Tag: anxiety

How to Cope with a Bad Day at Work

How to Cope with a Bad Day at Work

Posted on by Victoria

Ever wonder how to reduce work stress? How to deal with burnout at work? or how to get over a bad day at work? If you go to work every day, you know the stress it can bring. Some days you feel motivated and excited to be on the job. On these days, your work gets recognized, you’re laughing with your favorite coworker, you have a tasty lunch, or you get to leave early. However, good days can feel far away sometimes at work. There will be days when work feels draining, and you reluctantly push yourself to get through. How to cope with these problems? This article will improve understanding and discuss tips of healthy coping. 

What Could Cause Stress and a Bad Day at Work?

1. Issues with Coworkers

causes of work stress

Depending on where you work, you may love or hate your coworkers. There are some places where coworkers become your best friend or even begin to feel like your second family. That is, these people make you feel supported, help you with tasks that need assistance, and create an overall welcoming environment. 

It is definitely great to have coworkers like this! Unfortunately, some people do not have this same luxury. Sometimes people have horrible relationships with the people they work with or for. In other words, some coworkers will treat you with hostility and make you feel like you are a bother for asking questions or needing assistance. Other times, there is nothing overtly wrong with the relationship between you and your coworkers, but you all just don’t click. As a result, you may feel like you have no friends at work, lonely, and that your days are full of meaningless small talk and awkwardness. 

2. Troubles with Your Boss

Theoretically speaking, a boss should be the person in the office, ensuring a happy and welcoming atmosphere is maintained. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case; they might be at the head of your toxic work environment. Gallup’s Guide shows that one of the top reasons for an employee to leave the job is poor management and leadership. 

In fact, some bosses can be quite toxic to deal with. They may micromanage you; you constantly feel like you are being watched under a lens by someone waiting to scold you for a mistake you made. Other times, bosses can make you feel like you don’t matter to them or the company. You’ll feel disposable and put up with their constant criticism or disappointment. 

3. Difficult Customers, Clients, or Patients

Sometimes it’s not necessarily the place or people you work with; it could be the people you help or assist that make you feel terrible. Admittedly, some people treat workers horribly. People will be rude to servers, yell at customer service representatives, or just have overall negative attitudes that they spread to everyone they encounter that day. Even if you try your best to help someone, you may still receive rude behavior. Sure enough, this behavior makes you feel awful and ruins your day!

4. Mistakes Were Made

No matter how hard you try, mistakes are still inevitable. As a result, you may have a lousy work day because you learned you made a mistake. Without a doubt, mistakes can be embarrassing, especially if your other coworkers notice them. Your boss may be understanding and give you some helpful guidance, however other times they may get mad at you or call you into their office. Very often, this meeting can ruin your day!

5. All Work and No Play

We dedicate a lot of our lives to work. Obviously there will be times when you might miss your family or friends because work starts consuming your life. Do you remember the last time you had fun or went out? If you are a parent, you may get home late from work and miss eating dinner with your family or putting your kid to bed.  Obviously this lack of time with your loved ones can make your day feel empty and frustrating.

Actually overwork is another major reason why employees quit their jobs. Constant overwork apparently leads to burnout and turnover. It could easily cause both physical and emotional exhaustion. That is, it does not only make a bad day, but a bad job.

Work Stress and Burnout Affects Mental Health

work stress causes mental health issues

When too many bad days at work accumulate, they could easily turn to work stress and burnout. Work can become a huge source of stress in our lives. We can get stressed over many things in a professional setting. Typically these stressors can include:

  • Deadlines and work piling up
  • Career changes or thoughts of switching professions or jobs
  • To-do lists that feel like they will never get done
  • Lack of work-life balance 
  • The stress if being overworked, underpaid, or more

Actually constant stress over work can be a sign you have anxiety. According to MedlinePlus, stress is “a feeling of emotional or physical tension.” The NIMH states that anxiety usually lives within someone and is chronic. Stress usually goes away after the agitating experience or events pass, whereas someone with anxiety feels symptoms constantly. Work can cause a lot of stress in someone’s daily life.

Also, many people, unfortunately, struggle so much that they face burnout. The MayoClinic defines job burnout as work-related stress that exhausts people physically and emotionally. Researchers suggest that people with burnout face intense exhaustion, aversion to their job, and meaninglessness in their work. Without a doubt, job burnout takes the enjoyment someone once had for their career and squashes it in its tracks.

How to Cope with Work Stress and a Bad Day at Work

We spend most of our days during the week at our job and invest so much time into it. Since we dedicate so much of our lives at work, obviously it is disappointing when we have bad experiences. It feels like we put so much effort in only to get negative results and stress. How to get over a bad day then? Below are some tips:

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

It is crucial to allow yourself to feel your emotions. When work stresses you out, you may feel overall down and distressed. Please don’t ignore your emotions; instead, embrace them. Why? Because keeping feelings bottled up can cause adverse effects on your life. When you are sad, having a good cry can help to let out your emotions. 

To produce more cathartic experiences, you can listen to sad songs, watch emotional movies, or try journaling. Journaling can help you explore how you feel and get to the root of where your emotions are stemming from. 

2. Practice Self-Talk

Usually you are more aware of your emotions, rather than what triggered such emotions. For example, you could feel upset and stay frustrated for a long time. Why? Simply because you may have negative self-talk due to work stress. Such negative self-talk could color your thinking in may ways and consequently affect your emotions and behaviors. How to change negative self-talk to a rational one then?

  • Slow down and visualize a STOP sign in front of you. There are different ways to slow yourself down
    • ~ Take deep breaths;
    • ~ Tap your shoulders or laps to calm yourself down;
    • ~ Walk to a different room or outside;
    • ~ Wash your hands for extended time;
  • Ask yourself, “What’s going on?” “What when through my mind?”
  • Once you figured out those negative thoughts, ask yourself, “If this happens to my best friend, what would I say to them?” You probably would not say “I bet your boss hates you”, or “I can never do anything right because I am just stupid”. 
  • Change to rational self-talk. Rational self-talk does not have to be positive, it can be neutral as long as it is not emotional. For instance, “I can never do anything right” may be changed to “I made a mistake this time. but this helps me to learn my lesson to improve next time.”

