with constant stress and worries surrounding work and life
  • No work-life balance
  • Limited socialization 
  • Hopelessness and indifference in life
  • Lack of sleep and feelings of exhaustion
  • Irritability, anger, and frustration especially when at work

Young People and Burnout

People can experience burnout for many different reasons throughout their young adulthood. People in their early twenties face pressure graduating college, trying to find a job, and keeping up with their social/dating life.

Romantic relationships take work, and there are stressors that couples can face together. If you are in a relationship and you don’t feel securely connected to this person, you may fear that cheating will take place or trust will be broken. Arguing a lot or communicating poorly can cause a lot of stress in couples. Also, ideas of the future, plans for what is to come, and other people’s projected opinions can cause couples to feel burnout

how to cope with a bad day at work

How to Overcome Burnout for Young People

How to Reduce Burnout as College Students

1. Work Smarter 

If you feel burnout from your schoolwork, try to create healthy work/study habits. These habits can help you feel more organized and prepared for homework and test you have. Some suggestions can be:

  • Keeping a calendar of all the due dates you have coming up
  •  Buying a planner and organizer to be more prepared and pay attention to details
  • Setting time aside to study each day. By studying a little each day, it can prevent from the need to cram before a test
  • Finding what study/work method works for you: if you are someone who visually learns, try watching videos to prepare or draw out diagrams. If you are more of an auditory learner, try listening to the audiobooks of your textbooks or assigned reading 

2. Ask for Help

Don’t be afraid to go to your teacher or professor for help. There is no shame in asking for guidance, clarification, or even an extension. If you feel uncomfortable going to them in person, try emailing them or speaking to them after school. If you are a college student, try to go to your professor’s office hours and schedule an appointment to see them.

Tutoring is also a valuable option for you if you need more help. Tutors are people who took the class already and have the knowledge to share with you any tips and tricks they may have. Signing up for tutoring helps you ask questions to someone you may feel more comfortable speaking to rather than a teacher or professor. 

3. Lean on Other Students

All the other students in your class are probably experiencing similar or the same stress you are when it comes to school. Try to lean on each other for support and go to each other when you need help. Organizing study groups is a great way to socialize and get your work done and learn.

4. Talk to a Counselor

If you feel like the stress of school is getting to you, try to speak to a counselor at school or on campus. There should be a guidance counselor there to help you with any problems you may have with school at school. Also, many colleges have mental health professionals on campus that can help you feel about specific issues if you are on a college campus.

5. Realize That You Are Worth More Than Your Grades

You need to realize that you are worth more than a grade on a test or paper. Your mental health is more important than your schoolwork, even if that is hard to believe. Students get so consumed with their work and feel like it means everything in their life. You are worth so much more than a grade on a paper – it doesn’t define you!

裁员焦虑

How to Cope with Burnout as Young Professionals

1. Realize That You are More Than Your Job

It can be challenging to find a job, especially since the pandemic. The stress of finding a job can be challenging to deal with. You may go through multiple rounds of interviews and feel stressed out from these experiences; only you did not receive the job. Logging on to websites, writing cover letter after cover letter, applying for jobs, getting ghosted, or being rejected is hurtful and stressful. Remember to keep your head up and know that your hard work in getting a job matters. Even if no one else can see how hard you’re working, you deserve to be proud of your efforts. You are more than your job description or title!

2. Follow Your Own Time-Line

Your life is going at its own pace and path. Remember that you are special, and no one else can be you. If you see people around you getting married or having kids, don’t worry! If you want these things, it will happen in its own time for you. You can live your life any way you want! Even if you don’t want kids, I want to be single and travel the world; that is okay! Do what makes you feel happy and fulfilled!

cheating in a relationship

How to Reduce Burnout for Young Couples

Communication Skills

One of the most significant issues we face in life and relationships is communication issues. Think of how many times you were watching a movie, and the entire problem of the episode is centered around a miscommunication or misunderstanding. 

As a couple, try your best to work on good communication skills. Some ways to do so are, to be honest with each other and validate each other’s feelings. Allow yourself to listen to your partner’s concerns and let them know that you hear what they are saying and appreciate them opening up to you. 

