曹君鸿博士受邀，作为华尔街电视的心理专家，讨论青少年约会恋爱与父母之间可能出现的矛盾。
Category: Uncategorized
电视讨论-发现孩子是LGBTQ，父母咋办？
曹君鸿博士受邀，作为华尔街电视的心理专家，讨论LGBTQ性少数群体与父母之间出柜come out，以及相互沟通和理解。
电视讨论 – 无性婚姻的难言之隐
曹君鸿博士受邀，作为华尔街电视的心理专家，讨论造成无性婚姻的原因、常见婚姻、两性关系问题、和解决问题的思路
电视讨论-父母来美探亲，心理崩溃怎么办
曹君鸿博士受邀，作为华尔街电视的心理专家，讨论探亲父母的家庭矛盾、情绪障碍、及心理问题
电视讨论-美国青少年抑郁与自杀问题
曹君鸿博士受邀，作为华尔街电视的心理专家，讨论青少年抑郁的成因、父母尽早帮助孩子预防和需求专业治疗抑郁的方法
Tips to Navigate Your Healing Journey
- Are you on a self healing journey from deep struggles? Ever wonder whether it is even possible to heal from emotional wounds?
- Any things get in the way of your healing journey? Maybe you have been hurting for too long, feel it’s too late to change, or you’ve tried so many different things but still feel stuck?
- How would you promote your own healing? What are important to learn to heal from your past and thrive in the life you want to live?
You may be struggling from depression or anxiety, been in a trauma, feeling rejected, or having a broken heart, When things are so overwhelming, it’s natural to feel defeated. No wonder you would doubt about the emotional healing process – I can barely survive this. How could it be possible to feel happy again and move on in my life?
However, healing is absolutely possible when you are determined to recover and rebuild yourself. A healing journey is a transformative time in someone’s life. It requires work to make changes, including your behaviors, your thoughts, and consequently your feelings.
Who Need To Start a Healing Journey?
People with Trauma or PTSD
Many people in this world have unfortunately experienced traumatic events. As a result, they can develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder that develops after exposure to a traumatic experience. Traumatic experience can include violent personal assaults, hate crimes, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, abuse, or military combat.
PTSD can cause many symptoms like intrusive memories, flashbacks of traumatic events, constant nightmares, avoidant behavior, numbness, hopelessness, etc. PTSD can also manifest in physical and emotional reactions (the person is easily startled, hypervigilant, angry, guilty, shameful, has sleep difficulty, or destructive behaviors of drinking, & using drugs).
Someone with PTSD hopes to heal some of their trauma and live a less affected life by their challenging past.
People Who are Dealing With Grief or Loss
Abby is experiencing a major loss in her life – the death of her best friend. Daisy was her right-hand person; the person she laughed with, made her most meaningful memories alongside, and loved unconditionally.
She feels the presence of her best friend missing in her life. Unlike people who go through friend breakups, there is no chance of a reunion when a friend passes away. Grieving someone’s death can be very trying on a person.
As mentioned in our past article, in times of significant loss, Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross says that people go through 5 stages of grief. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
People don’t only grieve other people; they also can grieve the loss of a pet, situation, job, etc. Abby also lost her job this year. This situation can be very upsetting and hard to cope with, especially when the job search is so challenging nowadays.
People Going Through Breakups
Breakups can happen for many reasons and can cause a lot of pain. Losing the love you once had for someone or separating from your partner can make your heart feel like it is shattering. You may feel betrayed, abandoned, confused, or guilty about the breakup. At least temporarily, this could make you doubt your worthiness. You may tell yourself, “I’m not likable or lovable”, “Nobody wants me”, or even “I’m worthless”.
As mentioned before, not all breakups have to be romantic – friendship breakups can hurt someone deeply. People going through any type of breakup need to heal and move forward.
People Who Struggle With Body Image
Many people, unfortunately, struggle to accept their bodies. Someone with body dysmorphia (BDD) is concerned about a certain body part/feature. The person thinks about this body part(s) constantly throughout each day and often experiences distress. The person with BDD looks at this body part as a flaw or something to be embarrassed about. What causes Body Dysmorphia remains unknown; however, its influences can include the pressure of societal beauty standards, critical/abusive parents, and low self-esteem.
Accepting and appreciating your body can be challenging. As mentioned in our article about body acceptance, we as a society feel the need to reinvent ourselves and constantly “glow up.” This societal pressure makes many of us might feel the need to change ourselves to please others. Sadly, people often treat others who don’t fit society’s made-up standards poorly. With all of these external stressors, a person can find it hard to love their body from the inside out – they need to heal their relationship with their body.