3. Practice Self-Care

use self-care to cope with burnout

When you have bad days, it is essential to practice self-care. For example, when you weren’t treated kindly, maybe by a rude customer or angry boss, you still need to ensure you are treating yourself kindly. In fact, self-care can fall under many categories; you must do what’s best for you. 

Self-care options can include:

  • Engaging in activities that make you happy, like practicing your hobbies or interests 
  • Doing things that help you relax and recharge 
    • Getting enough sleep, taking a nap, showering, doing skincare
  • Taking care of your body by feeding it with nurturing food or drinking enough water
  • Getting your body moving and active 

  • Taking a social media to cleanse and logging off for the night

As a matter of fact, exercising after work can help you feel more relieved if you work remotely or at an office desk all day. Your body may be stiff, and getting it moving through exercise can help you release some of that tension. 

4. Vent to Friends and Loved Ones 

In tough times, you can benefit from the support of your loved ones around us. After a tough time at work, don’t be afraid to voice your concerns to a loved one. Truth be told, holding in your emotions all to yourself can feel more overwhelming. Instead, allow yourself to open up to others and speak about what you are going through. 

Specifically, ask your friend if they can help you. Talk about your issues with them and be open to any advice they may offer you. When you can vent to more people you trust, it actually can help you to reduce stress significantly. The rationale behind it is called desensitization. By repeating your story, the intensity of your emotions can decrease and you could feel better.

5. Increase Self-Compassion

As mentioned before, making mistakes at work can feel embarrassing or upsetting. You may feel discouraged and unmotivated to keep trying. Don’t let your mistakes define you; we all make mistakes, and that’s okay! We are human after all.

Treat yourself with compassion and forgiveness. Remind yourself that mistakes happen, and they aren’t all bad. Indeed, mistakes help us grow, learn, and become better, wiser people. If we make a mistake at work, it can help us know better for next time. 

6. Create Boundaries and Work-Life Balance 

It can be intimidating to set boundaries at work, but they are essential. We all need a work-life balance. That is, it is not healthy to work all days of the week and never have time to relax, have fun, and see our loved ones. You can start with little steps each day. This can include:

  • Logging off from your computer or work platform at a set time each day
  • Decreasing your screen time
  • Not checking emails after a certain time or on the weekend
  • Saying “no” more often and not people-pleasing as much

7. Block out Environmental Stressors

As mentioned before, coworkers and supervisors could very well be the reason why you have a bad day at work. Maybe they are having a bad day themselves and spread the mood to you, or maybe their gossips, interactions, and relationships make the work environment more like a dysfunctional family. Whatever it is, you can choose to block out such environmental stressors. Specifically, you can

  • close your office door if possible;
  • go outside to get some fresh air;
  • take a break and leave your desk  if you need to; 
  • plug in your headphones, or
  • get “busy” with phone calls, projects, or anything that can help you to manage those stressors.

8. End the Day with a Clean Slate After a Bad Day at Work

As we all know, it is hard not to bring work stress back home and allow your mood to affect your family life. Since the pandemic started, more people work from home. As convenient as it is, this may easily blur the boundary between work and life. In other words, work may continue to affect at the end of the day because your office and living room or even bedroom are literally in the same place. How to end the day with a clean slate then? Here are a few tips:

  • Write down a list of tasks that you need to accomplish at work tomorrow. Leave it on your desk and wait till tomorrow to handle;
  • Make a conscious decision to leave work brain at work and not to bring work related issues back home;
  • Wash your hands before leaving work. Remind yourself to wash away everything frustrating at work down the sink and go home with a clean mind to your family;
  • Change your clothes after work. Tell yourself this changes to your family life;
  • Remind yourself that you work to live, not live to work.

9. Consider Therapy for Work Stress or Burnout

use therapy to cope with burnout and work stress

Therapy can help you with any work struggle/general life struggle you are facing! A therapist can give you the tools to handle work stress better, implement mindfulness techniques, and eliminate negative thoughts from your bad days.

If you notice that you feel more stress and it is lingering, you may have anxiety. If you find yourself experiencing endless stress every day, this is not healthy. Talking to a mental health professional can help how to cope with work stress. You will find ways to cope and deal with stressors in your life while still taking care of yourself and living a healthier life. 

We offer support for all of the services mentioned above. You don’t have to face your worries alone – learn how to cope with work stress now! Call to set up a consultation today! 

Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao

How to Deal with Pandemic Stress During Omicron

How to Deal with Pandemic Stress During Omicron

Posted on by Victoria

We are in the second year of this pandemic. Can you believe that it has been two years since COVID took over our lives and the world? This may be a difficult time for you and you may be experiencing pandemic stress – please know that you are not alone. Recent studies show that 47% of people reported feeling stressed amongst other difficult emotions.

We are living through a worldwide pandemic – who would have ever thought this would have happened? Sometimes, it feels like we are living in a chapter of a history textbook. The positive side of that perspective is that, just like we have read in history textbooks, different generations of people survived challenging times and eventually moved ahead to a new chapter. The world’s future is unknown for now; we need to take things day by day. This, however, doesn’t invalidate any of the stress you may be feeling. This article can help you deal with this stress and hopefully make you feel a little bit safer in these challenging times.

What the Pandemic Has Done to the World:

Unfortunately, it may be hard to remember a time before COVID. It has affected so many parts of our day and has changed how we live our lives. It can be jarring when you look back at old pictures and see how you used to live. There may be many times when you look back on a photo and think to yourself, “I can’t believe I wasn’t wearing a mask!” We are now very accustomed to wearing masks and keeping our distance from people. 

Let’s Explore Some of the Other Ways the Pandemic Has Affected This World: 

Distanced Us from Other People and Increased Isolation 

pandemic stress

The phrase “six feet apart” has infiltrated our lives. You may see this phrase on signs, placemats on the floor, or instructions. The distance you may feel is not only shown in this measurement; it is also evident in our lives in many different ways. The pandemic might have distanced you from the people you love. 

