Understand and Overcome Perfectionism

Do you find yourself criticizing yourself often? You only feel happy when you can complete a task perfectly? Ever feel what you do is never enough? Do you have to have total control over your personal and professional relationships? If your answer is yes to most of these questions, you may very well be dealing with perfectionism.

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is about the desire to achieve perfection, or refuse to accept any flaws. As much as it helps you to achieve your goals, it could be painful and shameful, especially because it often leads to self-defeating thoughts and behaviors. In fact, we all know someone who may be a perfectionist. Obviously they have impeccable grades, double check everything they work on, and will feel terrible if they could not compete a task in its best form. These all might sound like great qualities, but only if they are about healthy achievement and growth. 

The toxicity with perfectionism is not the desire for success, rather it is the avoidance of failure. Instead of being on a positive track, this type of thinking causes a negative orientation. In other words, fear takes over more than anything else. In reality, people who seek perfection rather than achievement actually end up being less productive. There is often a cloud of self-doubt and hesitation that comes with fear of making mistakes. Obviously this can be seriously harmful for your mental health as well as for achievements and success.

Signs Of Being A Perfectionist

Since the traits of being a perfectionist are quite common, it is important to distinguish being a high achiever from perfectionism. Identifying these traits can be useful to help motivate changing your mindset, environment, and drive towards success. Once you make that distinction, it will become easier to formulate a plan to adjust your mindset so that you are your happiest.

What a Perfectionist Looks Like

Typically a perfectionist always goes above and beyond the call of duty, and executes things to an nth degree. As a perfectionist, you obsess and overthink, dwell and stew on any tasks you work on. Also, there is nothing between 0 and 100 , that is, either you get it perfectly, or else is failure, including 99.

In general, these are some of the common traits a perfectionist exhibits:

• Being pushed by fear
• Critical of oneself
• Unrealistic standards
• Procrastination
• Low self-esteem
• Depressed from unmet goals
• Controlling in personal relationships

These factors can sometimes be seemingly positive. Although they can lead to persistence and diligence, they can cause a toxic mindset, and ultimately feelings of depression and anxiety. Being able to bring these traits into control is important to ensure a positive and well-oriented path to achieving your goals!

What a High Achiever Looks Like

Unlike a perfectionist, a high achiever can be satisfied with doing an excellent job despite of small mistakes or lessons. They are much less critical of themselves and of others than are a perfectionist. That is, they can accept the flawed self and make peace with themselves. In addition, a high achiever is able to bounce back fairly easily from disappointment, instead of beating themselves up, Overall, a high achiever is less likely to be fear driven to achieve their goals. 

What Causes Perfectionism?

Generally speaking, many different factors contribute to perfectionism. The overarching and most common facet is having unhealthy motivations and habits, especially when you try to achieve goals or avoid failures. It may also be more prevalent if you have had a bad experience of receiving criticism or “failing” a test or task. Wanting to avoid failure is not inherently negative; however, it is important to know that mistakes are okay and unavoidable in life. In addition, having low self-esteem can be one factor in wanting to achieve perfection. Self-critical people, on the other hand, may also avoid criticism from others.

Trying to deal with perfectionism becomes a harder task when you feel unable to speak to someone. When you’re reluctant to share your thoughts and feelings, it can feel a bit hopeless to try and change your mindset. It is hard to reveal your vulnerability to begin with, let alone the fear you might say the wrong thing or be seen as imperfect. By speaking to family members, friends, or a therapist, you can help to remind yourself that you are enough, and the job that you’re doing is enough. Especially when talking to people who are close to you and care for you, it can be an easier process to attain those positive reminders.

Dangers of Perfectionism

Some of the traits of being a perfectionist are seemingly positive things, such as being detail-oriented and having high standards. Although these ideas are facets of perfectionism, the real toxic aspects go deeper. For example, one may think that by caring about details and being scared of failure would lead to accomplishing many goals, and in a timely manner.

In reality, the focusing and obsession of details can lead to extreme procrastination. This can cause negative thoughts and feelings. When you focus on not failing, rather than accomplishing, you may want to avoid meeting a deadline. This is particularly the case when you feel that the task needs more efforts to achieve perfection. Instead of accomplishing things on a to-do list, a perfectionist will be more likely to delay the completion of a task in fear of imperfection. 

There is also the danger of focusing so much on the perfection of a task. As a result, the journey is no longer enjoyable. You may forget the beauty of working process towards a goal when you only focus on the perfect accomplishment. These habits can lead to countless feelings of self-doubt, which can really control your life. Overall, having some of these traits do not have to be negative, as long as they are healthy and in moderation.

Tips to Overcome Perfectionism

It can be difficult to try and find the best solutions when anxiety or negative thoughts come with perfectionism. Also, the best solutions work for others may not be ones that work for you. In fact, they should be well customized to what fits your needs. Here are some tips for dealing with perfectionism:

• Set realistic standards for yourself.
• Reward yourself for accomplishments, even when you feel they may be imperfect.
• Remind yourself that people may not be paying as much attention to the details within your work, and are less likely to identify flaws.
• Set strict time limits on your tasks.
• Learn to cope and accept criticism.
• Speak to people about how you feel, and remind yourself that you are 

We are Here to Help

Trying to overcome perfectionism can be a challenging process, but it can be achieved through using the right resources and adjusting your mindset in the way that works best for you. Speaking to a therapist can really help this process, especially because it leaves room in your schedule to really relieve everything building up in your mind. The most important thing to remember is that what you are doing is enough, and it can be helpful to repeat that as much as you need to!

If you are struggling with perfectionism and related anxiety, our psychotherapists in New York are here to help you. Give us a call free for 15 minutes. The therapists in our team will assist you in this journey of overcoming your perfectionism.