Wellness Archives - Junhong Cao, Ph.D. (Dr. June)

Key Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

Posted on May 21, 2024May 21, 2024 by junecao

Fairy Tales just said “they live happily after,” but never told you how to make it happen. Of course, you hope to have a strong and healthy marriage, but believe it or not, to ensure a long-lasting relationship, it starts before you tie the knot. That is, it’s crucial to have honest conversations with your partner before you say, “I do”. What are the right questions to ask before getting married? This guide covers key topics to discuss, from finances and family planning to values and intimacy.

Key Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

1. Financial Questions

Finances are a common source of conflict in marriages. Actually, a recent study reported that arguments about money are by far the top predictor of divorce. As awkward as it may feel, it’s important to discuss money matters early on. In particular, ask each other about existing debts, like student loans or credit card balances; discuss how you will handle budgeting and saving, such as spending habits and approaches to saving money; and talk about your financial goals, such as buying a house or saving for retirement. For most couples, it is also important to discuss how to divide financial responsibilities. Typically, you may talk about whether and how to set up joint accounts and individual accounts. When it comes to navigating a prenup agreement, people may have different opinions; however, if you find it worth discussing, there are ways to bring it up.

If, by any chance, you feel uncomfortable discussing financial matters, it is a good idea to go to a professional for premarital counseling. Our therapists at Mind Connections, for example, will naturally bring up this topic to avoid any possible embarrassment.

2. Family Planning and Parenting

One of the essential questions to ask before getting married is about your views on children. This topic is crucial for a harmonious relationship because it sets expectations early. Specifically, Do you both want to have kids,? If yes, how many kids? What are the parenting roles? How do you hope to discipline children? All these questions will help you understand each other’s perspectives and avoid future conflicts.

3. Values and Beliefs

Aligning on core values and beliefs is fundamental for a long-lasting relationship. Don’t hesitate to discuss the role of religion in your lives. Although politics can be a sensitive topic, it’s important to discuss each other’s political views, and how strongly you feel about them. In addition, talk about your personal values and what matters most to you. All these topics can help you understand your partner better and, hence, lead to a more harmonious relationship.

4. Lifestyle and Future Goals

Another set of key questions to ask before getting married is about lifestyle preferences and future goals. Ultimately, this helps ensure you are on the same path. What exactly should be discussed here? As someone who needs to work, you should apparently discuss your career goals and aspirations. Understanding each other’s professional ambitions can help you support each other. On the other hand, work-life balance is crucial for maintaining harmony in your marriage. You probably need to talk about your work commitments and how you plan to balance work and your personal life. Understanding how much time you dedicate to work and family can help you plan quality time, manage expectations, and reduce potential conflicts.

Besides, lifestyle could include living arrangements, such as where you want to live, in the city or the suburbs. Other preferences like vacations, hobbies, and education are all good questions to ask before getting married. Another important topic is each other’s need for personal space. Even in a very happy relationship, you may need some alone time to recharge. How much time do you need? What activities do you enjoy doing alone? In fact, respecting each other’s need for solitude can prevent feelings of suffocation and maintain harmony.

5. Communication and Conflict Resolution

Effective communication and conflict resolution are essential for a strong marriage. Not only research, but our practice of couples therapy at Mind Connections consistently showed that most couples seek professional help for “communication issues.” Seemingly, you can address this before tying the knot to avoid more problems. For example, ask how you prefer to communicate about difficult topics, how you handle conflicts, and what you need from each other when you’re upset. An open and honest discussion on this tricky topic could help you better handle conflicts and eventually strengthen your bond.

6. Relationships with In-Laws

Believe it or not, your relationship with in-laws can significantly impact your relationship. Therefore, discuss your relationship with each other’s families. Particular topics include how to handle relationship dynamics, where to spend big holidays, how often to visit each other’s families, and what boundaries to set. Aligning on this helps manage expectations and avoid conflicts.

