Master Your Emotions: The Guide to Anger Management Classes

Posted on April 4, 2024April 4, 2024 by junecao

Ever felt so angry to the point where your actions caused more troubles?
What does it mean to undergo court-ordered anger management classes?
Is it possible to learn strategies to control your anger? How?

Anger is a normal emotion, just like happiness or sadness, which we all have. However, when out of control, anger could lead to disasters in life and relationships. In some cases, it could even lead to legal problems and consequent court-ordered anger management classes. Dr. June and Mandarin-speaking therapists on her team provide court approved anger courses and have helped many people to learn how to better control anger.

Understanding Anger as an Emotion

Anger is an emotion that can feel strong and powerful. It’s like a warning bell that tells us something is wrong or unfair. Often, anger almost always masks something else, that is, anger hides other feelings like sadness, fear, hurt, or shame. Getting angry is usually an attempt to avoid confronting those painful feelings by making it about something external to us. Sometimes, anger can be a response to feeling threatened or disrespected. If someone makes fun of you or calls you names, you might feel angry because your sense of respect is being challenged.

Typically, the arousal cycle of anger has five phases: trigger, escalation, crisis, recovery, and depression. Understanding the cycle helps us to understand our own reactions and those of others. In other words, it’s okay to feel angry. What’s important is how you handle your anger.

How Do I Know if I Need Anger Management?

What’s the difference between normal anger and anger that requires management? Truth be told, there is a clear distinction between a healthy display of anger and anger management issue. Here are a few signs that you might have difficulty controlling your anger.

Quick to Anger: You find yourself getting angry more quickly or more intensely than other people. Small things that don’t bother others seem to ignite a strong reaction in you.
Difficulty Calming Down: Once you’re angry, it’s tough for you to cool off. Your anger might last a long time, and it’s hard to get back to feeling normal again.
Physical Signs: When you get angry, you might notice physical signs like your heart beating faster, your face getting hot, clenching your fists, or feeling tense all over.
Impact on Relationships: Your anger causes problems in your friendships or with your family. People may tell you they’re concerned or upset about your reactions.
Regretting Actions: After an angry outburst, you often feel guilty or regretful about what you said or did. You might wish you had handled the situation differently.
Avoidance by Others: You notice that people seem to walk on eggshells around you, afraid of setting off your anger. Friends might avoid hanging out with you because they’re concerned about your reactions.
Disrupting Daily Life: Your anger interferes with your daily life, making it hard to focus at school, perform well at work, or enjoy time with friends and family.

Who May be Ordered to Take Anger Management Classes?

If anger issue is not addressed properly, some may have to take court-ordered anger management classes due to misdemeanor crimes. For example, behaviors disturbing the peace, altercations, destruction of property, threatening behavior, and/or battery charges. In other words, uncontrolled anger led to unfavorable outcomes.

Domestic Disputes: When domestic disagreements escalate into harmful scenarios, anger management therapy is often mandated. For instance, to foster healthier interactions.
Altercations or Assaults: Engaging in physical conflicts can lead to court-ordered anger management classes. This is to address people’s aggressive tendencies.
Workplace Violence or Abuse: Unchecked anger in professional settings, resulting in harassment or aggression, might necessitate attendance in an anger management program.
School or Public Incidents: Aggressive behaviors in educational or public spaces that draw legal attention typically require anger management intervention.
Road Rage: Dangerous driving provoked by anger can result in a court mandate for anger management therapy to address the root causes of such behavior.
Violent Behaviors: Exhibiting violence in any context, especially when it involves law enforcement, often leads to mandated anger management therapy.
Enraged Fury: An extreme and uncontrollable form of anger that can lead to destructive behavior, such as physical violence or property damage. Blind Rage: The highest level of anger intensity, often characterized by a complete loss of self-control and the potential for dangerous and irrational actions

How Does Court-Ordered Anger Management Class Work?

This comprehensive process aims to foster deep behavioral and emotional change. Usually, it involves the following steps:

Assessment: The journey begins with an evaluation to understand the depth of the anger issues and tailor the program to the individual’s needs.
Engagement in Structured Programs: Participants are involved in:
- Group discussions and one-on-one counseling sessions.
- Learning and practicing coping mechanisms for healthier emotional expression.
Skill Development:
- Techniques to control anger, conflict resolution strategies, and effective communication skills are core components of the curriculum.
- Emotional intelligence enhancement to better comprehend and manage one’s emotions and understand others’.
- Relaxation Techniques: Learning methods like deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation, participants acquire strategies to calm their minds and bodies, essential skills for managing acute anger responses.
- Cognitive Reframing: Our therapists assist individuals in identifying and altering the thought patterns that fuel anger, promoting a more balanced and less reactive emotional state.
- Communication Skills: A key focus is on enhancing listening skills and encouraging thoughtful, measured responses, fostering more meaningful and less confrontational interactions.
Monitoring and Reporting: Progress is closely tracked with regular updates provided to the court to ensure compliance and improvement.

Benefits of Anger Management Classes

Anger management can significantly improve your relationships and overall quality of life in several ways:

Enhanced Communication: Learning to express feelings of anger constructively can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts in relationships. Effective communication fosters deeper connections and trust between individuals.
Reduced Conflict: By managing anger effectively, the frequency and intensity of conflicts can decrease, leading to more peaceful and harmonious interactions with others.
Better Decision-Making: Uncontrolled anger can lead to impulsive decisions with negative consequences. Anger management provides tools to calm down and think clearly, leading to more thoughtful and beneficial choices.
Stress Reduction: Chronic anger can contribute to stress and related health issues. Managing anger effectively can reduce stress levels, leading to improved physical and mental health.
Self-awareness and Growth: Understanding the root causes of your anger and learning how to handle it can lead to significant personal growth, self-awareness, and increased self-esteem.
Professional Success: In the workplace, effective anger management can improve professional relationships, enhance problem-solving skills, and contribute to a more positive work environment.

Mandarin-Speaking Anger Management Therapist

Dr. June and therapists on her team specialize in offering Mandarin-speaking anger management therapy. We recognize the importance of cultural and linguistic alignment in the therapeutic process. Our Mandarin-speaking anger management therapists are adept at guiding participants to gain the power back to better control their anger.

If you are wondering, what techniques are used in anger management classes? Our specific strategies and tools may include cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and communication skills. If you’re seeking an online anger management class, Dr. June and therapists on her team are committed to providing the support and skills necessary for profound, lasting change. If you’re navigating the complexities of court-ordered anger management, reach out to us. Embrace the journey toward a more composed and fulfilling life with our therapists at your side.

Have more questions? We got answers.

How long does anger management take to work?

Anger management programs’ duration can vary, typically ranging from a few weeks to several months, depending on the individual’s specific circumstances and the court’s requirements.

Can anger management help me control my temper?

When fully engaged, anger management therapy can be highly effective, equipping individuals with tools to manage their emotions, communicate more effectively, and make constructive behavioral changes. Several large analyses of the published research suggest that overall, approximately 75% of people receiving anger management therapy improved as a result.

Are online anger management classes effective?

Yes, online anger management classes can be effective, especially for those who prefer a flexible schedule or are unable to attend in-person sessions. These classes offer the same curriculum as their in-person counterparts, covering techniques and strategies to understand and manage anger effectively. Participants can learn valuable skills such as identifying anger triggers, practicing relaxation techniques, improving communication, and developing problem-solving skills.

The effectiveness of online classes, like any educational program, depends on the participant’s engagement and commitment. Active participation, completing assignments, and applying learned strategies in daily life are crucial for success. Furthermore, the interactive components of online classes, such as discussion forums or video conferencing, can provide necessary support and feedback.

For anger management issue, please contact us to see how we can help you improve your life.

如何帮助父母减轻老年抑郁和焦虑 How to Help Older Parents Reduce Anxiety and Depression

Posted on March 25, 2024March 25, 2024 by junecao

如何帮助父母减轻老年抑郁和焦虑

随着父母步入老年，您是否注意到他们最近变得更加沉默寡言？经常紧张焦虑、担心害怕？对以前爱好做的事情也失去了兴趣？经常表现出烦躁不安？这些可能是老年抑郁或焦虑的迹象。了解这些症状并知道如何帮助父母，可以直接影响到父母的身体健康和心理健康。