If the situation starts getting heavy and you both start getting heated, it is okay to take some time apart to think about things and recharge. We can say many things that we possibly don’t even mean in the heat of the moment.

Try Couples Counseling

If a problem is consistently causing you and your partner stress, counseling might be able to help you! Going to a therapist can help you and your partner have your needs met, have your voice heard, and have the opinion of a third party on your situation. A therapist can help you communicate better and find ways to strengthen your relationship. In couples counseling, you can deal with some of the stressors you may be facing.

General Burnout Coping Tips

  • Do activities that help you de-stress
    • Mindfulness practices: meditation, mindful walks, mindful eating
    • Yoga and stretching
    • Use Essential oils to relax
    • Practice self-care
    • Spend time in nature or with animals
  • Make an effort to maintain work-life balance
    • Don’t look at your work emails over the weekend
    • Take time to engage in something you like doing after work like a hobby or watching your favorite show
    • Prioritize seeing your loved ones, going out, date nights, etc.
    • Don’t be afraid to say no and stop people-pleasing at work: i.e. “I’m sorry, but I can’t take on that extra task right now in my schedule..”
  • Take care of your body
    • Make sure you are sleeping enough, filling your body with nutritious food, drinking plenty of water
  • Build self-esteem
    • If you don’t feel appreciated at work, remind yourself how proud you are of all your efforts! Motivate yourself and remind yourself how important and worthy you are
    • Practice positive affirmations: i.e. I am worthy, I am strong…
  • Lean on support
    • Look to people who make you feel happy and lift your spirits! You deserve to be reminded of how great you are by the people who care about and know you the best!
  • Consider Therapy

Chinese international students support group留学生心理健康互助小组

Chinese International Students Support Group中国留学生互助小组

  • Are you a Chinese international student?
  • Attempting to adjust to the U.S. culture, school life, identity, and anxiety with speaking English?
  • Facing challenges with student life and relationships?
  • Feeling lonely, homesick, difficult separating from family and friends in China?
  • Stressed about academic performance?
  • Overwhelmed because of perfectionism, procrastination, and social anxiety?
  • Concerned about anti-Asian hate, microaggression, sexism, racism, or discrimination?
  • Guilty about taking a break to relax because you “should have” been studying?
  • Worried about speaking in public, going on job interviews, or asking someone for a date?
  • Uneasy about F1 student visa, CPT, OPT, H1B, lottery, and green card?
  • Other mental health and self-care issues?
If your answer is “YES” to any or all of the above questions, then you are a very good fit for our International Students Support Group! 
 

How can the International Students Support Group Help me? 留学生互助小组可以帮我什么?

Chinese International Students Support Group is a place where

  • it is safe and comfortable for you to share, bond, support, and help each other;
  • you can learn practical tools to deal with different challenges during your time in the U.S. 
  • everyone can participate in group activities to practice social skills, be in a team, form group dynamics, and help each other to succeed;
  • you will reach your goals for exploration, understanding, insight, self-discovery, growth, compassion, and change you hope to happen;
It is proved that Chinese international students who have participated in our Support Group have felt
  • more confident,
  • less lonely,
  • fit in the group,
  • more connected with others,
  • better able to use practical tools to manage stress,
  • more mindful and relaxed in everyday life, and
  • empowered to deal with the challenges of every day life as an international student. 

What is Discussed in the Chinese International Support Group留学生互助小组讨论的内容

  • Adjustment to the new country;
  • Stress management; 
  • Homesickness and ways to better cope with it;  
  • Anxiety, negative thinking, and tools to reduce it;
  • Mindfulness and meditation;
  • Emotion regulation skills for wise mind;
  • Body image, eating, and self-care;
  • Dealing with anti-Asian hate, sexism, racism, discrimination, and microaggression;
  • Better preparation for exams, presentations, and interviews;
  • Procrastination and skills for time management;
  • Tools to manage perfectionism;
  • Balance between student life, personal and social life;
  • Managing stress with visa and green card;
  • Friendships and boundary setting;
  • Relationships, breakups, and dating; and
  • Sex, sexual identities, and empowerment.