7. Expectations About Intimacy and Sex

Without a doubt, intimacy and sex is crucial for a healthy marriage. This is another aspect in which couples often seek professional help in couples therapy. About intimacy and sex, what questions to ask before getting married? Talk openly about each other’s sexual needs, expectations, frequency of intimacy, and turn-ons and turn-offs. Since sex is two-way traffic, you want to be transparent about your desires and boundaries. For instance, the positions you want to try, what makes you feel good, and what makes you feel uncomfortable, Besides being honest with these questions, it is also important to be curious about each other’s preferences, considerate about your partner’s feelings, and compassionate without shaming or blaming each other for your sexual needs. Overall, the more open and honest you are with such questions, the closer you will feel to your relationship.

Consider Pre-Marital Counseling

Pre-marital counseling can be invaluable in addressing these important questions. At Mind Connections, we offer services designed to help couples prepare for marriage. Our counseling sessions provide a safe space to discuss these topics. We help couples navigate difficult conversations and build strong foundations. Based on your needs, our therapist can focus on helping you with communication skills, conflict resolution, and understanding each other’s needs. These provide practical tools to strengthen your relationship. Besides, Mind Connections provides resources such as books and guides on building a healthy marriage. These materials can help you and your partner continue to grow together.

For example, a couple who attended our pre-marital counseling reported that they felt more prepared for marriage and had a better understanding of each other’s expectations. They learned effective communication techniques and set realistic goals for their future together. Call us for a free 15-minute consultation. Our therapists are here with you to establish a healthy and long-lasting marriage.

10 Steps to Embrace Single Life after a Breakup

Posted on October 31, 2023December 14, 2023 by Victoria

A breakup is undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences we can go through in life. How to heal after a breakup? Navigating the turbulent waters of heartbreak and rediscovering oneself can be tough. However, the journey of healing after a relationship ends paves the way for personal growth and renewed happiness. This guide offers a roadmap for those looking to confidently embrace single life after a breakup.

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve

You may ask, what to do immediately after a breakup? The first step in healing is actually allowing yourself to grieve. Without a doubt, a breakup is a loss, and with loss comes grief. You may feel lost after a breakup and go through different stages of grief. Even those who initiated ending the relationship also go through grief. Ever wonder, why do breakups hurt even when you wanted it? Actually, it’s because of the loss of the shared future, emotional bond, support, and companionship. Let alone the guilty feelings, the doubt, the change in identity, and the disruption of routine.

Understand that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or any other emotion that may arise. Therefore, give yourself the time and space to process these feelings. Avoid bottling up your emotions; instead, find a safe space to express them. Also, consider journaling as a tool for emotional healing, talking to a trusted friend, or participating in a support group.

2. Prioritize Self-Care after a Breakup

Among things to do after a breakup, self-care is crucial now more than ever. Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Ensure you are getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in regular physical activity. Whether it’s indulging in spa days, taking long walks, or simply reading a book, find activities that soothe your soul. Consider practices such as meditation, yoga, or deep-breathing exercises to manage stress and improve your mental well-being. Establishing a post-breakup self-care routine can significantly aid your emotional well-being.

3. Set Personal Boundaries

After a breakup, you’ll likely encounter a barrage of opinions and unsolicited advice. Remember to establish clear boundaries. Whether it’s deciding not to discuss the breakup or taking a social media hiatus, setting personal boundaries protects your mental space.

Meanwhile, another boundary you may want to establish is the “after a breakup no contact” rule with your ex-partner. As difficult as it may be, the “no contact” rule can be crucial. More often than not, continuing to communicate can lead to more confusion and prolong the healing process. Instead, use this time to focus on yourself and your healing. If you share mutual responsibilities or belongings, try to manage the exchange with as little contact as possible.

4. Reflect on the Relationship

Use this time to reflect on the relationship objectively. What worked and didn’t work? What role did you play in both the success and the downfall of the relationship? Are there any lessons you can take from the relationship? How can you use these lessons to improve yourself and your future relationships? Obviously, this is not about blaming yourself or your ex-partner, but about understanding the dynamics of the relationship to learn from. This way, you can use this time to work on any personal issues that may have contributed to the relationship’s downfall. That is, view the breakup as an opportunity for personal growth.

5. Rediscover Yourself after a Breakup

Often, in relationships, we compromise or change aspects of ourselves. We merge our identities with our partners. After a breakup, it’s essential to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship. How about reconnecting with old friends? Picking up hobbies that you may have left behind and exploring new interests? Actually, this is an opportunity to rebuild and strengthen your identity. This period of discovering oneself post-relationship can be enlightening and empowering. Anyhow, it is essential to build resilience after relationship loss.