了解老年抑郁和焦虑

深入了解老年抑郁和焦虑的症状至关重要。我们有时可能会误解甚至忽视这些症状，以至于延误治疗，严重影响到老年父母的生活质量。

老年抑郁症状：
- 情绪变化：持续的悲伤、难过、绝望或无助感，这些情绪变化可能比较微妙，不如年轻人那样明显。老年人可能会更加沉默，不去表达自己的感受。有的会担心成为孩子的负担或让孩子嫌弃，所以干脆什么也不说，而子女就更难了解情况。
- 兴趣丧失：对以往享受的活动或爱好失去兴趣。有的甚至跟亲人、朋友和其他社交活动都很少来往，经常把自己一个人关在家里，或者整天躺在床上，原来的爱好也不再参与。
- 身体症状：食欲减少、体重减轻、经常感到疲劳、浑身无力、说话和动作变慢，甚至被误会成人变“懒”了。这些身体症状有时会被误认为是老龄化的正常部分，但其实很可能是老年抑郁的表现。
- 认知障碍：特别容易忘事、注意力很难集中，对事情难以做出决定，也害怕做决定。这些症状可能被误认为是自然出现的老年认知衰退，俗称的“老年痴呆”，但其实老年抑郁症经常有认知减退的问题。
- 睡眠问题：有的老年人出现失眠，躺下睡不着觉或晚上经常醒来后难以再入睡，有的则是过度睡眠，每天起不来床。睡眠模式的改变可能会加剧老年抑郁症状。
- 自我评价低：经常感觉自己“老了，没用了”，有负罪感，觉得自己拖累孩子。更严重的，一些老人会觉得自己活着没有意义，不如做个了断，甚至出现老年人自杀的情况。
老年焦虑症状：
- 持续担忧和紧张：老年人可能会对日常生活的小事感到过度担忧，这种担忧感通常是持续的，不易消退。比如，“万一这样可怎么办？”类似的焦虑想法不断在脑子里过电影一般挥之不去。他们可能会因为健康、财务或家庭问题而感到焦虑，即使这些问题看起来对外人来说并不严重。这种持续的紧张感可能导致他们难以放松，总是感觉有未完成的事情挂心上。
- 回避社交：与抑郁症中的兴趣丧失相似，焦虑的老年人可能会避免参与社交活动，害怕与人交往可能带来的压力或不确定性。他们可能会拒绝参加家庭聚会，或者避免与朋友见面，因为这些活动可能引发或加剧他们的焦虑感。
- 身体症状：焦虑不仅影响心理状态，也会引起身体症状，如心悸、头晕、肌肉紧张、消化不良或胃痛。有的出现惊恐发作，类似于心脏病发作的症状，而被老年人归咎于身体健康问题，却没有意识到它们实际上是老年焦虑症的体现。
- 睡眠障碍：与老年抑郁中的睡眠问题类似，焦虑也会导致睡眠障碍。老年人可能难以入睡，或在夜间醒来后难以再次入睡。他们可能会因为即将到来的活动或未解决的问题而在夜间翻来覆去，无法安心睡眠。
- 集中注意力困难：持续的焦虑可能干扰老年人的注意力和记忆力，使他们难以集中精力完成任务或跟随对话。这种注意力分散可能被误解为认知衰退的正常迹象，而实际上是焦虑的结果。事实上，老年人焦虑发作的时候，经常无法清楚的思考任何问题。
- 过度担忧健康状况：老年焦虑患者可能会对自己的健康状况感到过度担忧，对普通的身体变化或小病小痛反应过度，担心这些可能是严重疾病的前兆。这种对健康的过度关注，往往会使老年人频繁不断的找医生做各种检查，甚至也不相信医生的诊断和建议，似乎必须要给自己找出点身体疾病才能罢休，但又容易进入下一个焦虑的死循环。

帮助父母减轻老年抑郁和焦虑

一、增进与父母的沟通

沟通在帮助缓解父母的老年抑郁和焦虑中扮演着关键角色。以下是一些具体的策略，可以帮助您更有效地与父母沟通，从而减轻他们的心理负担。

建立日常沟通的习惯：定期与父母交谈，不仅仅在您察觉到他们有问题时。这种日常的交流可以帮助您更好地了解他们的感受和需求，同时也让他们感到被关心和支持。
鼓励表达感受：鼓励父母表达他们的担忧和感受，即使这些感受可能对您来说难以理解或接受。确保他们知道您愿意倾听，而不是立刻提供解决方案或评判。
使用开放式问题：使用开放式问题鼓励父母分享更多信息，例如问“您今天感觉如何？”而不是“您今天感觉好吗？”这样的问题可以让对话更加深入，让父母有机会分享他们的真实感受。
倾听并确认感受：在父母分享时，给予他们您的全神贯注。通过点头、眼神接触或重复他们的话来表明您在倾听。确认他们的感受，让他们知道他们的感受是合理的，您理解他们。
避免批评或轻视：避免批评或轻视他们的感受，即使您不同意。批评或轻视可能会让他们在未来不愿意分享感受，加剧他们的孤独感或焦虑。
提供信息和支持：在了解他们的感受后，您可以提供相关信息和支持。这可能包括提供关于老年抑郁和焦虑的资料，或者一起探索可用的支持资源，如心理咨询或社区活动。
共同寻找解决方案：与父母一起探讨可能帮助他们感觉更好的活动或策略。这可能包括参与社交活动、开始新的爱好或定期进行身体锻炼。确保这些活动是他们感兴趣的，以增加他们参与的可能性。

二、给父母提供实际的支持和帮助

在理解了老年抑郁和焦虑的症状，并通过有效沟通了解父母的具体感受后，下一步是提供实际的支持和帮助，帮助他们缓解这些症状。以下是一些具体的策略：

社交互动：鼓励父母与家人、朋友和社区成员保持联系。社交互动可以提供情感支持，减少孤独和隔离感，对抗抑郁和焦虑。
培养新的兴趣或爱好：帮助父母发现新的兴趣或爱好，这可以为他们的生活带来新的意义和乐趣。无论是学习一门新技能、加入兴趣小组，还是开始一个新项目，新的活动可以提供积极的心理刺激。
改善生活环境：确保父母的居住环境舒适、安全，有助于提高他们的生活质量。小的改变，如增加自然光照、保持室内整洁，甚至室内植物都可以对心情产生积极影响。

三、促进老年人健康的生活方式

鼓励健康饮食：健康的饮食对心理健康至关重要。鼓励父母摄入均衡的营养，包括新鲜水果、蔬菜、全谷物和适量的蛋白质。避免过多摄入糖和加工食品，这些可能会影响情绪和能量水平。
确保充足的休息和睡眠：良好的睡眠对于维持心理健康至关重要。帮助父母建立稳定的睡眠习惯，如每晚同一时间上床睡觉和起床，确保睡眠环境安静、舒适。
参与日常活动：鼓励父母参与日常活动，如散步、园艺或其他轻松的体育活动。这些活动不仅有助于改善身体健康，还能提高心情，减少孤独感。

四、寻求心理咨询专业帮助

当家庭支持和个人干预措施不足以帮助父母克服老年抑郁和焦虑时，寻求心理咨询专业帮助变得至关重要。专业的心理健康服务可以为父母提供专业的评估、治疗计划和持续的支持，帮助他们更有效地管理他们的症状。

了解专业服务的重要性：心理健康专业人员可以通过一系列的评估工具来识别抑郁和焦虑的具体症状，制定个性化的治疗计划，这可能包括认知行为疗法、心理治疗、支持性咨询或药物治疗。
选择合适的心理健康专家：寻找具有老年心理健康专长的心理学家、精神科医生或咨询师。确保这些专业人员了解老年人的特定需求，并且在处理老年抑郁和焦虑方面有经验。
参与治疗过程：家庭成员可以在治疗过程中发挥支持作用，例如陪同父母前往咨询，或在家中帮助他们实践治疗中学到的策略。
持续的评估和调整：心理健康治疗是一个持续的过程，可能需要根据父母的反应和进展进行调整。保持与治疗提供者的沟通，确保治疗计划满足他们的变化需求。

Dr. June的咨询师团队专业治疗老年抑郁和焦虑

中文心理治疗老年抑郁症在寻求心理咨询专业帮助时，Dr. June和Mind Connections的心理咨询师团队，对老年抑郁和焦虑提供专业治疗服务。我们的团队不仅具备丰富的心理健康知识，还对老年人群体的独特需求有深入的理解。

专业团队：Mind Connections的专业团队由经验丰富的心理学家和心理咨询师组成，我们在老年心理健康领域具有专业的训练和实践经验。
文化敏感性：我们认识到文化背景对老年人心理健康的影响，特别是在华人社区中，很多老年人还把心理咨询和心理治疗当作一件羞耻的事情对待。我们的专业咨询师团队有这方面的经验和专长，帮助老年人更好的接受心理辅导。
中文心理咨询：我们的服务不仅考虑到文化因素，还提供中文普通话和粤语心理咨询服务，确保沟通无障碍。所有的咨询师都精通汉语普通话和英语，可以兼顾老年父母和子女的语言需求。
综合治疗方法：Mind Connections的中文心理咨询师采用多种治疗方法，包括但不限于认知行为疗法、人际疗法和家庭疗法，以满足不同老年客户的需求。
持续支持和关怀：我们提供持续的支持和关怀，确保老年客户在整个治疗过程中感到被理解、尊重和支持。

选择Dr. June 和Mind Connections中文心理咨询师团队，意味着选择一个致力于提高老年人生活质量的专业团队，我们深信通过专业的支持和适当的干预，您的父母可以有效地管理他们的抑郁和焦虑，享受更加充实和快乐的晚年生活。

10 Steps to Embrace Single Life after a Breakup

Posted on October 31, 2023December 14, 2023 by Victoria

A breakup is undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences we can go through in life. How to heal after a breakup? Navigating the turbulent waters of heartbreak and rediscovering oneself can be tough. However, the journey of healing after a relationship ends paves the way for personal growth and renewed happiness. This guide offers a roadmap for those looking to confidently embrace single life after a breakup.

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve

You may ask, what to do immediately after a breakup? The first step in healing is actually allowing yourself to grieve. Without a doubt, a breakup is a loss, and with loss comes grief. You may feel lost after a breakup and go through different stages of grief. Even those who initiated ending the relationship also go through grief. Ever wonder, why do breakups hurt even when you wanted it? Actually, it’s because of the loss of the shared future, emotional bond, support, and companionship. Let alone the guilty feelings, the doubt, the change in identity, and the disruption of routine.