You may not see your friends or family often in fear of getting sick. You may be fearful that you will expose your older relatives and, for example, haven’t seen your grandma in over a year. COVID has promoted significant isolation in people. People report feeling lonely and scared during these times. Especially with remote work and school, it is hard to meet people nowadays. Kids who go to school online may feel isolated from their friends and find it hard to make connections. 

If you work remotely, you may have never even met your co-workers! It is all very isolating and makes it hard for us as social beings to navigate this world.

Created a Division in Our Society

This world feels divided in so many ways already, and the pandemic has only made it worse. You may know people who have strong beliefs on how to handle the pandemic – you either disagree or agree with them. People’s differing beliefs and actions during this pandemic have caused strife amongst us. You may have a friend that doesn’t believe in wearing a mask or getting vaccinated, and you may think the complete opposite. These vast differences cause people to argue, lose touch, and could even ruin their relationship altogether. In a study from 2021, 88% of Americans reported feeling like their nation was divided, even more than before the pandemic.

Made us Fear Doing Mundane Tasks 

It’s crazy to think that we could go to the store or go to the movies without even a second thought a few years ago. Now to do such mundane tasks, there is a lingering thought of, “Will I get sick when I go out?”

People are fearful when doing things that would have seemed so simple before 2020. Some people have become afraid of leaving their house because even the slightest task may make them fearful of getting sick. Agoraphobia might occur in people with this constant stress. These people fear that something terrible will happen to them when they are not in the comfort and security of their own homes.

Prevented Us From Living Our Lives

People who enjoy concerts, festivals, or packed events might feel like they cannot safely do that anymore. If you consider yourself adventurous, you might struggle a lot during this pandemic. Concerts have been delayed or canceled, traveling seems impossible, and you may fear going to crowded spaces because of COVID. Many people, especially teens or people in their early twenties, fear that they are wasting their “golden years.” It can be hard to feel like you aren’t missing out on important milestones when this pandemic is taking over.

Cause Immeasurable Loss in Our Lives 

The pandemic may have created loss in your life in many ways. People have become unemployed from the pandemic and have been laid off. So many places like hospitals and schools are understaffed. This causes people who work at these understaffed places to take on an increased workload and face immense stress. This stress can cause burnout and people to question if they can even do their job anymore. It feels like they have to choose between making a living or ensuring their wellbeing.

The pandemic may have also taken loved ones from you. COVID may have affected your loved ones and caused them to pass away. This loss may be challenging for you to deal with and makes you extremely upset during these times. Even if COVID has not taken a close loved one from you, it has likely affected so many people you know. 

Ways to Deal with Pandemic Stress 

First, Check-in With Yourself Daily

It can be hard to navigate immense pandemic stress and challenging times. Make sure that you check in with yourself and see how you feel each day. Some days, you may feel more hopeful and happy in life, and there may be other times when you feel discouraged and sad. 

Know that your emotions are valid, and you should embrace them instead of ignoring them. Try journaling about how you feel and making a note of which days are harder than others. When you have a bad day, you can look back on the days that you were happy and find hope that you will feel this way again. 

Second, Do Things That Make You Happy

self care

If you check in with yourself and feel upset, try to do something that’ll make you happy. Think about what you enjoy doing. You may enjoy watching a particular show or movie. There may be an album that always brings a smile to your face or gives you a sense of calmness. A hobby can be a great way to release your thoughts and immerse yourself in a creative project.

Another way you can make yourself happy and avoid pandemic stress is by reaching out to people. Social support and finding someone that you can rely on is a healthy way to deal with stress during the pain.

Third, Lean on social support

As mentioned in the prior section, social support is critical during this time. In an age where people feel very isolated and alone, it is essential to rely on people you can trust. You may be fearful of seeing others and feel more comfortable at home, but this does not have to prevent you from socializing. Try implementing Zoom or FaceTime calls with people. You can text your friends and send each other fun videos or pictures.

There are also apps where you can meet people and make new connections. Another way to do so is by joining a new club or class. If you don’t want to go in person, many organizations meet online and do virtual meetings.

Fourth, Turn to Mindfulness in Times of Stress

Mindfulness helps people find peace when experiencing pandemic stress or anxiety. You can practice mindfulness by:

  • Doing a guided meditation video 
  • Practicing yoga or stretching 
  • Completing a breathing exercise
  • Taking part in a guided imagery exercise

Mindfulness can also be practiced through accepting your situation. Living through COVID is not ideal and can be very difficult. However, learning to accept these times and this period of your life can help you find peace. Once you feel calmer, you can focus on ways to improve your situation.

Fifth, Encourage Yourself to Get Through Pandemic Stress

Remember: You have survived 100% of your worst days! Remember this when you feel down. Even in the worst moments of your life, you have been able to push through and be where you are today. You have resilience and strength living in you! Try to remind yourself that these times will pass, and you will feel hope and optimism once more. 

Ways to Encourage Yourself:

  •  Recite positive affirmations; positive affirmations can help you feel good about yourself and life. These affirmations are ways to attract things you want in your life and promote positivity inside of you. 
    • You can say: I am…calm, safe, happy with the connections I have in my life, going towards the right direction, facing my fears, etc.
  • Get inspired by people from the past: you can encourage yourself by thinking about the past generations. There have been many periods in history that were hard for people to deal with, for example, the Great Depression. You may have grandparents or great-grandparents that lived through this time. This was a time when people were very sad and absent of hope. Seeing people get through these challenging times can motivate you to do the same. 
    • If you are fortunate enough to have some of these relatives alive still, go to them for advice or guidance
    • Remember that we are resilient, and humans can adapt to way more than you think. Rely on strength from your ancestors, and remember that they are rooting you on!

Sixty, Don’t Do Things that Make You Uncomfortable

There have been many ups and downs during this pandemic. When there is a surge in cases, you may feel even more stress than usual. This can cause you to avoid going out to crowded places or doing certain activities. Check-in with yourself, as mentioned before, and see how you are feeling. If you feel like you don’t feel safe and a specific plan would cause you anxiety, don’t feel obligated to do it. If someone is peer pressuring you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, that is not okay! Listen to your intuition and honor your comfort level. Your boundaries matter, and you deserve to feel safe! If you decide to go out, try to be safe by wearing your mask and keeping your distance. 