Group Facilitators小组主持人

Our group facilitators are mental health counselors with a master’s degree. The supervisor is Dr. June, our head psychologist. Our facilitators are warm, understanding, compassionate, professional, and knowledgeable. We implement evidence-based therapy approaches such as CBT, DBT, ACT, and Mindfulness to better assist you to achieve your inner-peace, compassion and growth.
 

Registration for Chinese International Students Support Group如何参加留学生支持小组

FEE: we will file claims for you based on your insurance
STARTING: September 14, 2021
DAY: Weekly meetings
TIME: Every Thursday

PLACE: Online via Zoom 

Individual Psychotherapy Services为留学生提供中文心理咨询

If you are looking for starting therapy or counseling on an 1:1 basis, visit our website for more information on how therapy works, our therapists‘ profiles, or contact us directly. 

How To Deal With Sunday Scaries, The Anxiety Of Another Work Week

Sunday Scaries - anxiety of the work week

What is Sunday Scaries

Sunday Scaries, also called Sunday blues, Sunday depression, Sunday anxiety, or Sunday night syndrome. It is the dread that shows up at some point on Sunday when you realize another workweek will start in hours. You could feel nervous, restless, uneasy, irritable, or even have physical symptoms of stomach issues, headache, heart pounding, and insomnia. This anticipatory anxiety may build up to make you feel miserable for the rest of the weekend. Per recent Monster polling, about 67% experience the Sunday Scaries each week.

From the psychological perspective, Sunday Scaries is the type of anxiety or stress that people react or respond to the threat they perceive. The perceived threat could be the fear of performance at work during the workweek, supervisors’ evaluation, challenges of juggling all tasks with work and life, such as doctors’ appointments, childcare while at work, all the bills, clients’ comments, relationship with a coworker, or decision to return to office. In this process, we face all uncertainties that are anxiety provoking and easily lead to “what-ifs”, such as “what if my supervisor thinks I am an idiot”, “what if I lose my job”, “how can I handle if we don’t have medical insurance any more?”

Obviously, when we focus on uncertainties, we tend to underestimate our capabilities to cope with all the stress. Hence, the overwhelming pressure and helplessness could further exacerbate the fear and anxiety. That is to say, Sunday Scaries makes us feel uncomfortable, but we can manage it well by changing our thinking and behaviors.

The Pandemic Worsens Sunday Scaries

The pandemic has worsened the Sunday Scaries. With a record number of people working from home, our work and life has blended together. Despite more flexibility we may have, work could easily take our personal space. Prior to the pandemic, what we used to do on a weekday are happy hours, lunch out, or other socialization. Now our weekday routine is about work, Zoom meetings, child care, and mere human interaction. Weekends feel almost like boring rituals of another day, no outing, no gathering, and not much enjoyment. That is, the workdays actually become longer

Besides, many remote workers have admitted that they work on weekends, too. Let’s face it, the re-opening and returning to office process has brought some level of stress and anxiety to employees as well. Research has also suggested increased substance use during the pandemic, or more people probably need extra time to get over their hangover on Sunday.

 

How to Cope with Sunday Scaries

1. Clear your Mind

Sunday ScariesAs mentioned before, if Sunday Scaries stems from perceived threat, then you can learn to manage this anxiety better by changing such perceptions. This involves taking steps to actively clear your mind first. This requires you to ask yourself some questions, such as, 

  • What is your Sunday Scaries all about? 
  • The core of your fears? 
  • What do you worry about the most? 
  • The worst case scenario? 
  • What are your solutions when worst comes worst?

It is also essential to try to accept that things can go wrong and there is no certainty in life. However, if you were able to manage it in the past, you can cope now too. Clearing your mind could also mean focusing on your capabilities of handling work and life. It is a great idea to remind yourself of your leverage, experiences, skills, and achievements. Focusing on your strengths can help your transition from weekend to weekday a little easier.

2. Set the Relaxing Tone for the Weekend

Make conscious decision that your weekend is to relax, your goal is to be compassionate with yourself and take good care of yourself. Self-care is not just a buzzword, it is a decision to prioritize yourself and have your needs met. Everything else can wait, that is, work can wait, you don’t have to check emails or answer work phone calls. You may find something helps you to relax more than others. It can be a bubble bath, a nice meal, a book, music, arts, gardening, swimming, a walk, or any exercise.