Understand that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or any other emotion that may arise. Therefore, give yourself the time and space to process these feelings. Avoid bottling up your emotions; instead, find a safe space to express them. Also, consider journaling as a tool for emotional healing, talking to a trusted friend, or participating in a support group.

2. Prioritize Self-Care after a Breakup

Among things to do after a breakup, self-care is crucial now more than ever. Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Ensure you are getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in regular physical activity. Whether it’s indulging in spa days, taking long walks, or simply reading a book, find activities that soothe your soul. Consider practices such as meditation, yoga, or deep-breathing exercises to manage stress and improve your mental well-being. Establishing a post-breakup self-care routine can significantly aid your emotional well-being.

3. Set Personal Boundaries

After a breakup, you’ll likely encounter a barrage of opinions and unsolicited advice. Remember to establish clear boundaries. Whether it’s deciding not to discuss the breakup or taking a social media hiatus, setting personal boundaries protects your mental space.

Meanwhile, another boundary you may want to establish is the “after a breakup no contact” rule with your ex-partner. As difficult as it may be, the “no contact” rule can be crucial. More often than not, continuing to communicate can lead to more confusion and prolong the healing process. Instead, use this time to focus on yourself and your healing. If you share mutual responsibilities or belongings, try to manage the exchange with as little contact as possible.

4. Reflect on the Relationship

Use this time to reflect on the relationship objectively. What worked and didn’t work? What role did you play in both the success and the downfall of the relationship? Are there any lessons you can take from the relationship? How can you use these lessons to improve yourself and your future relationships? Obviously, this is not about blaming yourself or your ex-partner, but about understanding the dynamics of the relationship to learn from. This way, you can use this time to work on any personal issues that may have contributed to the relationship’s downfall. That is, view the breakup as an opportunity for personal growth.

5. Rediscover Yourself after a Breakup

Often, in relationships, we compromise or change aspects of ourselves. We merge our identities with our partners. After a breakup, it’s essential to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship. How about reconnecting with old friends? Picking up hobbies that you may have left behind and exploring new interests? Actually, this is an opportunity to rebuild and strengthen your identity. This period of discovering oneself post-relationship can be enlightening and empowering. Anyhow, it is essential to build resilience after relationship loss.

6. Build a Support Network

Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of friends and family can be incredibly beneficial. These are the people who know you, love you, and are there to offer a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. Don’t hesitate to reach out and let them know what you’re going through.

Don’t forget to strengthen other relationships. While a significant relationship has ended, remember the other bonds you have. In fact, this is a golden period to reconnect with friends or family, fostering deeper connections. Strengthening non-romantic relationships post-breakup can provide the emotional support you need.

7. Establish New Routines

Apparently, a breakup can disrupt your daily routine and sense of stability. Yet, establishing a new routine can provide structure and a sense of normalcy. Routine can be comforting. So make sure to include activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s a new workout regimen, a morning meditation, or a weekly movie night, establishing new routines after a relationship ends can be therapeutic.

Something to avoid, though, is unhealthy coping mechanisms. It can be tempting to numb the pain with unhealthy coping mechanisms such as excessive drinking, binge-eating, or isolating yourself. While these may provide temporary relief, they can lead to longer-term issues and hinder your healing process.

8. Avoid Rushing into Another Relationship

Among the things not to do after a breakup, rushing into another relationship may be on the top. While the idea of a new romantic venture might seem tempting, avoid the pitfalls of rebound relationships. You may also want to get back together after a breakup, but wait. That is, wait until you have spent enough time for personal reflection, emotional detox, assessment of compatibility, and breaking unhealthy patterns. Give yourself the time and space to heal, grow, and embrace the positives of single life before diving back into the dating pool or the past relationship.

That is, be patient. Healing takes time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself. As a matter of fact, some days will be better than others, and that’s okay. The truth is, healing is not linear, and allowing yourself the time you need is crucial. When you’re ready, and only when you’re ready, open yourself up to new possibilities or new romantic interests. Remember, there is a future beyond this breakup, and you have the strength to embrace it.

9. Celebrate the Positives of Single Life

How to move on after a breakup? Actually, embracing single life after a breakup is a unique opportunity. Consider solo activities for newly single individuals. From solo travel to pursuing personal passions, there’s a world of experiences waiting for you. How about navigating social situations as a newly single person? Don’t forget to re-establish personal goals after a breakup. Dive in, explore, and cherish this phase. That is, embrace single life with confidence and find happiness post-breakup.

10. Consider Professional Help

Sometimes, the pain of a breakup can be overwhelming. “What should I do after a breakup?” If you keep asking yourself this question and yet the pain simply does not go away, it may be beneficial to seek the help of a professional. A psychologist or breakup counselor can provide support, strategies, and a safe space to process your emotions.

Healing after a breakup is a journey, one that is unique to each individual. It’s a process that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. Remember, it’s okay to grieve, it’s okay to feel, and it’s okay to seek help. Use this time to focus on yourself, your well-being, and your personal growth. The pain may feel overwhelming now, but with time and the right support, you will heal, and you will come out stronger on the other side.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. The relationship therapists and breakup counselors on our team at Mind Connections are here for you. There is a future beyond this pain. Take it one step at a time, be kind to yourself, and healing is possible.

Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. Junhong Cao

Tips to Be a Competent LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapist

Posted on July 9, 2023November 29, 2023 by Victoria

What does it mean to be an LGBTQ affirming therapist? What does it take to make a therapist’s space a safe place for a queer client? Being an affirmative therapist is more than a title; it’s a commitment to understanding and addressing the specific issues and experiences within the LGBTQ community. Indeed, it requires awareness, the right knowledge, and skills for an inclusive therapist to help foster self-acceptance, resilience, and positive mental health in their LGBTQ clients.

Understanding the Struggles of LGBTQ+ Community

The first step to becoming an LGBTQ affirming therapist is understanding the unique challenges that LGBTQ individuals face. In fact, living in the world as an LGBTQ+ individuals is not always easy; oftentimes, they face hurdles that their heterosexual and cisgender peers may not encounter.

External Challenges Faced by LGBTQ+ Community

All too common in their lives are discrimination, prejudice, and lack of acceptance. It’s not uncommon for them to experience rejection and misunderstanding from their families, friends, communities, and other part of their social support systems. Moreover, LGBTQ+ individuals have to worry about violence and hate crimes if they ever chose to be themselves openly or if they were caught doing so by the wrong crowd.

If people didn’t live in fear, they lived in silence. Gay people had to live in silence, hiding who they truly were: they would describe it as being “in the closet,” “living a double life,” or “wearing a mask and taking it off.” Unfortunately, living a “silent” life wasn’t enough to keep people safe from discrimination. As Audre Lorde, a famous writer and activist, once said, “My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you.”

Internal Struggles of LGBTQ+ Individuals

Sometimes, LGBTQ individuals face internal struggles as well, like grappling with their own identity or deciding when and how to come out to their loved ones. They might also deal with specific mental health issues that are more prevalent in the LGBTQ community due to these unique stressors.

Specifically, the 2023 Trevor Project reported that 41% of LGBTQ young people seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year. In addition, a large majority of LGBTQ young people reported recent symptoms of anxiety (67%) and depression (54%).

People in the queer community may face factors like minority stress. That is, the ongoing stress experienced by people from marginalized or minority groups due to their social, cultural, or identity-based attributes. Furthermore, people of color combined with LGBTQ+ identities may also lead to extra layers of challenges, including racism, cultural expectations, and language barriers. For example, as stated in this article, research suggested that 21% of LGBTQ+ AAPI adults are diagnosed with depression – this is much higher than non-LGBTQ+ AAPI (7%).

How to Become a Competent LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapist

Being an inclusive therapist means being aware of the challenges the LGBTQ+ clients face. It’s about recognizing that these experiences can affect mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. Once you understand these issues, you can better tailor your therapy techniques to address them effectively.

First, Educate Yourself

The first step in becoming a more intersectional therapist for LGBTQ+ clients is to educate yourself. Take the time to educate yourself. Learn about LGBTQ+ identities, experiences, and the unique challenges faced by different LGBTQ+ communities. Meanwhile, listen to LGBTQ+ voices in the news and in your own life. Stay updated on current research, literature, evolving terminology, and resources related to LGBTQ+ mental health. Constantly improve your cultural competence. This knowledge will help you better understand and empathize with your clients’ experiences. More specifically,

Understanding LGBTQ experiences, staying up-to-date with evolving terminology, and constantly improving your cultural competence can transform you into a highly effective LGBTQ affirming therapist.

Importance of Continued Education about LGBTQ Issues

The LGBTQ community is as diverse as a rainbow, with an array of identities, experiences, and challenges. Gaining a deeper understanding of this diversity can help you connect more authentically with your clients, validate their experiences, and provide the support they need.

It is essential to familiarize yourself with some unique concepts in the LGBTQ+ community. This way, you can better empathize with your clients and offer tailored interventions. For instance, transgender individuals often face unique stressors known as ‘minority stress’? Similarly, bisexual individuals can experience ‘bisexual erasure’ or ‘biphobia’.