Seventh, Consider Going to Therapy for Pandemic Stress

Unfortunately, many people are experiencing depression and pandemic stress during these years. You do not deserve to struggle alone! A therapist can help you get through these times, provide support, and guide you in finding hope once again. Our team of therapists would love to help you! Our team will help you with depression, anxiety, self-esteem, and any other problems you may be facing. 

Chinese international students support group留学生心理健康互助小组

Chinese international students support group留学生心理健康互助小组

Posted on by junecao

Chinese International Students Support Group中国留学生互助小组

  • Are you a Chinese international student?
  • Attempting to adjust to the U.S. culture, school life, identity, and anxiety with speaking English?
  • Facing challenges with student life and relationships?
  • Feeling lonely, homesick, difficult separating from family and friends in China?
  • Stressed about academic performance?
  • Overwhelmed because of perfectionism, procrastination, and social anxiety?
  • Concerned about anti-Asian hate, microaggression, sexism, racism, or discrimination?
  • Guilty about taking a break to relax because you “should have” been studying?
  • Worried about speaking in public, going on job interviews, or asking someone for a date?
  • Uneasy about F1 student visa, CPT, OPT, H1B, lottery, and green card?
  • Other mental health and self-care issues?
If your answer is “YES” to any or all of the above questions, then you are a very good fit for our International Students Support Group! 
 

How can the International Students Support Group Help me? 留学生互助小组可以帮我什么？

Chinese International Students Support Group is a place where

  • it is safe and comfortable for you to share, bond, support, and help each other;
  • you can learn practical tools to deal with different challenges during your time in the U.S. 
  • everyone can participate in group activities to practice social skills, be in a team, form group dynamics, and help each other to succeed;
  • you will reach your goals for exploration, understanding, insight, self-discovery, growth, compassion, and change you hope to happen;
It is proved that Chinese international students who have participated in our Support Group have felt
  • more confident,
  • less lonely,
  • fit in the group,
  • more connected with others,
  • better able to use practical tools to manage stress,
  • more mindful and relaxed in everyday life, and
  • empowered to deal with the challenges of every day life as an international student. 

What is Discussed in the Chinese International Support Group留学生互助小组讨论的内容

  • Adjustment to the new country;
  • Stress management; 
  • Homesickness and ways to better cope with it;  
  • Anxiety, negative thinking, and tools to reduce it;
  • Mindfulness and meditation;
  • Emotion regulation skills for wise mind;
  • Body image, eating, and self-care;
  • Dealing with anti-Asian hate, sexism, racism, discrimination, and microaggression;
  • Better preparation for exams, presentations, and interviews;
  • Procrastination and skills for time management;
  • Tools to manage perfectionism;
  • Balance between student life, personal and social life;
  • Managing stress with visa and green card;
  • Friendships and boundary setting;
  • Relationships, breakups, and dating; and
  • Sex, sexual identities, and empowerment.

Group Facilitators小组主持人

Our group facilitators are mental health counselors with a master’s degree. The supervisor is Dr. June, our head psychologist. Our facilitators are warm, understanding, compassionate, professional, and knowledgeable. We implement evidence-based therapy approaches such as CBT, DBT, ACT, and Mindfulness to better assist you to achieve your inner-peace, compassion and growth.
 

Registration for Chinese International Students Support Group如何参加留学生支持小组

FEE: we will file claims for you based on your insurance
STARTING: September 14, 2021
DAY: Weekly meetings
TIME: Every Thursday

PLACE: Online via Zoom 

Individual Psychotherapy Services为留学生提供中文心理咨询

If you are looking for starting therapy or counseling on an 1:1 basis, visit our website for more information on how therapy works, our therapists‘ profiles, or contact us directly. 
How To Deal With Sunday Scaries, The Anxiety Of Another Work Week

How To Deal With Sunday Scaries, The Anxiety Of Another Work Week

Posted on by junecao
Sunday Scaries - anxiety of the work week

What is Sunday Scaries

Sunday Scaries, also called Sunday blues, Sunday depression, Sunday anxiety, or Sunday night syndrome. It is the dread that shows up at some point on Sunday when you realize another workweek will start in hours. You could feel nervous, restless, uneasy, irritable, or even have physical symptoms of stomach issues, headache, heart pounding, and insomnia. This anticipatory anxiety may build up to make you feel miserable for the rest of the weekend. Per recent Monster polling, about 67% experience the Sunday Scaries each week.

From the psychological perspective, Sunday Scaries is the type of anxiety or stress that people react or respond to the threat they perceive. The perceived threat could be the fear of performance at work during the workweek, supervisors’ evaluation, challenges of juggling all tasks with work and life, such as doctors’ appointments, childcare while at work, all the bills, clients’ comments, relationship with a coworker, or decision to return to office. In this process, we face all uncertainties that are anxiety provoking and easily lead to “what-ifs”, such as “what if my supervisor thinks I am an idiot”, “what if I lose my job”, “how can I handle if we don’t have medical insurance any more?”

Obviously, when we focus on uncertainties, we tend to underestimate our capabilities to cope with all the stress. Hence, the overwhelming pressure and helplessness could further exacerbate the fear and anxiety. That is to say, Sunday Scaries makes us feel uncomfortable, but we can manage it well by changing our thinking and behaviors.

The Pandemic Worsens Sunday Scaries

The pandemic has worsened the Sunday Scaries. With a record number of people working from home, our work and life has blended together. Despite more flexibility we may have, work could easily take our personal space. Prior to the pandemic, what we used to do on a weekday are happy hours, lunch out, or other socialization. Now our weekday routine is about work, Zoom meetings, child care, and mere human interaction. Weekends feel almost like boring rituals of another day, no outing, no gathering, and not much enjoyment. That is, the workdays actually become longer. 

Besides, many remote workers have admitted that they work on weekends, too. Let’s face it, the re-opening and returning to office process has brought some level of stress and anxiety to employees as well. Research has also suggested increased substance use during the pandemic, or more people probably need extra time to get over their hangover on Sunday.