6. Build a Support Network

Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of friends and family can be incredibly beneficial. These are the people who know you, love you, and are there to offer a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. Don’t hesitate to reach out and let them know what you’re going through.

Don’t forget to strengthen other relationships. While a significant relationship has ended, remember the other bonds you have. In fact, this is a golden period to reconnect with friends or family, fostering deeper connections. Strengthening non-romantic relationships post-breakup can provide the emotional support you need.

7. Establish New Routines

Apparently, a breakup can disrupt your daily routine and sense of stability. Yet, establishing a new routine can provide structure and a sense of normalcy. Routine can be comforting. So make sure to include activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s a new workout regimen, a morning meditation, or a weekly movie night, establishing new routines after a relationship ends can be therapeutic.

Something to avoid, though, is unhealthy coping mechanisms. It can be tempting to numb the pain with unhealthy coping mechanisms such as excessive drinking, binge-eating, or isolating yourself. While these may provide temporary relief, they can lead to longer-term issues and hinder your healing process.

8. Avoid Rushing into Another Relationship

Among the things not to do after a breakup, rushing into another relationship may be on the top. While the idea of a new romantic venture might seem tempting, avoid the pitfalls of rebound relationships. You may also want to get back together after a breakup, but wait. That is, wait until you have spent enough time for personal reflection, emotional detox, assessment of compatibility, and breaking unhealthy patterns. Give yourself the time and space to heal, grow, and embrace the positives of single life before diving back into the dating pool or the past relationship.

That is, be patient. Healing takes time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself. As a matter of fact, some days will be better than others, and that’s okay. The truth is, healing is not linear, and allowing yourself the time you need is crucial. When you’re ready, and only when you’re ready, open yourself up to new possibilities or new romantic interests. Remember, there is a future beyond this breakup, and you have the strength to embrace it.

9. Celebrate the Positives of Single Life

How to move on after a breakup? Actually, embracing single life after a breakup is a unique opportunity. Consider solo activities for newly single individuals. From solo travel to pursuing personal passions, there’s a world of experiences waiting for you. How about navigating social situations as a newly single person? Don’t forget to re-establish personal goals after a breakup. Dive in, explore, and cherish this phase. That is, embrace single life with confidence and find happiness post-breakup.

10. Consider Professional Help

Sometimes, the pain of a breakup can be overwhelming. “What should I do after a breakup?” If you keep asking yourself this question and yet the pain simply does not go away, it may be beneficial to seek the help of a professional. A psychologist or breakup counselor can provide support, strategies, and a safe space to process your emotions.

Healing after a breakup is a journey, one that is unique to each individual. It’s a process that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. Remember, it’s okay to grieve, it’s okay to feel, and it’s okay to seek help. Use this time to focus on yourself, your well-being, and your personal growth. The pain may feel overwhelming now, but with time and the right support, you will heal, and you will come out stronger on the other side.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. The relationship therapists and breakup counselors on our team at Mind Connections are here for you. There is a future beyond this pain. Take it one step at a time, be kind to yourself, and healing is possible.

Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. Junhong Cao

Tips to Be a Competent LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapist

Posted on July 9, 2023November 29, 2023 by Victoria

What does it mean to be an LGBTQ affirming therapist? What does it take to make a therapist’s space a safe place for a queer client? Being an affirmative therapist is more than a title; it’s a commitment to understanding and addressing the specific issues and experiences within the LGBTQ community. Indeed, it requires awareness, the right knowledge, and skills for an inclusive therapist to help foster self-acceptance, resilience, and positive mental health in their LGBTQ clients.

Understanding the Struggles of LGBTQ+ Community

The first step to becoming an LGBTQ affirming therapist is understanding the unique challenges that LGBTQ individuals face. In fact, living in the world as an LGBTQ+ individuals is not always easy; oftentimes, they face hurdles that their heterosexual and cisgender peers may not encounter.

External Challenges Faced by LGBTQ+ Community

All too common in their lives are discrimination, prejudice, and lack of acceptance. It’s not uncommon for them to experience rejection and misunderstanding from their families, friends, communities, and other part of their social support systems. Moreover, LGBTQ+ individuals have to worry about violence and hate crimes if they ever chose to be themselves openly or if they were caught doing so by the wrong crowd.