Where to Find Resources

There are numerous resources available, from online courses to books and seminars. The American Psychological Association (APA) offers numerous resources on LGBTQ mental health. Websites like The Trevor Project or GLAAD also provide a wealth of information, while books like “The Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook” offer practical guidance.

In addition to these resources, it’s crucial to stay updated with the language used within the LGBTQ+ community. Language evolves, and the terms we use can greatly impact how people feel seen and understood. Always respect the labels and pronouns your clients choose to identify with. And when in doubt, ask.

Remember, becoming an LGBTQ affirming therapist is not a one-time act, but a lifelong journey of learning and growing. As you deepen your understanding, you’ll be better equipped to offer the respect, empathy, and support your LGBTQ clients need. So, stay curious and keep learning, because every bit of knowledge brings you one step closer to being the best ally you can be!

Second, Create a Safe and Inclusive Environment for LGBTQ clients

Recognize and Address Bias

To ensure a safe and inclusive environment for therapy, it’s important to acknowledge and address any biases or assumptions you may have. This may be about gender, sexuality, and other intersecting identities. Take the time to reflect on these potential prejudices. Strive to create a space where clients can openly express their experiences and concerns without fear of judgment or invalidation.

As an LGBTQ affirming therapist, creating a safe and inclusive environment is crucial. But what does that look like? How can you transform your practice into a welcoming haven for your LGBTQ clients? Let’s explore some practical tips.

Affirm and Respect LGBTQ+ Clients

Respect and acknowledge the gender identity, sexual orientation, and other LGBTQ+ aspects of your clients. Use language and terminology that aligns with their self-identified labels and is inclusive. Address any concerns or issues they may face related to their identities while also respecting their preferred pronouns.

If you see clients in person, think about your physical space. Is your waiting room welcoming? Consider incorporating LGBTQ-inclusive art, literature, or posters into your decor. Besides, displaying an LGBTQ pride flag or a sign with inclusive language can help clients feel seen and accepted.

Next, take a look at your intake forms. Are there options for different gender identities and preferred pronouns? Do they ask about sexual orientation in a respectful way? Updating these forms can show that you respect and affirm your clients’ identities before you start the sessions.

Be Humble and Learn from your LGBTQ+ Clients

However, creating a safe environment doesn’t end there. Respect must be woven into every interaction. Indeed, you need to be humble enough to learn learn from your LGBTQ+ clients.

Moreover, understanding the diversity within the LGBTQ community is key. Recognize and respect that every individual’s experience with their identity is unique and personal. Everyone’s journey with their gender identity or sexual orientation is their own, and it’s important to honor that in your practice.

Truth be told, LGBTQ+ individuals often see it a lifeline to find a therapist who truly understands and accepts them. As an LGBTQ affirming therapist, you have the power to create that safe, welcoming space they need. Your efforts can make a world of difference!

Third, Tailor Treatment Approaches

Becoming an LGBTQ affirming therapist isn’t just about understanding and empathy; it also involves using specific therapeutic approaches to best support your LGBTQ+ clients.

More specifically, person-centered therapy could help to focus on the clients’ strengths. It’s about understanding and accepting them as they are, with no judgment. As an LGBTQ affirming therapist, using person-centered therapy means creating an environment where your clients feel valued and understood for who they truly are.

Besides, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be an effective tool. CBT helps clients understand the connection between their thoughts, feelings, and actions. For LGBTQ+ individuals dealing with internalized negativity or anxiety, this approach can help them recognize harmful thought patterns and develop healthier ways to cope.

Fourth. Advocate as an LGBTQ Affirmating Therapist

As a therapist, it’s important to support your LGBTQ+ clients beyond the therapy room. You can assist them in finding helpful resources and support systems. This can be LGBTQ+ community centers, support groups, healthcare providers, and legal services, if necessary. It’s also beneficial to stay up-to-date on LGBTQ+-friendly organizations and professionals who can provide further specialized support.

Providing Support During Crucial Moments

A. How to support clients during coming out or transitioning. This is the time that most of our queer clients struggle the most. Typically, they may have gone through their own process of questioning, self-doubt, fears, research, and confirming. Besides, lack of social support could also keep them isolated. Supporting them to learn how to come out to their family and friends becomes super important. Helping clients in the trans community to seek help from physicians and agencies may be essential as well. An affirmative therapist should encourage open and honest communication, and seek their input and feedback regarding their treatment goals, preferences, and needs. Collaborate together to develop strategies and coping mechanisms that address their unique challenges.

B. Discussing relationships, dating, and sexuality within the LGBTQ community. An affirmative therapist should encourage open and honest communication, and seek their input and feedback regarding their treatment goals, preferences, and needs. Collaborate together to develop strategies and coping mechanisms that address their unique challenges.

Dr. June and the therapists on her team provide pride counseling for LGBTQ+ individuals and couples. If you struggle with harassment, hatred, related stress, anxiety, depression, or any other mental health challenge we are here to provide LGBTQIA-friendly therapy! Call us free for 15 minutes to discuss your concerns and seek pride counseling.

Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. Cao

How To Move On From An Ex

Posted on June 23, 2022June 15, 2023 by Victoria

Are you going through a breakup or end of a relationship?
Do you want to move on from an ex and get on with the rest of your life?
Ever wonder how to get over an ex you still love?

Love can truly be amazing! Relationships can bring out the best in each partner and can be a wonderful experience. However, when relationships turn sour, it can be very stressful to deal with. Some problems can resolve, and the couple will strengthen their bond, while others can be fatal to the union. Now your relationship turned into a breakup, and you’re wondering how to move on from an ex! This article will help you find ways to cope with your breakup and make peace with your situation in order to move on.

Should I Move On From An Ex Or Should I Wait?

Take yourself back to the time you were in the relationship. How do you think the relationship was overall? When is it time to break up? Your relationship may have been toxic. You and your partner fought all the time, had trust issues, jealousy problems, etc. The honeymoon phases soon turned into a nightmare sequence, and it felt like a battle every day for you two to get along or not fight.

On the other hand, you may actually look back with fondness on your relationship. Not all people break up because the relationship was toxic – sometimes you may love the person, but it just doesn’t work out. These situations can sometimes feel harder to get over. When you leave a toxic situation you mostly feel relieved and happy you don’t have to deal with the unhealthy relationship anymore. But what if the situation wasn’t unhealthy? What if you both cared for one another, but life got in the way of your plans?

What are the signs you should move on?

Your partner has moved on and started a new relationship;
You have been trying to get them back for a long time and it didn’t work;
Your partner has been distant and does not want to communicate with you;
You are only remembering the good times and choosing to ignore the reason why you broke up;
Being in a relationship seems to be your goal, rather than being in a healthy relationship with the right person.

Moving-on May Take Some Time

Any journey you take has its own timeline to follow. Healing can take time, and you may not be over your ex for longer than you’d like – and that is okay! You need to give yourself time to move on from your ex and let go of the relationship you once had. Each relationship contains its own dreams and ideals that went into it – you may have thought you were going to marry or start a life with your past partner.

With this being said, you might need time to grieve the loss of the relationship you once believed in.

How To Move On From An Ex?

1. Allow Yourself Time To Grieve

As mentioned before, grieving may need to occur for you to move on from an ex. In times of major loss in life, Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross says that people go through 5 stages of grief. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You may be able to relate to some or all of these stages of grieving your relationship.

You may have:

Denial over the relationship ending, your partner leaving, or the fact that you are not going to get back together.
Anger over unresolved issues or lack of closure. Your partner might have broken your trust or let you down, and you feel upset about this betrayal. You may feel like your partner gave up and didn’t fight as hard as you – this all makes you mad!
Tried bargaining – you try to convince your ex you should get back together or pray to a higher power to help your relationship find its way to healing.
Depression over the sadness that comes with a breakup. Breaking up can be emotionally and physically draining. You may stay up night because you keep crying. You now are losing sleep and feeling sad/ fatigued constantly.

2. Accept That the Breakup Happened

The final stage of grief is acceptance. After you g through the motions of the grieving process, you will eventually find your way to accepting of what has happened. As mentioned before, this process may take time so don’t beat yourself up if you struggle or fall back into old habits or stages.

When you finally can accept the breakup and that you shouldn’t get back together, moving on will happen more easily.

3. Identify the Main Issues

The relationship you may have had some wonderful times. You and your partner may have made many great memories together. However, don’t be fully blinded by the good times – there has to be some reason that you and your partner didn’t work out. Check out our other article about what makes a healthy relationship – if your relationship was not like anything mentioned in the article, it is better that you both split.

Identify these issues. If you have to, write them down in a list or journal to remember them. Remembering the reasons why you ultimately didn’t work out with this person can help you see that this relationship was not meant to be and move on.

4. Detach, Disconnect, and Detox

When in doubt, follow the DDD method. First, detach from this person. It can be challenging to move on from someone you constantly are with or see. In this case, put space between the two of you and distance yourselves – this space will give you time to remember and get back to how life was like without this person. This detachment can take place literally and/or a virtually – aka unfollowing or muting the person’s accounts.

There are sometimes when it is hard to get space from someone, even after a breakup. This problem can be due to having the same friend group or even having to co-parent children you share. In these scenarios, try your best to set healthy boundaries between you and this person to disconnect.