 

How to Cope with Sunday Scaries

1. Clear your Mind

Sunday ScariesAs mentioned before, if Sunday Scaries stems from perceived threat, then you can learn to manage this anxiety better by changing such perceptions. This involves taking steps to actively clear your mind first. This requires you to ask yourself some questions, such as, 

  • What is your Sunday Scaries all about? 
  • The core of your fears? 
  • What do you worry about the most? 
  • The worst case scenario? 
  • What are your solutions when worst comes worst?

It is also essential to try to accept that things can go wrong and there is no certainty in life. However, if you were able to manage it in the past, you can cope now too. Clearing your mind could also mean focusing on your capabilities of handling work and life. It is a great idea to remind yourself of your leverage, experiences, skills, and achievements. Focusing on your strengths can help your transition from weekend to weekday a little easier.

2. Set the Relaxing Tone for the Weekend

Make conscious decision that your weekend is to relax, your goal is to be compassionate with yourself and take good care of yourself. Self-care is not just a buzzword, it is a decision to prioritize yourself and have your needs met. Everything else can wait, that is, work can wait, you don’t have to check emails or answer work phone calls. You may find something helps you to relax more than others. It can be a bubble bath, a nice meal, a book, music, arts, gardening, swimming, a walk, or any exercise.

3. Set aside a “Worry Time”

Those negative anxious thoughts on Sunday are likely to come up automatically. Therefore, creating a “worry time” of 15 minutes could help you to handle those worries directly. For example, if your “worry time” is 7:30pm, spend this entire time thinking only about your worries and negative thoughts. Write them down in your journal. At the end of 15 minutes, let go of those worries with some Calming Breaths, then return to other activities. 

If you start to worry before your “worry time”, tell yourself you will wait till your regular time to focus on all the worries. This way, you dwell on your worst fears and you go over them repeatedly. Chances are, when you review the same material in detail again and again, eventually this kind of exposure reduces the meaning attached to your worries. 

4. Create a To-Do-List

If you have too much on your plate and that triggers your Sunday Scaries, it is a good idea to take some time on Friday night to plan your weekend and the coming week. Write down what you hope to accomplish over the weekend and your priorities for next week. This way, you are being proactive about the week to come. The benefits of planning, making to-do-lists, and thinking about the future will reduce your stress.  

5. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is about the process of focusing non-judgmental awareness thoughts, feelings, and sensations. When the fears and anxiety attack you on Sunday afternoon, practicing mindfulness helps you to shift attention from worries to the present moment. You can also practice mindfulness at any time. When you walk outside, cook, eat, clean, take a shower, take a test, or work out. 

Simply put, mindfulness is like “meditation on-the-go.” When you remain mindful, you live from moment to moment, instead of ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. Even if you have uncomfortable thoughts, you do not have to react upon them. By accepting their existence and letting them pass, you can develop a new response to fear and anxiety. With practice, mindfulness meditation can help you to create inner peace and less anxiety.

6. Seek Support

You don’t have to deal with the Sunday Scaries alone. Check in with family, friends, and loved ones. Vent to them, laugh with them, cry on their shoulders, or simply sit there together and do nothing. Find a support group for people with similar experiences. Maybe you can make friends and help support one another. The sense of community can empower you to cope with your Sunday Scaries better.

7. Get Therapy

Therapy could help you to get to the core of your underlying issues. On the surface level, Sunday Scaries is some uneasiness, a good therapist can help you to dig out why it happened, what the deeper issues are, how to change it. Seeking professional help is always a great way to better your mind, deal with your emotions better, respond to stressors in a calmer way, and let go of the baggage in order to heal. Besides, therapy helps you to change your thoughts and use healthier ways of thinking. 

Dr. June and her team are therapists to help you to manage your anxiety about work, life, relationship, and health. Give us a call free for 15 minutes and we will help you to practice skills to deal with your Sunday Scaries.

The Best Ways To Overcome Procrastination

The Best Ways To Overcome Procrastination

Posted on by junecao

Do you find yourself putting off day-to-day tasks? How often do you avoid doing the work that’s on your to-do list? Do you find yourself rushing before a deadline when you had days, or even weeks, to complete a task? You may be procrastinating and you are not alone. Procrastination is the thief of time and it steals from so many people. Simply look at the long line in any post office on the tax day, . 

Signs of Procrastination

What does procrastination mean? How do yo know you have procrastination? Below are typical signs:

  • Filling your day with low-priority tasks
  • Delaying important tasks on your to-do list
  • Beginning a task right before the due-date, when you had a lot of time in advance
  • Starting a task and immediately taking a break
  • Prioritizing tasks that seem “fun” instead of ones with high importance or close due dates
  • Waiting for the right mood to begin your to-do list
  • Shuffling your to-do list based on what you’ve accomplished by the end of the day

What is Procrastination?

Procrastination is the active process of choosing to delay tasks, especially while knowing that you will suffer as a result. Procrastination seems like a common thing people deal with every day, but it’s something that can interfere heavily with having a highly functional life. Putting off your tasks can result in having a heavy plate of duties and responsibilities piled up, and that can cause anybody a lot of anxiety, and even depressive thoughts. 

The core of procrastination

One of the main habits for people who procrastinate is having a long to-do list, checking off one or two items by the end of the day, and then shuffling it around as to move incomplete things to another day. In response to this, some people may say that it does not matter when the task gets done, as long as it gets done. But psychological researchers find a big issue with this, that is, they believe that if you shuffle tasks around based on what you did accomplish, it can cause real lack of progress. This is at the core of procrastination.

What does research say about procrastination?

In a study, researchers rated college students on procrastination and tracked their academic performance and general health. They found that initially, the students who procrastinated had lower levels of stress, since they swapped or put off tasks and assignments for more amusing activities. But in the end, they found that those same students performed worse academically, and reported higher levels of stress and illness. 

In the moment, procrastination may seem like the best answer to our solutions and a way for us to delay tasks that we don’t want to do in the moment. In the long term, doing this can result in even higher levels of stress than initially doing the tasks would have caused.

What Causes Procrastination?

The causes of procrastination could be related to many factors.