People With A Wounded Inner Child
Children can grow up in homes that neglected or abused them. These homes made them feel like their voice didn’t matter, they weren’t cared for, and love had to be earned. Inner child healing is all about comforting the child you once were. If you experienced trauma or abuse as a child has probably affected you in your adult life. Inner child work focuses on healing from the pain of the past. The child who was once scared, alone, forgotten, or hurt can now be seen and embraced.
In a study, the data shows that people’s inner child can majorly affect their lives. For example, the inner child can influence things like how someone treats or views future generations. This is why it is essential to heal your inner child and find peace from the trauma or challenging past events.
How Do You Know You Need to Start Your Emotional Healing Journey?
Here are some signs that you should start a healing journey:
- You have gone through a traumatic or hard time in your life
- You can’t let go of the past and move on – guilt, shame, or any other negative emotions always are floating around in your body
- There are some major changes you wish to see happen in your life
- You’ve become withdrawn and separated from the people and things you once loved to see and do
- You aren’t happy with how your life is right now
- There is a lot of hurt and pain in your body that you don’t now how to cope with in a healthy way
How to Start Your Healing Journey
1. Check In With Yourself
Some people are unaware of how much they’ve been struggling. It may take a loved one pointing it out to them or a good look in the mirror to see what their life has become. Take time to reflect on your life recently:
- Have you been going through a tough time?
- Has anything in your life recently caused you pain, grief, loss, anger, etc.?
- Did you go through a significant life event like a breakup or losing a loved one?
- Has your routine changed? Do you feel different emotions (ones of sadness, anger, disbelief, confusion)?
Allow yourself to answer these questions honestly. You could even journal your answers to fully explore these prompts and see the words presented in front of you.
If it feels like you need help after reviewing these answers, now can be the time to start your emotional healing process.
2. Be Open to Help and Lean on Support
Are you someone who hates asking for help? Do you feel like a burden going to people about your problems? If so, it can be hard for you to open up and be vulnerable with those around you. Know that you don’t have to be the “strong” one always and that sharing how you feel is not a weakness – it’s truly powerful to open up.
Your loved ones want to help you! They have probably been sitting by wondering when you’ll finally be ready to open up and come to them for support. Lean on these people! If you don’t feel like you have a support system, you can look towards support groups or therapy options.
3. Have Patience with Your Healing Journey
Healing can take time; the process is not always linear. You may feel like you are progressing in your journey (you are getting back to your routine, being more social, etc.) and other times when you can barely get out of bed. You may also have times when you go back to old vices you thought you healed from, like drinking alcohol or partaking in dangerous behavior.
Have faith in yourself and your abilities. Even if you feel like a downward cycle, you can always rise again. In life, we all have ups and downs. Have patience with your healing journey, and remember to be proud of any progress you make.
Encourage yourself and be your number one supporter. Also, show yourself self-love and self-compassion in times when you feel like you made a mistake or aren’t where you want to be in life.
4. Allow Yourself to Feel and Manage Your Emotions
To heal and move on from challenging situations, you have to face the feelings that sting or cause us pain. In times of distress or tragedy, you can experience various emotions and experiences. As mentioned before, many people go through the five stages of grief.
It can be easy to try and turn off our emotions and rely on coping mechanisms that can be unhealthy. Try your best to look within and embrace rather than rebuke what you are going through. Hiding away your emotions will make it harder to let go and heal.
Some ways to do so are by:
- Journaling to explore your emotions and check in with yourself
- Venting to a friend and letting yourself open up to them
- Joining support groups with people you can relate to or who are going through similar experiences
- Composing a letter to yourself and being as honest as possible.
- Writing a letter to the person you miss, are angry with, upset by etc. Let them know how you feel and what is on your mind – use this letter to vent your feelings. You don’t have to send this letter; keep it and reflect on it when you feel similar emotions.
- Listening to music that makes you feel different emotions, like a happy or sad song
- Watching emotion-provoking movies or TV episodes
You can cope with stress in these times by practicing mindfulness and allowing yourself to find peace in the present moment and center yourself.