3. Set aside a “Worry Time”

Those negative anxious thoughts on Sunday are likely to come up automatically. Therefore, creating a “worry time” of 15 minutes could help you to handle those worries directly. For example, if your “worry time” is 7:30pm, spend this entire time thinking only about your worries and negative thoughts. Write them down in your journal. At the end of 15 minutes, let go of those worries with some Calming Breaths, then return to other activities. 

If you start to worry before your “worry time”, tell yourself you will wait till your regular time to focus on all the worries. This way, you dwell on your worst fears and you go over them repeatedly. Chances are, when you review the same material in detail again and again, eventually this kind of exposure reduces the meaning attached to your worries. 

4. Create a To-Do-List

If you have too much on your plate and that triggers your Sunday Scaries, it is a good idea to take some time on Friday night to plan your weekend and the coming week. Write down what you hope to accomplish over the weekend and your priorities for next week. This way, you are being proactive about the week to come. The benefits of planning, making to-do-lists, and thinking about the future will reduce your stress.  

5. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is about the process of focusing non-judgmental awareness thoughts, feelings, and sensations. When the fears and anxiety attack you on Sunday afternoon, practicing mindfulness helps you to shift attention from worries to the present moment. You can also practice mindfulness at any time. When you walk outside, cook, eat, clean, take a shower, take a test, or work out. 

Simply put, mindfulness is like “meditation on-the-go.” When you remain mindful, you live from moment to moment, instead of ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. Even if you have uncomfortable thoughts, you do not have to react upon them. By accepting their existence and letting them pass, you can develop a new response to fear and anxiety. With practice, mindfulness meditation can help you to create inner peace and less anxiety.

6. Seek Support

You don’t have to deal with the Sunday Scaries alone. Check in with family, friends, and loved ones. Vent to them, laugh with them, cry on their shoulders, or simply sit there together and do nothing. Find a support group for people with similar experiences. Maybe you can make friends and help support one another. The sense of community can empower you to cope with your Sunday Scaries better.

7. Get Therapy

Therapy could help you to get to the core of your underlying issues. On the surface level, Sunday Scaries is some uneasiness, a good therapist can help you to dig out why it happened, what the deeper issues are, how to change it. Seeking professional help is always a great way to better your mind, deal with your emotions better, respond to stressors in a calmer way, and let go of the baggage in order to heal. Besides, therapy helps you to change your thoughts and use healthier ways of thinking. 

Dr. June and her team are therapists to help you to manage your anxiety about work, life, relationship, and health. Give us a call free for 15 minutes and we will help you to practice skills to deal with your Sunday Scaries.

9 Tips To Stop A Panic Attack

panic attack

Do you find yourself having panic or anxiety attacks often? Is it difficult to ask for help or speak to anyone about panic attacks? Do you avoid social situations in fear that you will have a panic attack in public? Please continue to read to learn how to stop a panic attack before it happens.

What is a panic attack?

You may hear the term “panic attack” often. People may use it lightly as an exaggeration when speaking about being nervous. But what does a panic attack feel like? How do you tell when someone is having a panic attack? 

A panic attack is an unexpected and intense wave of fear.  It can lead to severe physical reactions. When panic attack occurs, your heart pounds, you can not breathe. You may feel like you are going crazy, losing control, or even dying. In fact, there is no real danger or apparent cause. Panic attacks can be very frightening. Panic attacks may come about without a trigger and can happen at any time. For example, when you are driving a car, during a meeting, or you may even have a panic attack in sleep. 

Panic attack vs. heart attack

Panic attack and heart attack share similar symptoms. Actually some people believe they are having a heart attack and go to ER multiple times.

There are many different variations that come with panic attacks. Specifically, how long does a panic attack last, or how severe it feels. Generally speaking, it will peak at a few minutes and will make the person feel fatigued once it subsides.