  • Perfectionism. 
  • Lack of motivation
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of criticism or negative feedback
  • Self-defeat tendency
  • Abstract or poorly defined goals
  • Rewards but in the far future
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • ADHD
  • Low self-esteem
  • Task aversion

To better manage procrastination, you need to learn why you procrastinate and how it affects you. Understanding the psychology of procrastination helps you to improve awareness of deeper issues rather than simply say improve your self-control. Many psychologists have found that procrastination has less to do with time management. Rather, it is about delaying a task while knowing the consequences of doing so. It can definitely help to use time in your schedule wisely to accomplish your tasks or assignments; however, a large focus should also be on managing emotions. This way, you can ensure that you are doing the things that work best for you. 

How to Overcome Procrastination?

Everyone has their own list of things that motivates them and allows them to be productive. therefore, you should make sure that what you’re doing works best for you specifically, even though they may not work for someone else. For one person, listening to music while trying to write an essay can be extremely helpful and allows them to focus. For others, complete silence may be the best way to tune into a single task. Try to experiment with new things every now and then to see what works best, and don’t get discouraged if one doesn’t work!procrastination

These are tips you can try for if you want to stop procrastination:

Making prioritized to-do lists.

Actually the to-do list is a to-do today list. It is preferable to make sure the most important tasks are done first. 

Creating an organized and effective personalized schedule

Create a schedule for what works best for you. In other words, have a spreadsheet of daily activity schedule,.The schedule should focus on specific tasks on each day. Better yet, highlight those you have accomplished for reward later.

Start with a small step.

When you start with a small step, it is easier for yourself to get over the initial hurdle of actually getting started. It is more likely to feel accomplished and more motivated to continue the rest of the task.

Don’t be afraid of imperfection 

Many people avoid or delay tasks when they either doubt their abilities or want to achieve perfection. It is important to understand that perfection actually does not exist in this world. To stop perfectionism, one way is to face the worst case scenario and figure out your solution; another is to adjust your standards to be more realistic; still other ways include self-talk strategies to 

Try to improve decision-making skills

You will likely put off a task if you cannot decide what to do, in fear of making the wrong decision. 

Commit to a task

When you leave too much time for a task, it is very likely that you will be distracted and procrastinate; By the same token, leaving too little time has similar effects, that is, too much stress to complete a task could lead to procrastination as well. Therefore, leave the right amount of time for a task. This way, when you start, you can finish it in a timely manner.

Split large tasks into smaller ones.

Large and difficult tasks could cause avoidance because it literarily suggests you should get it all done in one shot. Apparently that  is impossible, and hence stressful. When you can break the bigger tasks up, it helps to decrease that aversion. More specifically, each task should take no more than 60 minutes to complete.

Set up a reward.

Positive reinforcement helps with motivation. Once you finish a task, you can have your favorite ice cream or go out with friends.

Give yourself immediate consequences of procrastination.

Late consequences do not usually motivate people enough; however, it could be very different when you set immediate consequences. It becomes the earlier deadline and for example, the consequences could be your partner keep all your money to themselves if you do not finish your paper on that day.  

Have a procrastination buddy

You and a friend can support and check-up on each other to make sure you’re being productive! When you hold each other accountable, chances are you do not want to procrastinate and look bad in front of your friend.

How Can Therapy Help to Manage Procrastination?

Finding ways to stop procrastination can be an exhausting and challenging process, especially when you do it alone. Having a therapist can help you leave time in your week to talk about your personal challenges, such as doing your tasks. Better yet, you can even dedicate time to figure out a plan that works best for you. 

Taking care of your mental health can also be a big factor in the way you deal with prioritizing responsibilities. In particular, talking to a therapist can help you to figure out not only what works best for you but what allows you to be the most productive. In addition, therapy can help you to improve thinking patterns, adjust your mindset, and release emotions. More importantly, therapy can assist you to change procrastination and the way you prioritize the tasks in your schedule. 

If you are a student, finding counseling or wellness services in your school or on campus can also be beneficial for providing support. Besides, they can point you to other important resources. For others, there are different groups, support, buddy programs, and counseling services that can assist you to achieve your goal of reducing procrastination.

We Are Here to Help

If you find yourself procrastinating, plus, it has been interfering with your productivity and mental health, we are always here to help. Our procrastination specialists in New York provide therapy and counseling to ensure that you have the support you need. Our psychotherapists can offer psychological services in different languages, such as Chinese Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, and English. At the same time, we have a wealth of experience to deal with various challenges.  

For international students, we adopt the most favorable policy to help you declare insurance and alleviate your worries. Give us a call, the first 15 minutes are free or make an appointment for online counseling . Please let us help you through the difficulties together and welcome a more promising tomorrow.

Special thanks to the contribution of our intern Tammy Krikheli

Mindfulness Meditation For Anxiety And Depression 用正念冥想减轻焦虑和抑郁

Mindfulness Meditation For Anxiety And Depression 用正念冥想减轻焦虑和抑郁

Posted on by junecao

这个视频是一个中文的放松练习，正念冥想(mindfulness meditation)。做一做试试看会不会帮你放松自己。

在日常生活中，我们可能会因为工作劳累而喘不过气； 人际交往中有时紧张的总想退缩；脑子里总是有各种各样的想法冒出来，让人睡不好觉却赶都赶不走；还有时候陷入一种负面情绪里面，感觉怎么也走不出来。你不是一个人，我们很多人或多或少都会这样。

什么是正念冥想(What is Mindfulness Meditation)

正念(Mindfulness)，是一种注意力高度集中的状态。比如说，当我们在读书、学习或者做一件很感兴趣的事情时，我们会非常专注而忘记了时间的流逝，甚至不会意识到周围环境里都发生了什么。

如果我们处在正念的状态中，精神上和身体上是非常平和、放松的。因此，正念的积极作用让其被广泛应用在心理咨询领域。经过研究显示，正念活动对缓解焦虑和抑郁有非常有效的作用。

正念相关的活动有哪些？(Types of Mindfulness)

正念活动的种类有很多。除了我们今天将要讲到的正念冥想，其他还有：

这些都是舒缓压力和放松自我的好方法。你可能会觉得，这些正念活动在我们东方文化当中是很常见的，它是如何在西方科学里成为心理治疗的常用方法呢？

其实，正念一词源自于佛教文化，而且心理学同佛教文化两者的理论、概念中有许多不谋而合的地方：两者都注重减少人的痛苦，提升人的幸福感。两者都强调成长的重要性。两者都认为人应对万物有怜悯心并保持积极的态度.