5. Develop an Action Plan
For better prevention, intervention, and recovery, list all activities on your schedule. For example, things you can do to make you feel better:
- follow your daily routine, such as exercise for half an hour, have healthy meals, meditation, regular bed time, and good sleep;
- find triggers that could lead to negative emotions, such as an argument with someone, a financial loss, or some health issues. Then list things you can do to help yourself, such as, meditation, relaxation, talk to a friend or family, exercise, music, etc.;
- notice early warning signs of certain issues, such as tiredness, over-sleep or less sleep, emotional eating, irritability, and isolation;
- remind yourself of signs that things are getting much worse, such as more severe depression, a hard time getting out of bed, crying spells. It is important to list things to do to help you feel better quickly. For instance, get your prescription, contact your doctor or therapist;
6. Set Boundaries
When we are in bad spaces in our lives, we often end up in situations that aren’t the best. This can lead to people taking advantage of us or our lack of boundaries we have set in life. One part of healing is allowing ourselves to take up the space we may have thought we didn’t deserve at one point.
It also means creating limits with people and letting ourselves create distance from people who may benefit from our lack of boundaries. Some people may notice you changing during your journey of healing and growth; the people who want what’s best for us will be happy to see us thriving. People who want the opposite may be unhappy with these changes. Remember that you deserve to have caring people who respect you and what makes you comfortable or happy in life.
7. Consider Therapy on Your Healing Journey
If you have emotional wounds, struggle with negative thoughts, or repeat unhealthy or destructive behaviors, don’t hesitate to get help. Therapy can help you heal from past trauma, find healthy coping mechanisms, and live happier lives. Dr. June and therapists on her team would like to help you!
If you’ve been through trauma and have PTSD, therapy can help you heal. Trauma-focused PTSD treatment helps clients reduce trauma symptoms and improve their capacity for life. A therapist can create a PTSD treatment plan to help treat your trauma. Typical trauma therapy approaches may include:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
- Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (PTSD therapy EMDR or PTSD eye therapy)
- Mindfulness-Based Therapy
- PTSD Exposure Therapy
A therapist can help you heal from a grief-causing event in your life. Our therapists provide effective and supportive relationship counseling and can help you deal with your breakup, work on your self-esteem, and improve yourself. Treatment can also help people grieve significant losses in their lives. Grief can make people enter stages of depression. For some people, such sad and depressive feelings could persist for a long time. If you also withdraw from others, constantly have negative thoughts about yourself, others, and the world, lose interest, stop engaging in life, or even have suicidal thoughts, you may be facing clinical depression that requires treatment.
Finally, therapy can be beneficial if you need help healing your relationship with your body! A therapist can help you deal with any eating disorder or body dysmorphia you face. You deserve to live a happy and healthy life – one that allows you to be kind to your body and treat it with care.
Contact us NOW to learn more!
Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao
电视讨论-美国华人移民中的临时夫妻现象
曹君鸿博士受邀，作为华尔街电视的心理专家，讨论美国华人移民中的临时夫妻现象、造成的原因、及其心理影响
How to Deal With Golden Child Syndrome
Have you been considered the golden child your entire life? If so, you may face “golden child syndrome” later in life. Golden child syndrome is when a person is deemed the “perfect” or “successful” child growing up. This is the child the parents and other family members seem to have the most expectations for. As you can expect, a lot of pressure goes along with being the golden boy or golden girl. The effects of people always expecting so much out of you can start to hinder the trajectory of the rest of your life!
If you struggle with golden child syndrome, this article is for you! Keep reading to learn more about golden child syndrome and ways to cope with the pressures and expectations it comes with.
What it Means to Be a Golden Child
You may wonder what it means to be the golden child. What does golden child syndrome entail? Let’s go over some characteristics a typical golden child possesses.Gets Good Grades
Stays Out of Trouble and Helps
A golden child usually is never the one in trouble at home or school. The golden child stays out of trouble and is never called to the principle’s office or talked poorly about at a parent-teacher conference. At home, their good behavior usually continues. They rarely are the ones fighting or arguing with their siblings. They may even be the sibling that makes peace between the kids. Golden children often help their parents around the house, They are the ones who help clean up, set the table, take out the garbage, cook, etc. As you can see, golden children often assume much responsibility.Pressured By Their Parents
Golden children care deeply about their parent’s opinions. How could they not? Parents of golden children often shower the child in praise, set very high expectations for them, and rely heavily on their contributions to the family. As mbgmindfulness reports, golden children are often the product of narcissistic parents. The parents will rely heavily on the golden child to boost their self-esteem, often gloating about their child’s accomplishments to other people. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a disorder that affects .5% of Americans. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are usually characterized as feeling like they are above others. People with this disorder desire things like power, attention, and envy from others.