Detoxing this person from your life means getting rid of the things that may remind you of them. You may be a sentimental person who likes to hold on to things that have meaning. If you can do so in a healthy way, that is great! However, other people may struggle to do the same. A t-shirt or promise ring may make them feel sad every time they look at the object. In these cases, detox the stuff from your life. Give your ex back their things, donate the stuff to charity, or just throw it out! Do what feels right for you!

5. Lean on Support

In times when we struggle, it is important to lean on our support systems. If you are struggling with learning how to move on from an ex, go to the people around you who love you. Ask them for advice and if you can vent any worries, frustrations, or concerns to them. You never need to suffer alone, and you deserve to be comforted in difficult times!

6. Take Time To Focus on Yourself and Heal

Many times, especially in all-consuming relationships, people can lose who they once were. After a breakup, the person may not even recognize themselves or remember who they really are. Get back in touch with your inner, truest self. Start doing things you like again, following your passions, and enjoying your company. Take time to see who you are and even explore new parts of you that you didn’t even realize were there!

The era after a breakup is a great time to work on bettering yourself. Practice self-care and prioritize your needs. Be patient with yourself and have self-compassion in times when you stumble or mess up (we all might do silly things after a breakup). Many times after a breakup, someone’s self-esteem lessened. Work on building yourself back up – remind yourself of how great you are and what you deserve in life!

Also, take time to look back on the relationship and see what you can learn from it all. Identify what changes you can make moving forward or how you want your future relationships to go. When you feel ready, try opening yourself up to dating again and seeing what else is out there. Keep in mind, you don’t need to date again until you are fully ready to do so – in the meantime focus on prioritizing your healing journey.

7. Talk to a Therapist or Counselor

If you are struggling to move on from an ex, it is okay to reach out for support! Talking to a therapist can help you with any symptoms of depression or anxiety you are feeling over the split. A therapist can help you talk about your emotions with someone who understands and wants to help you, learn to cope with stressors, and start feeling like yourself again. Also, if you need help restoring your self-esteem, a therapist can help you gain back confidence back into your life. Call to set up a consultation today!

Tips for Young People to Overcome Burnout

Posted on April 4, 2022March 6, 2023 by junecao

Burnout effects are hitting young people extremely hard. We live in a society that promotes things like “hustle-culture” and the constant need to be productive. When taking a break or time for yourself, you start to worry about everything you are not doing and could be accomplishing. You look online and see all of your past classmates or new coworkers posting about all of their accomplishments. Social media is part of the stress that causes burnout. Research shows that social media can have a hand in promoting job burnout in people. It feels like you can never escape the pressures of working harder and harder – work-life balance seems unattainable at this point!

Do you relate to these ideas or worries? Are you a young person who wants to learn how to cope with and lessen burnout in your life? If so, keep reading!

What is Burnout and Burnout Effects?

The 5 Stages of Burnout

There are 5 known stages of burnout. According to and based on research, the stages are:

1. Honeymoon Phase

Have you ever entered a relationship with someone and felt like you were in a bit of a “love bubble?” People usually call this the honeymoon stage of a relationship – a time when you have excitement for the relationship and everything seems almost “perfect.” The same can happen in a new job.

When starting a new job, everything may seem good at first – the co-workers are friendly, the boss is pretty accommodating, and the work appears manageable. The more you stick around; your rose-colored glasses become more transparent. You may start noticing things you dislike about the job, work stacking up, or under-appreciation beginning to form. These things may have been there all along, but you didn’t due to all of your new excitement.

2. Stress Onset

The honeymoon phase feeling is disappearing in this stage and is now replaced with tons of stress. You start feeling more and more over-worked and unhappy. Due to the influx of work, you may not be sleeping. Lack of sleep starts affecting you at work by making you feel listless. It becomes hard to focus, and you may begin to forget things more and more. The burnout effects are slowly creeping in!

3. Chronic stress

In this stage, your stress starts consuming you more and more. You feel like things are getting harder to manage and stay afloat with. This stage of burnout effects can really begin to affect your physical and mental health negatively. Your emotions may feel more EXTREME. You are not just tired; you’re exhausted. You are not just annoyed about the work; you are angry!

Your life outside of work can begin to take a toll. You have no energy to socialize like once before because you feel drained. It’s a catch-22: Your state of being starts affects your work negatively, and your work negatively affects your state of being. All of this feels horrible!

Lack of appreciation or respect at work can make you feel not good enough or unworthy. You wonder if all this work is worth it?

4. Burnout

In this stage, the burnout effects truly infiltrates your life and becomes severe. The weight of all the work stressors feels like they’re crushing you. You may start feeling hopeless, horrible about yourself, void of self-esteem, and unmotivated to even get out of bed.

People start becoming used to burnout and may feel like they are stuck in this vicious cycle.

5. Habitual Burnout

This stage is the fifth stage of burnout – it focuses on the long-term effects of burnout that follow you each day. Burnout becomes your state of being and your “new “normal.“In this stage, the harm of burnout becomes more apparent, and the person may need to look for support to help them.

Negative Burnout Effects for Young People’s Mental Health

Burnout Effects vs. Depression vs. Anxiety

As mentioned before, people who feel the burnout effects start feeling really down about themselves and life. Burnout causes stress that can become chronic and ever-present in someone’s days. The overload of work causes intense pressure – the person is either stressing about getting the work done or stressing that they couldn’t complete their tasks.

When they are running behind on work, the worker feels terrible about themselves. They feel inadequate and like they are not good enough to work their job. Also, the lack of appreciation from their bosses or co-workers can cause them to feel like their hard work and efforts are seemingly pointless. The burnout effects make life harder and harder!

Research shows that burnout, depression, and anxiety are separate but “share common characteristics, and they probably develop in tandem.”

Depression Symptoms:

Feeling sad, lonely, helpless, and hopeless
Feeling empty and unfulfilled
Having bad sleeping habits – you find that you sleep too much or not enough
Weight loss or weight gain – you appetite is being affected
Not enjoying you passions or interests anymore
Irritability and agitation
Struggles with concentrating, remembering, or decision making
Feelings of fatigue
Experiences of guilt or worthlessness
Thoughts surrounding suicide or death

Anxiety Symptoms:

Constant and excessive worry
Worrying is apparent in more days than not
Worries have been consistent for the past 6 months
It is hard for you to control your worrying
Physical symptoms such as restlessness, tiredness, irritability, muscle tension, trouble concentrating, or trouble sleeping
The worries are negatively impacting multiple parts of your life: like at school, work, in your social life, etc.

Burnout Symptoms:

Feelings of under-appreciation fill your mind
Lack of or no motivation
Listlessness
Finding it hard to focus and pay attention
Dealing with constant stress and worries surrounding work and life
No work-life balance
Limited socialization
Hopelessness and indifference in life
Lack of sleep and feelings of exhaustion
Irritability, anger, and frustration especially when at work

Young People and Burnout

People can experience burnout for many different reasons throughout their young adulthood. People in their early twenties face pressure graduating college, trying to find a job, and keeping up with their social/dating life.

Romantic relationships take work, and there are stressors that couples can face together. If you are in a relationship and you don’t feel securely connected to this person, you may fear that cheating will take place or trust will be broken. Arguing a lot or communicating poorly can cause a lot of stress in couples. Also, ideas of the future, plans for what is to come, and other people’s projected opinions can cause couples to feel burnout

How to Overcome Burnout for Young People

How to Reduce Burnout as College Students

1. Work Smarter

If you feel burnout from your schoolwork, try to create healthy work/study habits. These habits can help you feel more organized and prepared for homework and test you have. Some suggestions can be:

Keeping a calendar of all the due dates you have coming up
Buying a planner and organizer to be more prepared and pay attention to details
Setting time aside to study each day. By studying a little each day, it can prevent from the need to cram before a test
Finding what study/work method works for you: if you are someone who visually learns, try watching videos to prepare or draw out diagrams. If you are more of an auditory learner, try listening to the audiobooks of your textbooks or assigned reading

2. Ask for Help

Don’t be afraid to go to your teacher or professor for help. There is no shame in asking for guidance, clarification, or even an extension. If you feel uncomfortable going to them in person, try emailing them or speaking to them after school. If you are a college student, try to go to your professor’s office hours and schedule an appointment to see them.

Tutoring is also a valuable option for you if you need more help. Tutors are people who took the class already and have the knowledge to share with you any tips and tricks they may have. Signing up for tutoring helps you ask questions to someone you may feel more comfortable speaking to rather than a teacher or professor.

3. Lean on Other Students

All the other students in your class are probably experiencing similar or the same stress you are when it comes to school. Try to lean on each other for support and go to each other when you need help. Organizing study groups is a great way to socialize and get your work done and learn.

4. Talk to a Counselor

If you feel like the stress of school is getting to you, try to speak to a counselor at school or on campus. There should be a guidance counselor there to help you with any problems you may have with school at school. Also, many colleges have mental health professionals on campus that can help you feel about specific issues if you are on a college campus.

5. Realize That You Are Worth More Than Your Grades

You need to realize that you are worth more than a grade on a test or paper. Your mental health is more important than your schoolwork, even if that is hard to believe. Students get so consumed with their work and feel like it means everything in their life. You are worth so much more than a grade on a paper – it doesn’t define you!