Difference between Panic attack and Panic disorder

Many people with anxiety report having panic attacks. Actually like many people, you may have just one or two panic attacks in your lifetime. The problem could go away when stress ends. However, there is another condition, panic disorder.  What is the difference between panic attack and panic disorder?  If you have had panic attacks multiple times and spent long periods in constant fear of another attack, you may have panic disorder.  Approximately 2-3% of Americans experience panic disorder in a given year, according to the ADAA. They also note that it is twice as common for women than for men to experience panic disorder, and symptoms will usually begin in the late teens to early adulthood. 

Symptoms and signs of a panic attack

Although panic attacks may look different for everyone, there are general signs and symptoms of a panic attack. It typically includes some of these symptoms: stress meter panic attack

  • Sweating
  • Trembling
  • Dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Nausea
  • Chills
  • Shortness of breath
  • Rapid heart rate
  • Hot flashes
  • Abdominal cramping
  • Numbness
  • Feeling dying

Causes of panic attacks

 There are many different reasons why someone may be experiencing panic attacks. Some of the factors may include:

  • Genetics: A history of panic attacks or panic disorder may put one at risk for panic attacks.
  • Trauma: Sexual assault, a serious accident, or any other traumatic experience.
  • Major life changes, such as having a child, moving out of town, or starting a new job.
  • Unhealthy habits, such as smoking or excessive caffeine intake.
  • A history of childhood abuse or sexul assault.

No matter the cause for the onset of panic attacks or panic disorder, it is important to note that there are things you can do to help to deal with and overcome these challenges. Thinking about the potential factors that have contributed to panic attacks can be important. That is, they can help you overcome the roots and underlying anxieties to your panic.

Social Tolls and Dangers of Panic Attacks

Related to panic attacks is the avoidance of social events or situations in fear that they will cause a panic attack. One of the scariest parts of experiencing a panic attack can be the fact that another one can happen, and at any moment. Since panic attacks don’t need a specific trigger to start, it can lead to people avoiding situations altogether. Reading our blog on social anxiety can help to overcome the fear of social situations related to panic attacks.

It is also important to note the other potential risks that may come along with panic attacks. These could include issues such as problems at work or school, depression or other anxiety disorders, alcohol or substance abuse, and other complications. Dealing with panic attacks or panic disorder can be stressful. That is why it is so important to be proactive and get the right help you need.

How to Stop a Panic Attack

There is no set way to stop panic attacks from happening, but there are many ways you can deal with and potentially prevent a panic attack before it happens.

1. Get medical treatment to stop panic attacks

Medical treatment can help to reduce the symptoms of panic attacks, including intensity and frequency of panic attacks, hence improve your daily functioning and quality of life. Go to a medical care professional and get the right medical care you need. This can include getting prescription with medicine such as SSRIs, SNRIs,  benzodiazepines, or receiving other healthcare advice.

2. Regular sleep and exercise patterns

Having regular sleep and exercise schedules can help to deal with symptoms of panic attacks and anxiety. Yoga is a great form of movement that can help deal with these symptoms.

3. Practice mindfulness meditation and other breathing exercises

One of the main symptoms of panic attacks is shortness of breath, or hyperventilating. If you are able to control your breathing, it can greatly reduce the severity of a panic attack. Focus on taking deep breaths, in and out through the mouth. Set specific counts for how long you hold the breath in, and how long you exhale.

In mindful meditation, you use nonjudgmental awareness to accept or acknowledge your feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations. When are you about to have a panic attack, it is important to fully acknowledge the existence of any panicky emotions, feelings, and thoughts. The more you can experience them in your body and mind, the less anxious you would feel,  and the more you can  let them be. 

4. Remind yourself that a panic attack is temporary

The symptoms of a panic attack usually reaches its peak within 10 minutes. Very rare does it last more than an hour. In other words, a panic attack usually ends within 20 to 30 minutes. It feels uncomfortable, but is not dangerous. It is important to remember that what you are experiencing is a panic attack and that it will pass shortly.

5. Close your eyes to stop a panic attack

Panic attacks may be more severe if there are many stimuli involved. Closing your eyes can help to tone down your environment. This way, it helps you to feel more relaxed. By the same token, this will also help with breathing exercises as mentioned above.