The DSM 5 definition of NPD:
- Constant feelings of grandiosity and superiority A desire for unlimited power, control, success
- An insatiable need for attention
- A belief in being better than others
- A High sense of entitlement
- Exploitative relationships – using or taking advantage of others
- A Lack of empathy
- A Large deal of envy
- Arrogance
The Negative Side of Being the Golden Child
People who have been labelled “golden children” their entire lives can face some troubling effects. Meanwhile, being the golden child in a family can lead to many long-term issues in relationships, parenting, work, mental health, and wellbeing such as self-worth and self-esteem.Stress, Burnout, Depression, and Anxiety
A golden child may have no childhood; that is to say, they assume an adult role very early as a child. They may only focus on productive tasks or whatever can help them to build a perfect resume. In order to get praise, approval, attention, and love from their parents, a golden child will need to be a high achiever and reach perfection constantly. Of course they have to work very hard to meet parents’ expectations.
For one thing, they can feel extreme pressure in their lives. These people will feel the weight of the world on their shoulders. In other words, high expectations for them will loom over them constantly. This immense stress can even lead to burnout. Due to the pressures to perform, achieve, and care for others, golden boys and golden girls may be more likely to develop anxiety and depression.
Boundary Issue
Apparently parents expect their golden boys and golden girls to fulfill parents’ dreams, but not children’s. The end result? Children have none of their own goals because parents have repeatedly violated the boundary. Consequently, children may feel empty inside when they try to pursue parents’ life goals.Part of the Gold Child Syndrome – People-Pleaser
It may feel like the golden child is always looking for other people’s approval. This constant need to make other’s happy can lead the golden child to develop people-pleasing habits. A people pleaser is someone who is usually liked by others for being easy-going and very agreeable. Dr. Sherry Pagoto believes that people start people-pleasing because they fear rejection from others. Pagoto thinks that people’s pleasing tendencies can start in childhood. If parents are overly hard on their kids for the mistakes they make, the child can grow up to develop anxiety over disappointing others.The Narcissist Golden Child vs. The Scapegoat
Without a doubt, the golden child could easily develop narcissism because of all favorite treatment from parents. The negative effects of being a golden child can also extend to the other siblings in the family. When there is a narcissist golden child, unfortunately there is usually a scapegoat in the family. In fact, the golden child and scapegoat dynamic in siblings often causes dysfunctional family relationships and affects both children in serious ways. The scapegoat may view the golden child as their competition; a person that they will never measure up to. They may strive for their parents love, but feel like they will never receive the affection the golden child does. The golden child and their siblings may all struggle with self-esteem issues brought on by their parent’s praise and neglect of the children.The AAPI Community and the Golden Child Syndrome
In the AAPI community, a golden child is usually a golden boy because the son almost always favored when he is supposed to carry the family name. Of course golden girls are not uncommon nowadays.
Truth be told, the “golden child” label puts a lot of pressure on a person growing up. People in the AAPI community face another stressful label, the “model minority.” The model minority label upholds the idea that AAPI people are extremely hardworking and easily succeed in school and work. While this seems may seem like a good thing, this theory actually stems from racism against AAPI people in America. Both labels put extreme expectations and pressure on children growing up.
The pandemic has brought so much more discrimination to AAPI communities. A child that is in the AAPI community needs to be supported now more than ever. The label of golden child or model minority only harms a person growing up and can lead them to face the negative effects mentioned before.
How to Cope With the Golden Child Syndrome
1. Awareness
Improving awareness is the first step to transformation because you need to acknowledge what’s causing you pain in order to change it. Indeed, it is important to get to know yourself outside of who your parents told you to be. One way to get better insight is to go inward and discover who you are and what you really want, rather than what your parents want from you,
2. Boost Self-Love and Support in Your Life
Many golden children rely on other people for their validation. Their entire lives have been comprised of praise from other people. This can make someone constantly feel like they need to achieve and get noticed by others. It can be hard for this person to look within themselves and find self-worth.
One way to heal from being a golden child is to take your power back and embrace it from within. Work on building your self esteem! Watch how you speak to yourself. Negative self-talk causes someone to bring their confidence down. The words you say to yourself matter so be mindful or what you say. Talking kindly to yourself and using words of encouragement or affirmations can help improve the way you view yourself.
As mentioned before, golden children often look for validation from other people. Since they crave that approval, failing and not being applauded can harm them greatly. Golden children can find it hard to be supportive to themselves in moments of failure. Building self-compassion is necessary in these times.