How to Cope with Burnout as Young Professionals

1. Realize That You are More Than Your Job

It can be challenging to find a job, especially since the pandemic. The stress of finding a job can be challenging to deal with. You may go through multiple rounds of interviews and feel stressed out from these experiences; only you did not receive the job. Logging on to websites, writing cover letter after cover letter, applying for jobs, getting ghosted, or being rejected is hurtful and stressful. Remember to keep your head up and know that your hard work in getting a job matters. Even if no one else can see how hard you’re working, you deserve to be proud of your efforts. You are more than your job description or title!

2. Follow Your Own Time-Line

Your life is going at its own pace and path. Remember that you are special, and no one else can be you. If you see people around you getting married or having kids, don’t worry! If you want these things, it will happen in its own time for you. You can live your life any way you want! Even if you don’t want kids, I want to be single and travel the world; that is okay! Do what makes you feel happy and fulfilled!

How to Reduce Burnout for Young Couples

Communication Skills

One of the most significant issues we face in life and relationships is communication issues. Think of how many times you were watching a movie, and the entire problem of the episode is centered around a miscommunication or misunderstanding.

As a couple, try your best to work on good communication skills. Some ways to do so are, to be honest with each other and validate each other’s feelings. Allow yourself to listen to your partner’s concerns and let them know that you hear what they are saying and appreciate them opening up to you.

If the situation starts getting heavy and you both start getting heated, it is okay to take some time apart to think about things and recharge. We can say many things that we possibly don’t even mean in the heat of the moment.

Try Couples Counseling

If a problem is consistently causing you and your partner stress, counseling might be able to help you! Going to a therapist can help you and your partner have your needs met, have your voice heard, and have the opinion of a third party on your situation. A therapist can help you communicate better and find ways to strengthen your relationship. In couples counseling, you can deal with some of the stressors you may be facing.

General Burnout Coping Tips

Do activities that help you de-stress
- Mindfulness practices: meditation, mindful walks, mindful eating
- Yoga and stretching
- Use Essential oils to relax
- Practice self-care
- Spend time in nature or with animals
Make an effort to maintain work-life balance
- Don’t look at your work emails over the weekend
- Take time to engage in something you like doing after work like a hobby or watching your favorite show
- Prioritize seeing your loved ones, going out, date nights, etc.
- Don’t be afraid to say no and stop people-pleasing at work: i.e. “I’m sorry, but I can’t take on that extra task right now in my schedule..”
Take care of your body
- Make sure you are sleeping enough, filling your body with nutritious food, drinking plenty of water
Build self-esteem
- If you don’t feel appreciated at work, remind yourself how proud you are of all your efforts! Motivate yourself and remind yourself how important and worthy you are
- Practice positive affirmations: i.e. I am worthy, I am strong…
Lean on support
- Look to people who make you feel happy and lift your spirits! You deserve to be reminded of how great you are by the people who care about and know you the best!
Consider Therapy
- A therapist can help you manage your stress better and live a happier/healthier life. Therapy can give you the tools to handle work-stress better, implement mindfulness techniques, build self-esteem, improve your relationships, and foster more hope about life!

How to Deal with Pandemic Stress During Omicron

Posted on February 4, 2022March 6, 2023 by Victoria

We are in the second year of this pandemic. Can you believe that it has been two years since COVID took over our lives and the world? This may be a difficult time for you and you may be experiencing pandemic stress – please know that you are not alone. Recent studies show that 47% of people reported feeling stressed amongst other difficult emotions.

We are living through a worldwide pandemic – who would have ever thought this would have happened? Sometimes, it feels like we are living in a chapter of a history textbook. The positive side of that perspective is that, just like we have read in history textbooks, different generations of people survived challenging times and eventually moved ahead to a new chapter. The world’s future is unknown for now; we need to take things day by day. This, however, doesn’t invalidate any of the stress you may be feeling. This article can help you deal with this stress and hopefully make you feel a little bit safer in these challenging times.

What the Pandemic Has Done to the World:

Unfortunately, it may be hard to remember a time before COVID. It has affected so many parts of our day and has changed how we live our lives. It can be jarring when you look back at old pictures and see how you used to live. There may be many times when you look back on a photo and think to yourself, “I can’t believe I wasn’t wearing a mask!” We are now very accustomed to wearing masks and keeping our distance from people.

Let’s Explore Some of the Other Ways the Pandemic Has Affected This World:

Distanced Us from Other People and Increased Isolation

The phrase “six feet apart” has infiltrated our lives. You may see this phrase on signs, placemats on the floor, or instructions. The distance you may feel is not only shown in this measurement; it is also evident in our lives in many different ways. The pandemic might have distanced you from the people you love.

You may not see your friends or family often in fear of getting sick. You may be fearful that you will expose your older relatives and, for example, haven’t seen your grandma in over a year. COVID has promoted significant isolation in people. People report feeling lonely and scared during these times. Especially with remote work and school, it is hard to meet people nowadays. Kids who go to school online may feel isolated from their friends and find it hard to make connections.

If you work remotely, you may have never even met your co-workers! It is all very isolating and makes it hard for us as social beings to navigate this world.

Created a Division in Our Society

This world feels divided in so many ways already, and the pandemic has only made it worse. You may know people who have strong beliefs on how to handle the pandemic – you either disagree or agree with them. People’s differing beliefs and actions during this pandemic have caused strife amongst us. You may have a friend that doesn’t believe in wearing a mask or getting vaccinated, and you may think the complete opposite. These vast differences cause people to argue, lose touch, and could even ruin their relationship altogether. In a study from 2021, 88% of Americans reported feeling like their nation was divided, even more than before the pandemic.

Made us Fear Doing Mundane Tasks

It’s crazy to think that we could go to the store or go to the movies without even a second thought a few years ago. Now to do such mundane tasks, there is a lingering thought of, “Will I get sick when I go out?”

People are fearful when doing things that would have seemed so simple before 2020. Some people have become afraid of leaving their house because even the slightest task may make them fearful of getting sick. Agoraphobia might occur in people with this constant stress. These people fear that something terrible will happen to them when they are not in the comfort and security of their own homes.

Prevented Us From Living Our Lives

People who enjoy concerts, festivals, or packed events might feel like they cannot safely do that anymore. If you consider yourself adventurous, you might struggle a lot during this pandemic. Concerts have been delayed or canceled, traveling seems impossible, and you may fear going to crowded spaces because of COVID. Many people, especially teens or people in their early twenties, fear that they are wasting their “golden years.” It can be hard to feel like you aren’t missing out on important milestones when this pandemic is taking over.

Cause Immeasurable Loss in Our Lives

The pandemic may have created loss in your life in many ways. People have become unemployed from the pandemic and have been laid off. So many places like hospitals and schools are understaffed. This causes people who work at these understaffed places to take on an increased workload and face immense stress. This stress can cause burnout and people to question if they can even do their job anymore. It feels like they have to choose between making a living or ensuring their wellbeing.

The pandemic may have also taken loved ones from you. COVID may have affected your loved ones and caused them to pass away. This loss may be challenging for you to deal with and makes you extremely upset during these times. Even if COVID has not taken a close loved one from you, it has likely affected so many people you know.

Ways to Deal with Pandemic Stress

First, Check-in With Yourself Daily

It can be hard to navigate immense pandemic stress and challenging times. Make sure that you check in with yourself and see how you feel each day. Some days, you may feel more hopeful and happy in life, and there may be other times when you feel discouraged and sad.

Know that your emotions are valid, and you should embrace them instead of ignoring them. Try journaling about how you feel and making a note of which days are harder than others. When you have a bad day, you can look back on the days that you were happy and find hope that you will feel this way again.

Second, Do Things That Make You Happy

If you check in with yourself and feel upset, try to do something that’ll make you happy. Think about what you enjoy doing. You may enjoy watching a particular show or movie. There may be an album that always brings a smile to your face or gives you a sense of calmness. A hobby can be a great way to release your thoughts and immerse yourself in a creative project.

Another way you can make yourself happy and avoid pandemic stress is by reaching out to people. Social support and finding someone that you can rely on is a healthy way to deal with stress during the pain.

Third, Lean on social support

As mentioned in the prior section, social support is critical during this time. In an age where people feel very isolated and alone, it is essential to rely on people you can trust. You may be fearful of seeing others and feel more comfortable at home, but this does not have to prevent you from socializing. Try implementing Zoom or FaceTime calls with people. You can text your friends and send each other fun videos or pictures.

There are also apps where you can meet people and make new connections. Another way to do so is by joining a new club or class. If you don’t want to go in person, many organizations meet online and do virtual meetings.

Fourth, Turn to Mindfulness in Times of Stress

Mindfulness helps people find peace when experiencing pandemic stress or anxiety. You can practice mindfulness by:

Doing a guided meditation video
Practicing yoga or stretching
Completing a breathing exercise
Taking part in a guided imagery exercise

Mindfulness can also be practiced through accepting your situation. Living through COVID is not ideal and can be very difficult. However, learning to accept these times and this period of your life can help you find peace. Once you feel calmer, you can focus on ways to improve your situation.

Fifth, Encourage Yourself to Get Through Pandemic Stress

Remember: You have survived 100% of your worst days! Remember this when you feel down. Even in the worst moments of your life, you have been able to push through and be where you are today. You have resilience and strength living in you! Try to remind yourself that these times will pass, and you will feel hope and optimism once more.