6. Focus on an object

Finding an object and focusing on as many details about it as possible. This can help to ground you during a panic attack. It can help to control other thoughts going on through your mind, so that you don’t focus on too many things at once. This is actually a simplified grounding technique we introduce below.

7. Use Grounding techniques to deal with a panic attack

Grounding technique means to bring your attention to what is happening to you physically, either in your body or in your surroundings. When your mind is racing mind, grounding brings you back to the here-and-now. It is very helpful in managing overwhelming feelings or anxiety. instead of being trapped by the thoughts in your mind that are causing you to feel anxious. In other words, it helps you to stay in the present moment instead of being trapped by the worrying thoughts in your mind.

The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique

grounding technique

The typical 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique uses all five senses to help you to redirect attention from anxious thoughts back to the present moment. It starts with you sitting comfortably. Close your eyes and take a few deep breathes. Open your eyes, look around you, and name out loud:

5 – things you can see (look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (e.g., your skin, the texture of the material on your chair, feel what your hair feels like; something in front of you that you can touch, etc.)

3 – things you can hear (e.g., traffic noise, birds chirping, foot stepping, music, AC, TV, water running, ).

2 – things you can smell (coffee, tea, freshly cut grass, vegetable, fruit, fragrance, essential oil…)

1 – thing you can taste (candy, chocolate, water, raisin, or any fruit. Take a small bite or sip. Let it swill around your mouth for a couple of seconds, really savoring the flavor).

Take a deep breath to end the exercise. 

8. Develop healthy habits

Certain healthy habits can help to prevent panic attacks.  For example, controlling your alcohol or coffee intake, as well as your diet, A 2010 study at Harvard Medical School showed that nutritional strategies can help to ease anxiety. Specifically,  antioxidant, if included in the anti-anxiety diet, may help to reduce symptoms of anxiety disorders.

This Harvard study listed foods considered high in antioxidants by the USDA include:

  • Beans: Dried small red, Pinto, black, red kidney
  • Fruits: Apples (Gala, Granny Smith, Red Delicious), prunes, sweet cherries, plums, black plums
  • Berries: Blackberries, strawberries, cranberries, raspberries, blueberries
  • Nuts: Walnuts, pecans
  • Vegetables: Artichokes, kale, spinach, beets, broccoli
  • Spices with both antioxidant and anti-anxiety properties include turmeric (containing the active ingredient curcumin) and ginger.

9. Therapy for panic attacks

One of the most important ways to help deal with, and potentially prevent panic attacks, is speaking with a therapist.  Psychotherapy can help you to understand panic attacks and panic disorder and learn how to cope with them. A good therapist can help you to cope with panic attacks and work out other ways to deal with anxiety.

Dealing with panic attacks will not be an easy task, but with the right treatments and care, you can help reduce their severity and even frequency. There are people out there who can help you cope with the symptoms of anxiety and panic, such as loved ones, a medical professional, or a therapist. Self-care is also one of the biggest factors in allowing lifestyle changes to take place to help live with symptoms of panic attacks. Taking the right steps to overcome the challenges that come with panic attacks can help ensure that fear of social situations and other big life events will be eased.

Dr. June and her team are here to support you and assist you in your journey of dealing with panic attacks and other anxiety disorders. Our therapists in New York will help you to identify the panic attacks, gain insight, learn coping skills, and practice techniques to validate yourself. Call us free for 15 minutes, you deserve respect and the best quality of a relationship.

Special thanks to the contribution of our psychology intern Tammy Krikheli

Mindfulness Meditation For Anxiety And Depression 用正念冥想减轻焦虑和抑郁

这个视频是一个中文的放松练习,正念冥想(mindfulness meditation)。做一做试试看会不会帮你放松自己。

在日常生活中,我们可能会因为工作劳累而喘不过气; 人际交往中有时紧张的总想退缩;脑子里总是有各种各样的想法冒出来,让人睡不好觉却赶都赶不走;还有时候陷入一种负面情绪里面,感觉怎么也走不出来。你不是一个人,我们很多人或多或少都会这样。

什么是正念冥想(What is Mindfulness Meditation)