3. Stop Measuring Your Worth By Success
You are so much more than the what you can do for people or how much you’ve achieved in life. If you take away all the awards and accolades, you would still be you (and that is enough). Success can be wonderful to experience, but it doesn’t define your life. No one will ever be perfect; we are humans, after all.
Growing up as a golden child, you felt like you received love by how much you impressed and pleased others. Challenge your idea of what love means – you deserve to have people who care about you for YOU, not just what you can do for them.
4. Prioritize Your Needs and Boundaries
People who grew up as golden children can struggle with people-pleasing. People-pleasers often struggle saying “no” to people and setting boundaries. Setting boundaries and honoring your comfort level/limits is important; we all deserve to prioritize our needs and wants in life. Setting boundaries allows us to take control of our lives and enforce what we are and are not okay with happening.
When people don’t respect our boundaries, it shows us that they don’t truthfully respect us. Someone who respects you would want to make sure your comfort levels and needs were being protected.
5. Detach From Toxic People
As mentioned in the past sections, someone who should be in your life should respect and honor your boundaries. If there are people in your life who don’t do so or just negatively impact your life overall, know that you don’t have to continue allowing them in your life.
If people are still holding toxic standards or expectations over you, putting you in uncomfortable situations, or making you feel bad about yourself know that you don’t deserve this treatment. Distancing yourself from people who hurt you isn’t “mean” or uncalled for; it is necessary to maintaining your personal peace and happiness in life. You deserve to have amazing people around you that uplift and encourage you, rather than tearing you down.
6. Heal Your Inner Child
Since many people are labelled “golden child” from their parents and at an early age, they made need to do some inner-child work to cope. If you are interested in learning more, check out Mind Connection’s article for healing your inner child.
Use journaling, mindfulness meditation, or other forms to help to better understand yourself and improve acceptance. Acknowledge your limitations and efforts as a child. Practice using tools to empower yourself to make your own decisions as an adult.
7. Therapy Can Help You, Today!
Therapy can help golden children deal with the pressures and stress they face and how these things have affected their lives. I offer many services that can help you cope healthily with issues in your life – I provide therapy that helps people deal with tough relationships in their lives, self-esteem issues, and stress management – all topics a golden child (or former golden child) can come across.
I, along with the amazing therapists at Mind Connections, also specialize in helping Asian-Americans. Our therapists understand and advocate for this community, always!
Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao
How to Deal with Pandemic Stress During Omicron
We are in the second year of this pandemic. Can you believe that it has been two years since COVID took over our lives and the world? This may be a difficult time for you and you may be experiencing pandemic stress – please know that you are not alone. Recent studies show that 47% of people reported feeling stressed amongst other difficult emotions.
We are living through a worldwide pandemic – who would have ever thought this would have happened? Sometimes, it feels like we are living in a chapter of a history textbook. The positive side of that perspective is that, just like we have read in history textbooks, different generations of people survived challenging times and eventually moved ahead to a new chapter. The world’s future is unknown for now; we need to take things day by day. This, however, doesn’t invalidate any of the stress you may be feeling. This article can help you deal with this stress and hopefully make you feel a little bit safer in these challenging times.
What the Pandemic Has Done to the World:
Unfortunately, it may be hard to remember a time before COVID. It has affected so many parts of our day and has changed how we live our lives. It can be jarring when you look back at old pictures and see how you used to live. There may be many times when you look back on a photo and think to yourself, “I can’t believe I wasn’t wearing a mask!” We are now very accustomed to wearing masks and keeping our distance from people.
Let’s Explore Some of the Other Ways the Pandemic Has Affected This World:
Distanced Us from Other People and Increased Isolation
The phrase “six feet apart” has infiltrated our lives. You may see this phrase on signs, placemats on the floor, or instructions. The distance you may feel is not only shown in this measurement; it is also evident in our lives in many different ways. The pandemic might have distanced you from the people you love.
You may not see your friends or family often in fear of getting sick. You may be fearful that you will expose your older relatives and, for example, haven’t seen your grandma in over a year. COVID has promoted significant isolation in people. People report feeling lonely and scared during these times. Especially with remote work and school, it is hard to meet people nowadays. Kids who go to school online may feel isolated from their friends and find it hard to make connections.
If you work remotely, you may have never even met your co-workers! It is all very isolating and makes it hard for us as social beings to navigate this world.
Created a Division in Our Society
This world feels divided in so many ways already, and the pandemic has only made it worse. You may know people who have strong beliefs on how to handle the pandemic – you either disagree or agree with them. People’s differing beliefs and actions during this pandemic have caused strife amongst us. You may have a friend that doesn’t believe in wearing a mask or getting vaccinated, and you may think the complete opposite. These vast differences cause people to argue, lose touch, and could even ruin their relationship altogether. In a study from 2021, 88% of Americans reported feeling like their nation was divided, even more than before the pandemic.