Ways to Encourage Yourself:

Recite positive affirmations; positive affirmations can help you feel good about yourself and life. These affirmations are ways to attract things you want in your life and promote positivity inside of you.
- You can say: I am…calm, safe, happy with the connections I have in my life, going towards the right direction, facing my fears, etc.
Get inspired by people from the past: you can encourage yourself by thinking about the past generations. There have been many periods in history that were hard for people to deal with, for example, the Great Depression. You may have grandparents or great-grandparents that lived through this time. This was a time when people were very sad and absent of hope. Seeing people get through these challenging times can motivate you to do the same.
- If you are fortunate enough to have some of these relatives alive still, go to them for advice or guidance
- Remember that we are resilient, and humans can adapt to way more than you think. Rely on strength from your ancestors, and remember that they are rooting you on!

Sixty, Don’t Do Things that Make You Uncomfortable

There have been many ups and downs during this pandemic. When there is a surge in cases, you may feel even more stress than usual. This can cause you to avoid going out to crowded places or doing certain activities. Check-in with yourself, as mentioned before, and see how you are feeling. If you feel like you don’t feel safe and a specific plan would cause you anxiety, don’t feel obligated to do it. If someone is peer pressuring you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, that is not okay! Listen to your intuition and honor your comfort level. Your boundaries matter, and you deserve to feel safe! If you decide to go out, try to be safe by wearing your mask and keeping your distance.

Seventh, Consider Going to Therapy for Pandemic Stress

Unfortunately, many people are experiencing depression and pandemic stress during these years. You do not deserve to struggle alone! A therapist can help you get through these times, provide support, and guide you in finding hope once again. Our team of therapists would love to help you! Our team will help you with depression, anxiety, self-esteem, and any other problems you may be facing.

What Makes a Healthy Relationship

Posted on February 2, 2022March 6, 2023 by Victoria

What makes a healthy relationship?
How do couples stay strong after years and years?
Are you looking for advice on making your relationship last?

If you can relate to any of these questions, this article is for you! When you are in the honeymoon phase, it feels like nothing could ever go wrong. You are so enamored by the other person that the idea of problems arising makes you shrug your shoulders. As time passes, couples go through many experiences together – many of them are good, and unfortunately, a handful of them might be bad. The strength of a relationship is tested when these low periods arise. You hope that you and your partner can make it through these rocky waters together. In America, divorce rates are at 50% – this statistic makes couples worry about their future together.

Don’t fear! If you are going through a tough time in your relationship currently, you deserve support! You may be wondering, “What makes a healthy relationship?” or, “How do I achieve longevity/happiness long-term? Before we answer these questions, let’s look at the reasons why you and your partner may be struggling.

Why You May Be Struggling in Your Relationship

1. There is No Trust

Trust is one of the most important things to have in a relationship. If you cannot trust your partner, it is common to feel a sense of dread when they are not with you or don’t answer your text right away. Another partner may have cheated on you, and you fear that the same will happen in this relationship – you may have this fear even though there are no signs of distrust so far. One of the partners may lack self-esteem and feel like they can lose their significant other at any moment. Finally, and most unfortunate, someone may have strayed in the relationship, which broke the trust entirely.

No matter the reasoning, this lack of trust will cause a break in your foundation. If you cannot trust your partner, it will cause many arguments, disagreements, and stress in your life.

2. Communication is Non-Existent or Terrible

Along with trust, healthy communication is essential in a relationship. Communication is important for many reasons. Here are some of the reasons that communication is necessary to have between you and your partner:

Communication is essential when disagreements arise
- As much as you may feel in sync with your partner/compatible, there will be times when issues will arise. To have a healthy relationship, you must be able to sit down with your partner and discuss these situations without yelling, blowing up, throwing things, or having it all escalate. If you cannot do this, it will be hard to resolve or compromise. This is how problems prolong themselves and survive without a solution in a relationship.
Communication is important in your physical relationship with your partner
- An unhappy sex life is a significant reason people face problems in their relationship and break up or cheat. It is important to communicate with your partner about what you want and need in a relationship. Communication is also essential when it comes to consent. You deserve to be with a partner that makes you feel comfortable enough to say when you are not in the mood, uncomfortable, or want to stop. Consent can be given or taken back at any moment. You and your partner should communicate about consent each time you have sex.
Communication is essential when planning for/talking about your future
- To be on the same page, you both have to communicate what you want out of your relationship. You may imagine a long-term relationship with your partner that involves buying a house, getting married, and having kids one day. On the other hand, your partner may feel totally different! They might not see this relationship as long-term and don’t desire to have kids or move in together. These conversations need to be discussed together, or it will cause confusion/disappointment.

3. You Have Grown Apart from Each Other

It is lovely to hear stories about high school or college sweethearts. Finding someone you love while you’re young and growing up together is an amazing experience. Many people can grow together and navigate the tides of life easily. However, other people find it hard to keep the spark alive. They may have met when they were younger and developed/grew into different people. Hopefully, when you are a grown adult, you won’t think the same way you did when you were a teen. People change their ideas, beliefs, ideologies, and perspectives on the world as they grow older, especially in their twenties. This may have caused division between you and your partner. You don’t recognize each other anymore, and the good times seem to be just in the memories you have together.

What Makes a Healthy Relationship

It is essential to build up your communication and trust. As mentioned before, trust and communication are vital in a relationship. To have a healthy relationship, you must work on building these skills. There are a couple of ways to do so, but here are a few tips below:

1. Identify the Ways You Prefer to Communicate

Sometimes, it can be challenging to talk with your significant other because you have different conflict and resolution habits. For example, you may want to isolate yourself when you are upset after an argument, but your partner instead wants to talk right away. Sit down with your partner and discuss your communication preferences and what should happen when you both argue. Maybe you want to establish certain boundaries (i.e., specific topics need to be dealt with more care than others or particular topics are off-limits). Another example is that someone doesn’t like cursing/yelling when trying to communicate.

2. Establish Boundaries in Your Relationship That Are Concrete

People often face difficulties in their relationships because the boundaries are unknown/ignored. What someone considers cheating may not be deemed cheating by someone else. For example, some think that liking other people’s pictures on social media or watching explicit videos/content is cheating. Their partner might not view this the same way.

Talk about boundaries with your partner. Discuss what makes you feel comfortable or is a deal-breaker to you. After establishing these boundaries, if a partner crosses them, that’s a clear issue. This is also helpful for people who have polyamorous or open relationships. A polyamorous or open relationship can vary in many ways. For example, in your open relationships, you may have decided some rules with your partner. You both can be physical with other people but not pursue a romantic connection with anyone else. Figure out and establish what you and your partner are comfortable with.

3. Tell Your Partner What You Need to Feel Safe in a Relationship

If you struggle with trust, let your partner know what would make you feel comfortable and secure in your relationship. Sometimes, just an extra text when going out or an update throughout the day can make a partner feel more secure. It’s all about what works for you and your partner and how you guys can compromise in different situations.

4. Continue Having Fun With Each Other

Another reason people break up or stray away from each other is because their relationship feels stagnant. There was a time when you and your partner always went out to dinner and did exciting things together. Now, you guys don’t leave the house or have any date nights.

This can be common when couples have kids or other significant things in life to focus on daily. With everything going on in your life, it is still essential to tend to your relationship. Engaging in date nights/fun moments keeps the excitement alive in your relationship. You and your partner can still feel excitement by doing new things, taking new classes, trying new restaurants, or even practicing new hobbies with each other. Keep creating memories to prevent yourself from falling into the same, repetitive routine.

5. Explore Each Other’s Love Language

As mentioned before, you and your partner may differ in how you communicate or express yourself. A lot of times, opposite types of people attract. You both compliment and bring out the best in each other. However, this also means that you guys may possess very different ways of showing love and affection. Be sure to figure out your and your partner’s love language. The options can vary from:

Physical touch
Quality time
Gift giving
Words of affirmation
Acts of service

Find ways to show appreciation to your partner through their love language. For example, if your partner has gift-giving as their top love language, pick up flowers when you leave the grocery store or make them a special card. If their love language is physical touch, make sure to hug them when you say goodbye or put your hands on their shoulder when you are supporting them. You can find many different and special ways to show love to your partner that will translate to them as fulfilling.

6. Listen to Your Partner

This article has stressed the importance of communication in a relationship. Just as important as communicating with your partner is, listening to them is just as important. Listening to your partner means being open to what they say, remembering important details of their lives, and letting them know that you validate their emotions and feelings. You may not always agree with your partner, but make sure that they know that their opinion matters and you support their ability to express themselves. You might disagree on doing certain things, but it may lead to a quicker compromise if you identify and try understanding their POV.

Listening to your partner is also handy for the holidays or anniversaries. Listening to what they say lets you get them something that’ll make them feel like you pay attention to details and what they say. It will also be easier for you when stressing over what to get them as a gift.

7. See a Couples Counselor to Learn What Makes a Healthy Relationship

Couples counseling can be a great way to establish a healthy relationship with someone. Having a therapist talk to you about your problems may help you and your partner navigate troubled waters together. A therapist can listen to you both and give you a third-party opinion on the situations that present themselves.

A counselor can also help you identify if the relationship is beyond repair. Many couples can make it through their struggles, learn to communicate better, and love each other more deeply. Unfortunately, other couples may need to realize that their relationship is fading away, and they should separate healthily.