If people didn’t live in fear, they lived in silence. Gay people had to live in silence, hiding who they truly were: they would describe it as being “in the closet,” “living a double life,” or “wearing a mask and taking it off.” Unfortunately, living a “silent” life wasn’t enough to keep people safe from discrimination. As Audre Lorde, a famous writer and activist, once said, “My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you.”

Internal Struggles of LGBTQ+ Individuals

Sometimes, LGBTQ individuals face internal struggles as well, like grappling with their own identity or deciding when and how to come out to their loved ones. They might also deal with specific mental health issues that are more prevalent in the LGBTQ community due to these unique stressors.

Specifically, the 2023 Trevor Project reported that 41% of LGBTQ young people seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year. In addition, a large majority of LGBTQ young people reported recent symptoms of anxiety (67%) and depression (54%).

People in the queer community may face factors like minority stress. That is, the ongoing stress experienced by people from marginalized or minority groups due to their social, cultural, or identity-based attributes. Furthermore, people of color combined with LGBTQ+ identities may also lead to extra layers of challenges, including racism, cultural expectations, and language barriers. For example, as stated in this article, research suggested that 21% of LGBTQ+ AAPI adults are diagnosed with depression – this is much higher than non-LGBTQ+ AAPI (7%).

How to Become a Competent LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapist

Being an inclusive therapist means being aware of the challenges the LGBTQ+ clients face. It’s about recognizing that these experiences can affect mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. Once you understand these issues, you can better tailor your therapy techniques to address them effectively.

First, Educate Yourself

The first step in becoming a more intersectional therapist for LGBTQ+ clients is to educate yourself. Take the time to educate yourself. Learn about LGBTQ+ identities, experiences, and the unique challenges faced by different LGBTQ+ communities. Meanwhile, listen to LGBTQ+ voices in the news and in your own life. Stay updated on current research, literature, evolving terminology, and resources related to LGBTQ+ mental health. Constantly improve your cultural competence. This knowledge will help you better understand and empathize with your clients’ experiences. More specifically,

Understanding LGBTQ experiences, staying up-to-date with evolving terminology, and constantly improving your cultural competence can transform you into a highly effective LGBTQ affirming therapist.

Importance of Continued Education about LGBTQ Issues

The LGBTQ community is as diverse as a rainbow, with an array of identities, experiences, and challenges. Gaining a deeper understanding of this diversity can help you connect more authentically with your clients, validate their experiences, and provide the support they need.

It is essential to familiarize yourself with some unique concepts in the LGBTQ+ community. This way, you can better empathize with your clients and offer tailored interventions. For instance, transgender individuals often face unique stressors known as ‘minority stress’? Similarly, bisexual individuals can experience ‘bisexual erasure’ or ‘biphobia’.

Where to Find Resources

There are numerous resources available, from online courses to books and seminars. The American Psychological Association (APA) offers numerous resources on LGBTQ mental health. Websites like The Trevor Project or GLAAD also provide a wealth of information, while books like “The Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook” offer practical guidance.

In addition to these resources, it’s crucial to stay updated with the language used within the LGBTQ+ community. Language evolves, and the terms we use can greatly impact how people feel seen and understood. Always respect the labels and pronouns your clients choose to identify with. And when in doubt, ask.

Remember, becoming an LGBTQ affirming therapist is not a one-time act, but a lifelong journey of learning and growing. As you deepen your understanding, you’ll be better equipped to offer the respect, empathy, and support your LGBTQ clients need. So, stay curious and keep learning, because every bit of knowledge brings you one step closer to being the best ally you can be!

Second, Create a Safe and Inclusive Environment for LGBTQ clients

Recognize and Address Bias

To ensure a safe and inclusive environment for therapy, it’s important to acknowledge and address any biases or assumptions you may have. This may be about gender, sexuality, and other intersecting identities. Take the time to reflect on these potential prejudices. Strive to create a space where clients can openly express their experiences and concerns without fear of judgment or invalidation.

