Do you find yourself dreading social events? Does the idea of seeing friends or meeting new people make you feel anxious? Try to avoid going on dates in fear of putting yourself out there? These may be signs of social anxiety. In this article, we will better understand and discuss simple ways to deal with social anxiety.
What is social anxiety or social phobia?
Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is also called social phobia. It can mean a number of things to different people. In general, it is the persistent fear of being watched or judged by others. This can seep into many areas of life, such as work, school, dates, events, and other day-to-day activities. Some people may mistake social anxiety disorder as shyness, however, social anxiety can really interfere with everyday life.
Generalized form of social anxiety
When you have social anxiety, it can be extremely challenging to do many things. For instance, it is intimidating to go on a job interview, have a date, answer a question in class, or speak to a stranger in public spaces. Generally speaking, this fear comes from a place where you do not want to be judged or rejected in whatever you are saying or doing. Therefore, such fear can seriously hinder your progression and accomplishments. When you have social anxiety, you often feel that social situations are out of your control. That is why you may start fearing and avoiding events weeks before they happen.
Performance anxiety
Another manifestation of social phobia is performance anxiety. That is, you may feel anxious when having to perform on a stage, giving a speech, playing in a sports game, or any other activities that involve an audience. Performance anxiety is about the fear of speaking in front of a group of people. In other words, it has less to do with meeting new people and socializing.
In the 2010 film The King’s Speech, for example, Prince Albert ascending the throne as King George VI, suffered from performance anxiety. Together with a speech therapist, the King was able to overcome his anxieties and learn to speak with confidence. This film inspired many people to believe that there is cure to social anxiety. It is a one-step-at-a-time process and can be a long journey; however, there is always hope and ways to overcome obstacles that social phobia may cause.
Signs of social anxiety disorder
People with social anxiety disorder may not all have the same symptoms. It is important to know that one person’s anxiety will not be the same as someone else’s. That is, knowing your personal symptoms will help you overcome your own challenges. Overall, people with social anxiety tend to:
- Feel nauseous before social encounters
- Blush, sweat, or tremble
- Avoid meeting new people
- Fear being judged
- Be awkward or self-conscious while speaking to others
- Show stiff posture or avoid eye contact
- Ruminate on a social situation once its over
- Feel dizzy and lightheaded
- Have blank mind
How to deal with social anxiety disorder?
Thankfully, more people are speaking about social anxiety and mental health in general. Therefore, it has become a little easier to understand and acknowledge when you suffer from social phobia. Recent statistics show that about nine percent of the American population experiences social anxiety. So it is important to know that you’re not alone.
In order to deal with social anxiety, the first step is to recognize the signs and symptoms. Such awareness can help you to understand what you are dealing with and even accept yourself. The second step is to seek treatment. Typically, therapy, medication, and the combination of both the two could be treatment for social anxiety. Therapy can be an extremely effective way of dealing with social anxiety. Many people with social anxiety may decide to join support groups. They can be helpful in receiving advice from people who experience similar things as you. That could serve as a good reminder that you are not alone.
Besides psychotherapy and medication, other simples ways may be helpful to deal with social anxiety.
1. Use mindfulness meditation to manage social anxiety
Self-help practices can be an extremely useful tool, such as mindfulness breathing, relaxation, and meditation. The practice of mindfulness meditation involves learning to become aware of your emotions and thoughts without analyzing or reacting to them. That is, you pay attention to the present moment with interest, rather than judgment.You can practice mindfulness meditation daily. It can be as long as 20 to 40 minutes, or as mini-meditations of a few minutes throughout the day.
Specifically, you can use curiosity training to get out of your heads and into the moment. When you interact with a stranger, the typical social anxiety could be focusing your attention on yourself, such as criticizing your performance or appearance, trying to guess what others are thinking of us, struggling to script out what to say. Mindfulness helps you to earn to treat all those thoughts as background noise. In other words, you are aware of such noise, but not paying attention to it. Instead, you return your attention to taking interest in the situation, the person, and the conversation.