Made us Fear Doing Mundane Tasks
It’s crazy to think that we could go to the store or go to the movies without even a second thought a few years ago. Now to do such mundane tasks, there is a lingering thought of, “Will I get sick when I go out?”
People are fearful when doing things that would have seemed so simple before 2020. Some people have become afraid of leaving their house because even the slightest task may make them fearful of getting sick. Agoraphobia might occur in people with this constant stress. These people fear that something terrible will happen to them when they are not in the comfort and security of their own homes.
Prevented Us From Living Our Lives
People who enjoy concerts, festivals, or packed events might feel like they cannot safely do that anymore. If you consider yourself adventurous, you might struggle a lot during this pandemic. Concerts have been delayed or canceled, traveling seems impossible, and you may fear going to crowded spaces because of COVID. Many people, especially teens or people in their early twenties, fear that they are wasting their “golden years.” It can be hard to feel like you aren’t missing out on important milestones when this pandemic is taking over.
Cause Immeasurable Loss in Our Lives
The pandemic may have created loss in your life in many ways. People have become unemployed from the pandemic and have been laid off. So many places like hospitals and schools are understaffed. This causes people who work at these understaffed places to take on an increased workload and face immense stress. This stress can cause burnout and people to question if they can even do their job anymore. It feels like they have to choose between making a living or ensuring their wellbeing.
The pandemic may have also taken loved ones from you. COVID may have affected your loved ones and caused them to pass away. This loss may be challenging for you to deal with and makes you extremely upset during these times. Even if COVID has not taken a close loved one from you, it has likely affected so many people you know.
Ways to Deal with Pandemic Stress
First, Check-in With Yourself Daily
It can be hard to navigate immense pandemic stress and challenging times. Make sure that you check in with yourself and see how you feel each day. Some days, you may feel more hopeful and happy in life, and there may be other times when you feel discouraged and sad.
Know that your emotions are valid, and you should embrace them instead of ignoring them. Try journaling about how you feel and making a note of which days are harder than others. When you have a bad day, you can look back on the days that you were happy and find hope that you will feel this way again.
Second, Do Things That Make You Happy
If you check in with yourself and feel upset, try to do something that’ll make you happy. Think about what you enjoy doing. You may enjoy watching a particular show or movie. There may be an album that always brings a smile to your face or gives you a sense of calmness. A hobby can be a great way to release your thoughts and immerse yourself in a creative project.
Another way you can make yourself happy and avoid pandemic stress is by reaching out to people. Social support and finding someone that you can rely on is a healthy way to deal with stress during the pain.
Third, Lean on social support
As mentioned in the prior section, social support is critical during this time. In an age where people feel very isolated and alone, it is essential to rely on people you can trust. You may be fearful of seeing others and feel more comfortable at home, but this does not have to prevent you from socializing. Try implementing Zoom or FaceTime calls with people. You can text your friends and send each other fun videos or pictures.
There are also apps where you can meet people and make new connections. Another way to do so is by joining a new club or class. If you don’t want to go in person, many organizations meet online and do virtual meetings.
Fourth, Turn to Mindfulness in Times of Stress
Mindfulness helps people find peace when experiencing pandemic stress or anxiety. You can practice mindfulness by:
- Doing a guided meditation video
- Practicing yoga or stretching
- Completing a breathing exercise
- Taking part in a guided imagery exercise
Mindfulness can also be practiced through accepting your situation. Living through COVID is not ideal and can be very difficult. However, learning to accept these times and this period of your life can help you find peace. Once you feel calmer, you can focus on ways to improve your situation.
Fifth, Encourage Yourself to Get Through Pandemic Stress
Remember: You have survived 100% of your worst days! Remember this when you feel down. Even in the worst moments of your life, you have been able to push through and be where you are today. You have resilience and strength living in you! Try to remind yourself that these times will pass, and you will feel hope and optimism once more.
Ways to Encourage Yourself:
- Recite positive affirmations; positive affirmations can help you feel good about yourself and life. These affirmations are ways to attract things you want in your life and promote positivity inside of you.
- You can say: I am…calm, safe, happy with the connections I have in my life, going towards the right direction, facing my fears, etc.