As an LGBTQ affirming therapist, creating a safe and inclusive environment is crucial. But what does that look like? How can you transform your practice into a welcoming haven for your LGBTQ clients? Let’s explore some practical tips.

Affirm and Respect LGBTQ+ Clients

Respect and acknowledge the gender identity, sexual orientation, and other LGBTQ+ aspects of your clients. Use language and terminology that aligns with their self-identified labels and is inclusive. Address any concerns or issues they may face related to their identities while also respecting their preferred pronouns.

If you see clients in person, think about your physical space. Is your waiting room welcoming? Consider incorporating LGBTQ-inclusive art, literature, or posters into your decor. Besides, displaying an LGBTQ pride flag or a sign with inclusive language can help clients feel seen and accepted.

Next, take a look at your intake forms. Are there options for different gender identities and preferred pronouns? Do they ask about sexual orientation in a respectful way? Updating these forms can show that you respect and affirm your clients’ identities before you start the sessions.

Be Humble and Learn from your LGBTQ+ Clients

However, creating a safe environment doesn’t end there. Respect must be woven into every interaction. Indeed, you need to be humble enough to learn learn from your LGBTQ+ clients.

Moreover, understanding the diversity within the LGBTQ community is key. Recognize and respect that every individual’s experience with their identity is unique and personal. Everyone’s journey with their gender identity or sexual orientation is their own, and it’s important to honor that in your practice.

Truth be told, LGBTQ+ individuals often see it a lifeline to find a therapist who truly understands and accepts them. As an LGBTQ affirming therapist, you have the power to create that safe, welcoming space they need. Your efforts can make a world of difference!

Third, Tailor Treatment Approaches

Becoming an LGBTQ affirming therapist isn’t just about understanding and empathy; it also involves using specific therapeutic approaches to best support your LGBTQ+ clients.

More specifically, person-centered therapy could help to focus on the clients’ strengths. It’s about understanding and accepting them as they are, with no judgment. As an LGBTQ affirming therapist, using person-centered therapy means creating an environment where your clients feel valued and understood for who they truly are.

Besides, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be an effective tool. CBT helps clients understand the connection between their thoughts, feelings, and actions. For LGBTQ+ individuals dealing with internalized negativity or anxiety, this approach can help them recognize harmful thought patterns and develop healthier ways to cope.

Fourth. Advocate as an LGBTQ Affirmating Therapist

As a therapist, it’s important to support your LGBTQ+ clients beyond the therapy room. You can assist them in finding helpful resources and support systems. This can be LGBTQ+ community centers, support groups, healthcare providers, and legal services, if necessary. It’s also beneficial to stay up-to-date on LGBTQ+-friendly organizations and professionals who can provide further specialized support.

Providing Support During Crucial Moments

A. How to support clients during coming out or transitioning. This is the time that most of our queer clients struggle the most. Typically, they may have gone through their own process of questioning, self-doubt, fears, research, and confirming. Besides, lack of social support could also keep them isolated. Supporting them to learn how to come out to their family and friends becomes super important. Helping clients in the trans community to seek help from physicians and agencies may be essential as well. An affirmative therapist should encourage open and honest communication, and seek their input and feedback regarding their treatment goals, preferences, and needs. Collaborate together to develop strategies and coping mechanisms that address their unique challenges.

B. Discussing relationships, dating, and sexuality within the LGBTQ community. An affirmative therapist should encourage open and honest communication, and seek their input and feedback regarding their treatment goals, preferences, and needs. Collaborate together to develop strategies and coping mechanisms that address their unique challenges.

Dr. June and the therapists on her team provide pride counseling for LGBTQ+ individuals and couples. If you struggle with harassment, hatred, related stress, anxiety, depression, or any other mental health challenge we are here to provide LGBTQIA-friendly therapy! Call us free for 15 minutes to discuss your concerns and seek pride counseling.

Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. Cao

Strategies to Cope with Social Anxiety at Work

Posted on June 1, 2023June 15, 2023 by Victoria

Having social anxiety at work? Living with social anxiety can cause additional stress in your daily life. You may feel apprehensive about being around other people in public places and worry about how they perceive you. Individuals with social anxiety often find it difficult to attend school or work because they are frequently surrounded by others. Large group settings, like classrooms or offices, can intensify the social anxiety experience.