正念冥想是什么？(What is Mindfulness Meditation)

正念冥想是众多正念活动当中最具有代表性的一种。常见的形式有：呼吸练习，引导想象，以及其他可以放松大脑和身体并减小压力的练习。正念冥想是正念活动当中被广泛应用且被科研证实有效的心理治疗方法。

冥想追求的是把注意力集中在当下，暂时摒弃大脑中对任何事物的评判和解释。意识到当下这一刻所发生的事，并用开放的心态去接纳它。而不是加以评判，抱怨，或者改变。

正念冥想的作用(How does Mindfulness Help?)

科学研究证明，正念能帮助我们改善心理、情绪、身体、脑认知、注意力和精神的整体健康水平，帮助我们回归自我，看清自我，化解自己生命的负能量。正念冥想对于许多心理问题都有很好的治疗效果。这包括：

  • 焦虑(anxiety)
  • 紧张(fear)
  • 抑郁(depression)
  • 失眠(insomnia)
  • 压力过大(stress)
  • 情绪失控(emotion regulation)
  • 过度紧张引起的高血压、糖尿病(hyertension & diabetes)

除此之外，正念冥想还有其他作用，例如：提升专注度，降低工作压力，提升情绪管理水平、自我觉察、睡眠质量，以及帮助控制糖尿病等。

初学者如何开始练习正念冥想 (How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation as a Beginner?)

1. 在准备做冥想的时候，无论坐在地上，沙发上或者是床上，找到一个让自己舒服和放松的姿势是非常重要的。

2. 其次，一定要给自己几分钟的时间。冥想练习的时长因人而异。但对于初学者，我们建议您安静的享受冥想5到10分钟即可。这样的时长足以起到放松大脑的作用。

3. 冥想练习中，将注意力放在自己的呼吸上是快速放松的重要方法。我们可以试着关注自己呼气和吸气的动作，自己呼吸时身体的起伏，以及鼻间流动的气息等。

mindfulness meditation

初学者练习冥想可能遇到的问题 (Overcome Difficulties in Practicing Mindfulness)

1. 初学者在做冥想的时候可能会不习惯这种放松形式。如果在练习过程中无法集中注意力，无法正确的调整呼吸都是可以理解的。

2. 其他的问题比如练习让自己变得更加紧张，大脑无法停止思考，大脑始终有很多想法也是可能遇到的情况。这时，对自己耐心一点。无法闭上眼睛放松，我们可以选择睁开眼睛，自然的注视一个方向。

3. 大脑如果无法停止思考也没有关系。正念冥想的目的并不是让大脑停止思考，我们的思维也不会因为冥想练习而瞬间停止工作。

练习冥想的真正目的是帮助我们意识到是什么想法在困扰我们。进而让我们逐渐的整理大脑中的思维，让他们从混乱变得有序而清晰。

当你面对抑郁、焦虑、压力过大、负面情绪时，请联系我们，我们的心理治疗师可以引导你练习冥想，减轻压力，放松自我，重新找回轻松的自我。

Special thanks to the contribution of psychotherapist  Xiaojing Wei, LMSW.

Being Called A Control Freak? How To Deal With Control Issue?

Being Called A Control Freak? How To Deal With Control Issue?

Posted on by junecao

During this pandemic, the time of uncertainty, stress is accumulating so quickly that sometimes you get anxiety or even panic. To cope with the current stressors, it is important to reflect on how and what you pay attention to every day. If anything is certain in life, it is the fact that things will happen beyond your control; however, some people may be often labelled as “control freak”, those who focus on and try to change things that they cannot control. Consequently, some may ask the questions such as “Do I have control issues?” “How to deal with a control freak?” or ” How to stop being a control freak?” 

Different Types of Control Issues

You may attempt to control yourself, others, and environment. Typically when you try to exert excessive power over yourself and the environment, different mental health issues could develop, for example, eating disorders,  obsessive thinking and compulsive behaviors in cleaning and exercising, and self-harm behaviors.

When you attempt to control others in a relationship, at home, or at work, it could manifest in signs of gaslighting, stalking, micromanagement, bullying or abusive behaviors, manipulation, chronic lying, and overprotective or helicopter parents.

In fact, individuals with control issues could be associated with stress, anxiety in various forms such as OCD, depression, addiction, and other mental health struggles.

It can be instinctual to focus your thoughts and attention on things that you cannot control. But it is not always helpful and it does not change the outcome. Instead, you can consider making  minor changes to get you out of this endless cycle.

Differentiate Between What You Can Control and What You Cannot.

List on paper what you can and what you cannot control, remind yourself often when you need a reality check to reduce frustration and anxiety. Here are some examples of “can” and “cannot” control:

  • You can control your input, but you cannot control the outcome of our efforts; 
  • You can control how to manage your time, but you cannot control the passage of time;
  • You can control how you look at yourself, but you cannot control what other people think of us;
  • You can control what you try to do, but you cannot control what other people do;
  • You can control your perceptions of what happens, but you cannot control what happens around us.

Identify Sources of Control Issues

In order to address control issues, it is important to identify the nature and sources of the need to control. It may be commonly related to need for self-protection, unresolved childhood issues, underlying anxiety, fear of abandonment, trauma, emotional sensitivity, low self-esteem, and perfectionism. Recognizing such sources could help you to improve awareness of the issue and focus on more acceptance of self, others, and the world.

Shift Attention to What You Can Control

By shifting your attention to the aspects that you can control, it means to change your attitudes, thoughts, or perspectives. For example, you can use mindfulness to manage your anxious thoughts and feelings, learn CBT techniques such as thought records to stop and reframe negative thoughts, practice ACT to make peace with some obsessive thoughts. Therefore, all of these techniques can become what you learn to change your perspectives and improve your mental health.