正念(Mindfulness),是一种注意力高度集中的状态。比如说,当我们在读书、学习或者做一件很感兴趣的事情时,我们会非常专注而忘记了时间的流逝,甚至不会意识到周围环境里都发生了什么。

如果我们处在正念的状态中,精神上和身体上是非常平和、放松的。因此,正念的积极作用让其被广泛应用在心理咨询领域。经过研究显示,正念活动对缓解焦虑和抑郁有非常有效的作用

正念相关的活动有哪些?(Types of Mindfulness)

正念活动的种类有很多。除了我们今天将要讲到的正念冥想,其他还有:

这些都是舒缓压力和放松自我的好方法。你可能会觉得,这些正念活动在我们东方文化当中是很常见的,它是如何在西方科学里成为心理治疗的常用方法呢?

其实,正念一词源自于佛教文化,而且心理学同佛教文化两者的理论、概念中有许多不谋而合的地方:两者都注重减少人的痛苦,提升人的幸福感。两者都强调成长的重要性。两者都认为人应对万物有怜悯心并保持积极的态度.

正念冥想是什么?(What is Mindfulness Meditation)

正念冥想是众多正念活动当中最具有代表性的一种。常见的形式有:呼吸练习,引导想象,以及其他可以放松大脑和身体并减小压力的练习。正念冥想是正念活动当中被广泛应用且被科研证实有效的心理治疗方法。

冥想追求的是把注意力集中在当下,暂时摒弃大脑中对任何事物的评判和解释。意识到当下这一刻所发生的事,并用开放的心态去接纳它。而不是加以评判,抱怨,或者改变

正念冥想的作用(How does Mindfulness Help?)

科学研究证明,正念能帮助我们改善心理、情绪、身体、脑认知、注意力和精神整体健康水平,帮助我们回归自我,看清自我,化解自己生命的负能量。正念冥想对于许多心理问题都有很好的治疗效果。这包括:

  • 焦虑(anxiety)
  • 紧张(fear)
  • 抑郁(depression)
  • 失眠(insomnia)
  • 压力过大(stress)
  • 情绪失控(emotion regulation)
  • 过度紧张引起的高血压、糖尿病(hyertension & diabetes)

除此之外,正念冥想还有其他作用,例如:提升专注度,降低工作压力,提升情绪管理水平、自我觉察、睡眠质量,以及帮助控制糖尿病等。

初学者如何开始练习正念冥想 (How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation as a Beginner?)

1. 在准备做冥想的时候,无论坐在地上,沙发上或者是床上,找到一个让自己舒服和放松的姿势是非常重要的。

2. 其次,一定要给自己几分钟的时间。冥想练习的时长因人而异。但对于初学者,我们建议您安静的享受冥想5到10分钟即可。这样的时长足以起到放松大脑的作用。

3. 冥想练习中,将注意力放在自己的呼吸上是快速放松的重要方法。我们可以试着关注自己呼气和吸气的动作,自己呼吸时身体的起伏,以及鼻间流动的气息等。

mindfulness meditation

初学者练习冥想可能遇到的问题 (Overcome Difficulties in Practicing Mindfulness)

1. 初学者在做冥想的时候可能会不习惯这种放松形式。如果在练习过程中无法集中注意力,无法正确的调整呼吸都是可以理解的。

2. 其他的问题比如练习让自己变得更加紧张,大脑无法停止思考,大脑始终有很多想法也是可能遇到的情况。这时,对自己耐心一点。无法闭上眼睛放松,我们可以选择睁开眼睛,自然的注视一个方向。

3. 大脑如果无法停止思考也没有关系。正念冥想的目的并不是让大脑停止思考,我们的思维也不会因为冥想练习而瞬间停止工作。

练习冥想的真正目的是帮助我们意识到是什么想法在困扰我们。进而让我们逐渐的整理大脑中的思维,让他们从混乱变得有序而清晰

当你面对抑郁、焦虑、压力过大、负面情绪时,请联系我们,我们的心理治疗师可以引导你练习冥想,减轻压力,放松自我,重新找回轻松的自我。

Special thanks to the contribution of psychotherapist  Xiaojing Wei, LMSW.