Understand and Overcome Perfectionism

Posted on April 23, 2021March 6, 2023 by junecao

Do you find yourself criticizing yourself often? You only feel happy when you can complete a task perfectly? Ever feel what you do is never enough? Do you have to have total control over your personal and professional relationships? If your answer is yes to most of these questions, you may very well be dealing with perfectionism.

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is about the desire to achieve perfection, or refuse to accept any flaws. As much as it helps you to achieve your goals, it could be painful and shameful, especially because it often leads to self-defeating thoughts and behaviors. In fact, we all know someone who may be a perfectionist. Obviously they have impeccable grades, double check everything they work on, and will feel terrible if they could not compete a task in its best form. These all might sound like great qualities, but only if they are about healthy achievement and growth.

The toxicity with perfectionism is not the desire for success, rather it is the avoidance of failure. Instead of being on a positive track, this type of thinking causes a negative orientation. In other words, fear takes over more than anything else. In reality, people who seek perfection rather than achievement actually end up being less productive. There is often a cloud of self-doubt and hesitation that comes with fear of making mistakes. Obviously this can be seriously harmful for your mental health as well as for achievements and success.

Signs Of Being A Perfectionist

Since the traits of being a perfectionist are quite common, it is important to distinguish being a high achiever from perfectionism. Identifying these traits can be useful to help motivate changing your mindset, environment, and drive towards success. Once you make that distinction, it will become easier to formulate a plan to adjust your mindset so that you are your happiest.

What a Perfectionist Looks Like

Typically a perfectionist always goes above and beyond the call of duty, and executes things to an nth degree. As a perfectionist, you obsess and overthink, dwell and stew on any tasks you work on. Also, there is nothing between 0 and 100 , that is, either you get it perfectly, or else is failure, including 99.

In general, these are some of the common traits a perfectionist exhibits:

Being pushed by fear
Critical of oneself
Unrealistic standards
Procrastination
Low self-esteem
Depressed from unmet goals
Controlling in personal relationships

These factors can sometimes be seemingly positive. Although they can lead to persistence and diligence, they can cause a toxic mindset, and ultimately feelings of depression and anxiety. Being able to bring these traits into control is important to ensure a positive and well-oriented path to achieving your goals!

What a High Achiever Looks Like

Unlike a perfectionist, a high achiever can be satisfied with doing an excellent job despite of small mistakes or lessons. They are much less critical of themselves and of others than are a perfectionist. That is, they can accept the flawed self and make peace with themselves. In addition, a high achiever is able to bounce back fairly easily from disappointment, instead of beating themselves up, Overall, a high achiever is less likely to be fear driven to achieve their goals.

What Causes Perfectionism?

Generally speaking, many different factors contribute to perfectionism. The overarching and most common facet is having unhealthy motivations and habits, especially when you try to achieve goals or avoid failures. It may also be more prevalent if you have had a bad experience of receiving criticism or “failing” a test or task. Wanting to avoid failure is not inherently negative; however, it is important to know that mistakes are okay and unavoidable in life. In addition, having low self-esteem can be one factor in wanting to achieve perfection. Self-critical people, on the other hand, may also avoid criticism from others.

Trying to deal with perfectionism becomes a harder task when you feel unable to speak to someone. When you’re reluctant to share your thoughts and feelings, it can feel a bit hopeless to try and change your mindset. It is hard to reveal your vulnerability to begin with, let alone the fear you might say the wrong thing or be seen as imperfect. By speaking to family members, friends, or a therapist, you can help to remind yourself that you are enough, and the job that you’re doing is enough. Especially when talking to people who are close to you and care for you, it can be an easier process to attain those positive reminders.

Dangers of Perfectionism

Some of the traits of being a perfectionist are seemingly positive things, such as being detail-oriented and having high standards. Although these ideas are facets of perfectionism, the real toxic aspects go deeper. For example, one may think that by caring about details and being scared of failure would lead to accomplishing many goals, and in a timely manner.

In reality, the focusing and obsession of details can lead to extreme procrastination. This can cause negative thoughts and feelings. When you focus on not failing, rather than accomplishing, you may want to avoid meeting a deadline. This is particularly the case when you feel that the task needs more efforts to achieve perfection. Instead of accomplishing things on a to-do list, a perfectionist will be more likely to delay the completion of a task in fear of imperfection.

There is also the danger of focusing so much on the perfection of a task. As a result, the journey is no longer enjoyable. You may forget the beauty of working process towards a goal when you only focus on the perfect accomplishment. These habits can lead to countless feelings of self-doubt, which can really control your life. Overall, having some of these traits do not have to be negative, as long as they are healthy and in moderation.

Tips to Overcome Perfectionism

It can be difficult to try and find the best solutions when anxiety or negative thoughts come with perfectionism. Also, the best solutions work for others may not be ones that work for you. In fact, they should be well customized to what fits your needs. Here are some tips for dealing with perfectionism:

Set realistic standards for yourself.
Reward yourself for accomplishments, even when you feel they may be imperfect.
Remind yourself that people may not be paying as much attention to the details within your work, and are less likely to identify flaws.
Set strict time limits on your tasks.
Learn to cope and accept criticism.
Speak to people about how you feel, and remind yourself that you are

We are Here to Help

Trying to overcome perfectionism can be a challenging process, but it can be achieved through using the right resources and adjusting your mindset in the way that works best for you. Speaking to a therapist can really help this process, especially because it leaves room in your schedule to really relieve everything building up in your mind. The most important thing to remember is that what you are doing is enough, and it can be helpful to repeat that as much as you need to!

If you are struggling with perfectionism and related anxiety, our psychotherapists in New York are here to help you. Give us a call free for 15 minutes. The therapists in our team will assist you in this journey of overcoming your perfectionism.

Special thanks to the contribution of our intern Tammy Krikheli

5 Signs That You May Need To See A Therapist

Posted on February 15, 2021March 6, 2023 by junecao

You may be thinking, “I’ve managed this long. Do I really need to see a therapist?”

Mental health is tricky because it is invisible; that is, it can sometimes disguise itself as headaches, exhaustion or other physical ailments. This can be especially hard to determine if we are dealing with issues that have been present for a long time. In fact, we may have been raised to believe it is weakness when we cannot “handle” the difficult times that occur through our lives, however, deciding to see a therapist does not mean that we are “broken” or that we have “failed”. Sometimes we just need help—and that’s ok. Maintaining mental health is a part of self-care, and seeing a therapist to get help is not only responsible, but is freeing because you are not doing this alone.

1. Regular coping strategies are no longer enough.

As human beings, we do not exist in a bubble. Actually we are creatures that respond to our environment. Discrimination, financial insecurity, or uncertainty about the future are among the few issues we can face every day, and a global pandemic has only made it worse. Maybe something traumatic has happened recently, or you have experienced the loss of a loved one or something that was once a core part of your identity. When you see a therapist, you can learn the skills you need to reduce depressive and anxiety symptoms or for more effective stress management.

2. You have been feeling stuck in life for a long time.

Whether it has been a few weeks, months or years, sometimes negative feelings stick with us for a while. Whether you have been feeling stuck in a relationship, in a marriage, in your job, or in the past, you may feel angry, anxious, or sad most of time. In fact, it does not feel like “you” when those feelings surface. Perhaps you are struggling to connect and communicate with those who are close to you. This does not have to be normal! We can become accustomed to believing that our circumstances and behaviors are fixed. The foundation of therapy centers on you believing that you are capable of change and that you can grow. So use it as an opportunity to find a way to be a better you.

3. It is interfering with your daily activities.

Not taking care of your mental health can have negative effects on your day-to-day livelihood. For example, you may be having trouble sleeping at night or you may stop communicating with your friends and family. Sometimes, it makes it difficult to concentrate or get any work done. As a matter of fact, illness and injury can affect us in similar ways, but we usually take medicine, rest or see a doctor. Your mental health needs just as much support. In other words, psychotherapy can become a part of your self-care routine. Think of it as way of taking care of your mind so that you can continue to experience life in a way that fulfills you.

4. You have developed unhealthy ways to cope.

When life gets tough, we try to find quick and easy ways to make ourselves feel better and get through the day. But not all methods we choose to cope are good for us. Isolation from our family and friends is a typical coping strategy. We may avoid going to work or school because it gives us too much anxiety. In particular, self-harm or over reliance on alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism are causes for concern. We may even seek to be around others who encourage our negative behaviors. When you see a therapist, it offers a way to learn more healthy ways to cope with our problems. Developing more positive habits further strengthens our mental fortitude so that we can better face daily challenges.

5. You need a different kind of support system.

It is great to have family members or a friend you can confide in. Usually they are the first people to know our troubles and our secrets. Sometimes family and friends are too close to the problems that affect us. Understandably we may be afraid to show the people closest to us how we feel because we want their approval. Advice, though well intentioned, can leave you feeling empty. Guidance and planning from a professional can help provide you with the steps you need to maintain your own mental health. That is why you may need someone with an outside perspective. Seeing a therapist not only helps you to get an objective assessment of your struggles, but assists you to get the support you need for your well-being.

See a Therapist in our Practice in New York

If you find yourself or someone you care about experiencing any of the above signs, or you have any questions about psychotherapy, call us free for 15 minutes to schedule an online teletherapy appointment with our psychotherapists in New York, NY. We provide psychotherapy in Chinese, Korean, and English. Let us help you take those first steps to better your mental health.

Special thanks to the contribution of Nicole O’Brien