2. Exposure – Put yourself out there:
Exposure to feared situations could be an effective way. Exposure is where people face a feared social situation until their anxiety decreases or the anxiety-related expectancies are disrupted. It can help you overcome fears of specific social and performance situations. Sometimes, it is best to put yourself in a situation that you find daunting in order to practice being in situations that you find uncomfortable.
Exposure for the fear of socializing can involve a hierarchy including these social situations and any others that cause you anxiety.Vividly imagining the feared situation, role-playing with the therapist and using technology can also deliver exposure.
3. Seek help from others and a therapist
Asking for help is also extremely important when dealing with anxiety. Such help can be from a therapist, teacher, friend, parent, or anyone else you feel you trust and can speak openly to. If you find it too intimidating to talk to a friend or even your doctor, talking to a stranger online or through the help line could be the first step. Eventually, it could pave the way to share more with someone you know or a therapist. A psychotherapist will help you in a safe and confidential environment.
Know that you are not alone in the journey of dealing with your social anxiety. That is to say, the biggest fear people have is to speak in public; Also, social anxiety is the 3rd most common mental health disorder after depression and substance abuse. a psychotherapist
4. Keep a social anxiety journal to manage negative thoughts
Keeping a journal has proved to be one of the most useful tools for anyone dealing with anxiety and anyone who wants to improve their mental health. Writing out your thoughts can be a way to organize them in a complete judgement-free space. It can also help improve thinking patterns and avoid getting back into older, more negative ones.
Identify automatic negative thoughts
When you have social anxiety, you could have some typical automatic negative thoughts in social settings, such as:
- I could say something stupid / wrong.
- They could make fun of me.
- No one likes me or is interested in me.
- People will think I’m boring or awkward.
- What I have to say isn’t good enough. No one will be interested.
- They can tell I’m anxious and will think I’m weirdo.
- I may embarrass myself.
Reframe negative thoughts
It is essential to recognize and dispute negative automatic thoughts when you try to manage social anxiety. You may be able to recognize your cognitive distortions and challenge them and other deeply-held beliefs. This way, you find evidence for and against your thoughts to make sure they are rational. With some help from your therapist, you can practice this skill on your own to reduce your social anxiety.
5. Set Goals to overcome social anxiety
Try and set goals for yourself, one step at a time. In order to achieve your goals to reduce social anxiety, the steps below may be helpful.
- Improve awareness and understanding of your social phobia;
- Recognize and reframe the automatic negative thoughts about yourself
- Expose yourself in social situations to develop confidence, especially the ones you fear most
- Practice positive affirmations to replace those defeated negative self-talk;
- Improve your coping skills to deal with social anxiety
6. Manage perfectionism to reduce social anxiety
Indeed, perfectionism and social anxiety may go hand in hand with each other. That is, perfectionism may be making you socially anxious. Understand that everyone makes mistakes. In other words, accomplishing perfection is not the best goal. This is a great way to stop fearing judgement and criticism. (See our blog on perfectionism)
7. Say how you feel:
If you’re in a social situation that is making you uncomfortable or giving you any negative symptoms, tell someone. Don’t stay in a situation that you’re uncomfortable with in fear of judgment from others. It’s OK to say no.
Social anxiety has become increasingly common. Actually it is the number 3 mental health issues after depression and addiction. Our society is becoming more and more supportive. People with anxiety can speak about their difficulties freely. Although it still may seem daunting to speak about social anxiety, it is important to remember that many people want to help and support you. Whether you find therapy, support groups, or friends, the most helpful thing, there are always a number of ways to help deal with social anxiety.
Dr. June and her team are here to support you and assist you in your journey of dealing with gaslighting in a relationship. Our therapists in New York will help you to identify the gaslighting, gain insight, learn coping skills, and practice techniques to validate yourself. Call us free for 15 minutes, you deserve respect and the best quality of a relationships.
Special thanks to the contribution of our psychology intern Tammy Krikheli