- Get inspired by people from the past: you can encourage yourself by thinking about the past generations. There have been many periods in history that were hard for people to deal with, for example, the Great Depression. You may have grandparents or great-grandparents that lived through this time. This was a time when people were very sad and absent of hope. Seeing people get through these challenging times can motivate you to do the same.
- If you are fortunate enough to have some of these relatives alive still, go to them for advice or guidance
- Remember that we are resilient, and humans can adapt to way more than you think. Rely on strength from your ancestors, and remember that they are rooting you on!
Sixty, Don’t Do Things that Make You Uncomfortable
There have been many ups and downs during this pandemic. When there is a surge in cases, you may feel even more stress than usual. This can cause you to avoid going out to crowded places or doing certain activities. Check-in with yourself, as mentioned before, and see how you are feeling. If you feel like you don’t feel safe and a specific plan would cause you anxiety, don’t feel obligated to do it. If someone is peer pressuring you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, that is not okay! Listen to your intuition and honor your comfort level. Your boundaries matter, and you deserve to feel safe! If you decide to go out, try to be safe by wearing your mask and keeping your distance.
Seventh, Consider Going to Therapy for Pandemic Stress
Unfortunately, many people are experiencing depression and pandemic stress during these years. You do not deserve to struggle alone! A therapist can help you get through these times, provide support, and guide you in finding hope once again. Our team of therapists would love to help you! Our team will help you with depression, anxiety, self-esteem, and any other problems you may be facing.
What Makes a Healthy Relationship
- What makes a healthy relationship?
- How do couples stay strong after years and years?
- Are you looking for advice on making your relationship last?
If you can relate to any of these questions, this article is for you! When you are in the honeymoon phase, it feels like nothing could ever go wrong. You are so enamored by the other person that the idea of problems arising makes you shrug your shoulders. As time passes, couples go through many experiences together – many of them are good, and unfortunately, a handful of them might be bad. The strength of a relationship is tested when these low periods arise. You hope that you and your partner can make it through these rocky waters together. In America, divorce rates are at 50% – this statistic makes couples worry about their future together.
Don’t fear! If you are going through a tough time in your relationship currently, you deserve support! You may be wondering, “What makes a healthy relationship?” or, “How do I achieve longevity/happiness long-term? Before we answer these questions, let’s look at the reasons why you and your partner may be struggling.
Why You May Be Struggling in Your Relationship
1. There is No Trust
Trust is one of the most important things to have in a relationship. If you cannot trust your partner, it is common to feel a sense of dread when they are not with you or don’t answer your text right away. Another partner may have cheated on you, and you fear that the same will happen in this relationship – you may have this fear even though there are no signs of distrust so far. One of the partners may lack self-esteem and feel like they can lose their significant other at any moment. Finally, and most unfortunate, someone may have strayed in the relationship, which broke the trust entirely.
No matter the reasoning, this lack of trust will cause a break in your foundation. If you cannot trust your partner, it will cause many arguments, disagreements, and stress in your life.
2. Communication is Non-Existent or Terrible
Along with trust, healthy communication is essential in a relationship. Communication is important for many reasons. Here are some of the reasons that communication is necessary to have between you and your partner:
Communication is essential when disagreements arise
- As much as you may feel in sync with your partner/compatible, there will be times when issues will arise. To have a healthy relationship, you must be able to sit down with your partner and discuss these situations without yelling, blowing up, throwing things, or having it all escalate. If you cannot do this, it will be hard to resolve or compromise. This is how problems prolong themselves and survive without a solution in a relationship.
Communication is important in your physical relationship with your partner
- An unhappy sex life is a significant reason people face problems in their relationship and break up or cheat. It is important to communicate with your partner about what you want and need in a relationship. Communication is also essential when it comes to consent. You deserve to be with a partner that makes you feel comfortable enough to say when you are not in the mood, uncomfortable, or want to stop. Consent can be given or taken back at any moment. You and your partner should communicate about consent each time you have sex.
Communication is essential when planning for/talking about your future
- To be on the same page, you both have to communicate what you want out of your relationship. You may imagine a long-term relationship with your partner that involves buying a house, getting married, and having kids one day. On the other hand, your partner may feel totally different! They might not see this relationship as long-term and don’t desire to have kids or move in together. These conversations need to be discussed together, or it will cause confusion/disappointment.
3. You Have Grown Apart from Each Other
It is lovely to hear stories about high school or college sweethearts. Finding someone you love while you’re young and growing up together is an amazing experience. Many people can grow together and navigate the tides of life easily. However, other people find it hard to keep the spark alive. They may have met when they were younger and developed/grew into different people. Hopefully, when you are a grown adult, you won’t think the same way you did when you were a teen. People change their ideas, beliefs, ideologies, and perspectives on the world as they grow older, especially in their twenties. This may have caused division between you and your partner. You don’t recognize each other anymore, and the good times seem to be just in the memories you have together.