Let Go of Your Control 

Letting go of controlling behaviors requires acceptance, that is, allowing yourself to accept the negative feelings without judgment, making helpful adjustments to the present moment, and regain that sense of peace and calmness. By developing this practice, you learn to let go and refocus our energy on things you can change.

Truth be told, it is absolutely okay that you can’t control every aspect of your life. As a matter of fact, who can really predict the future? such as the exact circumstances, outcomes,  what situations would make you eventually happy? Besides, when you fixate on trying to create a certain outcome, it is very likely that you get narrow-minded and totally closed off to other opportunities.  

Beauty of Letting Go

Actually the beauty in letting go your control lies in more creative ideas and innovative solutions. During a flash of creative insight, your brain switches into a distinctive mode in which you allow your subconscious mind to go to work. In other words, this subconscious mind can help you to process vast amounts of information more efficiently. Hence, the Aha moments could be more likely to come.

There is suffering, and then there is thriving. Life is full of struggles and hardships, but by letting go, it could let us live a more meaningful life.  May we find the strength to re-experience the world.

Contact us to start your healing journey to let go your control. Our therapists in New York will assist you to get the insight and practice skills to manage your anxiety and still find your power to live a meaningful life.

COVID-19 Virtue Support Group

COVID-19 Virtue Support Group

Posted on by junecao

Many months have passed since we started social distancing, yet the feelings of uncertainty, hardship, and grief continue. Feeling stressed, lonely, isolated, and/or frustrated? It is hard not to when you cannot socialize with your family and friends, when you lost your loved ones from COVID and sadness often wakes you up at night, when you have to face issues of work, family, relationships, and mental health.

We are here for you. Our COVID-19 Virtue Support Group is a source to help you to thrive in this particular tough time! We are here to listen, to support, encourage, and provide guidance. Our group is a safe and confidential place for you to find people with common experiences and concerns, to help each other to form a community, and to have a better understanding with knowledge and skills.

Our virtue group takes advantage of online services via Zoom, makes it convenient for you to be in a comfortable place such as your home, office, car, or a private place wherever you are. Zoom is a free app that is HIPAA compliant and promises your confidentiality. You can use your computer, laptop, tablet, or your phone to connect with our group.

Starting August 15th, the group will meet every Saturday from 3:30pm-4:30pm. Our therapists Baiqian Zhang and Sally Chen will co-facilitate the group. If you are interested, please fill out our Google form. If you have any questions, feel free to contact our group facilitator Baiqian at bz1044@nyu.edu

Body Dysmorphic Disorder Signs, Causes, And Treatment

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body dysmorphic disorder

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is preoccupation with the belief that your body or appearance are unattractive, ugly, abnormal or deformed. You feel embarrassed, ashamed, anxious, and depressed about your “flaws”.  You may seek multiple plastic surgeries but still feel dissatisfied to the point that you may even try to hide your appearance or avoid social interactions. Sounds familiar? About 1 in every 50 people may suffer from BDD. Some celebrities may suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. The questions is, do I have body dysmorphic disorder?

Signs of Body Dysmorphic Disorder

  • Excessively concerned or distressed by appearance flaws that others such as friends, family, or doctors tell you are minor or nonexistent;
  • Strongly believe that you have a defect in your appearance that makes you ugly or deformed;
  • Appearance concerns interfere with your work, study, social life, or daily functioning;
  • Believe that others take special notice of your appearance in a negative way or mock you;
  • Have had multiple plastic surgeries or procedures but still feel unsatisfied with your appearance;
  • Believe that having cosmetic procedures will transform your life or fix all of your problems;
  • Avoid social situations。

The most common features and areas people tend to fixate about include:

  • Face, such as nose, eyes, lips, wrinkles, freckles, acne and other blemishes
  • Hair, such as appearance, thinning and baldness
  • Breast size
  • Buttock size
  • Skin and vein appearance
  • Muscle size and tone, or muscle dysmorphia
  • Genitalia

Causes of Body Dysmorphic Disorder

It’s unknown what causes body dysmorphic disorder. Like many other mental health conditions, body dysmorphic disorder may result from a combination of issues. Recent research has suggested that these factors could include

Body Dysmorphic Disorder Treatment

How to treat body dysmorphic disorder? Treatment depends on your symptoms, age, general health, and severity of the condition. Treatment for BDD may include psychotherapy or medications. The best treatment is a combination of the two. Research shows that the sooner treatment begins, the better the chance for controlling symptoms and recovering.

CBT for body dysmorphic disorder

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most effective talk therapy. CBT is to learn how to replace negative thoughts and cognitive distortions with rational thoughts.

ACT for Body Dysmorphic Disorder

ACT, or Acceptance Commitment Therapy, focuses on tolerating thoughts and symptoms, rather than trying to change, dispute, and generate alternative interpretations to problems. Acceptance based exposure therapy has shown clinically significant improvement in symptoms reductions. ACT also increased distress tolerance and self-acceptance 

Mindfulness-Based therapy for Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Mindfulness involves the awareness of being in the present moment, acceptance without judgment, and self-compassion. 

Dr. June and her team work closely with clients to help them to reduce stress and improve acceptance. If Body Dysmorphic Disorder affects you or your loved ones, give us a call for 15 minutes free. We will work with you as a team to help you in this healing journey.

Panic Disorder

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Experience of sudden panic symptoms (generally out of the blue, without specific triggers) in combination with persistent, lingering worry that panic symptoms will return and fear of those panic symptoms.

Recurrent expected or unexpected panic attacks AND one or more of the following symptoms for at least one month:

Pounding heart, Sweatiness, Feeling of weakness, Faintness, Dizziness, Tingling or numbness in hands, Feeling flushed, Sense of unreality, Feeling of loss of control or losing one’s mind, Fear of dying or something physically wrong (e.g., heart attack, stroke)

Persistent concern about the consequences of the attacks (e.g. “going crazy”, heart attack) or fears of having additional attacks

A significant change in behavior related to attacks (e.g. avoiding exercise)

Duration of panic attacks: a few minutes to 10 minutes (rarely last longer than 1 hour