What Makes a Healthy Relationship
It is essential to build up your communication and trust. As mentioned before, trust and communication are vital in a relationship. To have a healthy relationship, you must work on building these skills. There are a couple of ways to do so, but here are a few tips below:
1. Identify the Ways You Prefer to Communicate
Sometimes, it can be challenging to talk with your significant other because you have different conflict and resolution habits. For example, you may want to isolate yourself when you are upset after an argument, but your partner instead wants to talk right away. Sit down with your partner and discuss your communication preferences and what should happen when you both argue. Maybe you want to establish certain boundaries (i.e., specific topics need to be dealt with more care than others or particular topics are off-limits). Another example is that someone doesn’t like cursing/yelling when trying to communicate.
2. Establish Boundaries in Your Relationship That Are Concrete
People often face difficulties in their relationships because the boundaries are unknown/ignored. What someone considers cheating may not be deemed cheating by someone else. For example, some think that liking other people’s pictures on social media or watching explicit videos/content is cheating. Their partner might not view this the same way.
Talk about boundaries with your partner. Discuss what makes you feel comfortable or is a deal-breaker to you. After establishing these boundaries, if a partner crosses them, that’s a clear issue. This is also helpful for people who have polyamorous or open relationships. A polyamorous or open relationship can vary in many ways. For example, in your open relationships, you may have decided some rules with your partner. You both can be physical with other people but not pursue a romantic connection with anyone else. Figure out and establish what you and your partner are comfortable with.
3. Tell Your Partner What You Need to Feel Safe in a Relationship
If you struggle with trust, let your partner know what would make you feel comfortable and secure in your relationship. Sometimes, just an extra text when going out or an update throughout the day can make a partner feel more secure. It’s all about what works for you and your partner and how you guys can compromise in different situations.
4. Continue Having Fun With Each Other
Another reason people break up or stray away from each other is because their relationship feels stagnant. There was a time when you and your partner always went out to dinner and did exciting things together. Now, you guys don’t leave the house or have any date nights.
This can be common when couples have kids or other significant things in life to focus on daily. With everything going on in your life, it is still essential to tend to your relationship. Engaging in date nights/fun moments keeps the excitement alive in your relationship. You and your partner can still feel excitement by doing new things, taking new classes, trying new restaurants, or even practicing new hobbies with each other. Keep creating memories to prevent yourself from falling into the same, repetitive routine.
5. Explore Each Other’s Love Language
As mentioned before, you and your partner may differ in how you communicate or express yourself. A lot of times, opposite types of people attract. You both compliment and bring out the best in each other. However, this also means that you guys may possess very different ways of showing love and affection. Be sure to figure out your and your partner’s love language. The options can vary from:
- Physical touch
- Quality time
- Gift giving
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
Find ways to show appreciation to your partner through their love language. For example, if your partner has gift-giving as their top love language, pick up flowers when you leave the grocery store or make them a special card. If their love language is physical touch, make sure to hug them when you say goodbye or put your hands on their shoulder when you are supporting them. You can find many different and special ways to show love to your partner that will translate to them as fulfilling.
6. Listen to Your Partner
This article has stressed the importance of communication in a relationship. Just as important as communicating with your partner is, listening to them is just as important. Listening to your partner means being open to what they say, remembering important details of their lives, and letting them know that you validate their emotions and feelings. You may not always agree with your partner, but make sure that they know that their opinion matters and you support their ability to express themselves. You might disagree on doing certain things, but it may lead to a quicker compromise if you identify and try understanding their POV.
Listening to your partner is also handy for the holidays or anniversaries. Listening to what they say lets you get them something that’ll make them feel like you pay attention to details and what they say. It will also be easier for you when stressing over what to get them as a gift.
7. See a Couples Counselor to Learn What Makes a Healthy Relationship
Couples counseling can be a great way to establish a healthy relationship with someone. Having a therapist talk to you about your problems may help you and your partner navigate troubled waters together. A therapist can listen to you both and give you a third-party opinion on the situations that present themselves.
A counselor can also help you identify if the relationship is beyond repair. Many couples can make it through their struggles, learn to communicate better, and love each other more deeply. Unfortunately, other couples may need to realize that their relationship is fading away, and they should separate healthily.