If you are struggling with social anxiety at work, please know you are not alone. Mind Connections wants you to know that you can take control of your anxiety and find healthy coping mechanisms. Keep reading to learn more about managing anxiety and thriving in the workplace.

What is Social Phobia or Social Anxiety at Work?

If you identify with the questions below, you may be dealing with signs of social anxiety disorder (SAD) or social phobia.

Encounter high levels of stress in your daily life that you may be judged or humiliated
Participating in class, maintaining casual conversation with strangers, or even entering a crowded place make you feel very anxious
Experience not only an emotional reaction to this fear but a physical one as well, such as blushing, trembling, etc.
Fear and anxiety lead to avoidance that can disrupt your life
After a social interaction, spend significant amount of time analyzing your performance and ruminating about your flaws

When someone has social anxiety it can make each day a struggle. Social anxiety makes people fear that others may scrutinize them or make a fool of themselves. In turn, this constant worry leads to dread and even avoidance of social interaction.

How Does Social Anxiety Affect Me in the Workplace?

Social anxiety causes individuals to fear being the center of attention or being perceived and judged by others. Apparently this could lead to self-isolation and avoidance of large group settings. However, many professions require interacting with people regularly, which can be challenging for those with social anxiety. For instance, if you aspire to be a doctor or work in a helping profession, you will likely interact with people throughout the day.

Don’t let social anxiety determine what you can do with your life. If you have always wanted to be, for example, a doctor, do not let your social anxiety prevent you from pursuing your dreams. You deserve to fulfill your aspirations while managing your stress.

If you experience social anxiety at work, you may constantly feel nervous about how you are perceived and judged by your colleagues and supervisor. That is, you may worry about being mocked, criticized, or doubted about your job performance. Additionally, you may struggle to interact with customers or patients due to these fears.

Common Thoughts of Work-Related Social Anxiety

“Everyone is judging me right now they must think I’m doing a horrible job”
“My boss hates me and he’s going to fire me because he noticed that mistake I made 3 weeks ago”
“My coworker seems upset with me- I am anxious! What did I do?”
“I have to make a phone call to a customer I’m very nervous I wish I could just be home by myself”
“My job evaluation is coming up and I don’t want to meet my boss. I am very fearful of what they will say and how they are judging my performance”
“What if someone doesn’t like the work I did and leaves a mean review about me online? How will I defend myself? Will everyone hate me?

How to Deal With Social Anxiety At Work?

1. Practice Relaxation Techniques

If you’re experiencing anxiety, it can be helpful to practice relaxation techniques. For instance, deep breathing exercises can calm your nervous system. Specifically, it entails taking slow, deep breaths and exhaling slowly. Another relaxation exercise is progressive muscle relaxation. You simply tense and relax different muscle groups in your body, promotes physical and mental relaxation. Visualization techniques can also help alleviate anxiety. It is fairly simple to practice as well. Just close your eyes and imagine yourself in a calm and confident state. By doing so, you can help you to stay calm.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Social anxiety often stems from negative thoughts or self-doubt. By challenging negative thoughts, you can develop more realistic and balanced perspectives, reducing social anxiety at work. A typical example is social anxiety during job interviews. How to challenge these thoughts? Here are some strategies:

A). Identify the negative thoughts:

First of all, pay attention to the thoughts that arise before and during job interviews. That is, notice any self-doubt, self-criticism, or negative predictions about the outcome of the job interview. Some negative thoughts could include “They can see how nervous I am”; “I’ll say something stupid”; “They think I’m incompetent”; or “I won’t get the job”.

B). Question the evidence:

Second, ask yourself if there is concrete evidence supporting your negative thoughts. Often, social anxiety leads to distorted thinking. Are your negative assumptions valid? For instance, about the negative thought “I’ll say something stupid”, what’s your track record of saying anything stupid in the past? If you never had such an experience, what is the likelihood you would do it this time?

C). Consider alternative explanations:

After questioning the evidence, you may generate alternative explanations or interpretations for the situation. Literally ask yourself, “Is there another perspective that is more balanced or realistic?” Challenge the automatic negative interpretations with more positive or neutral ones. For example, anxiety might impact your confidence temporarily during the interview, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you will say something foolish.

D). Evaluate the impact of the thoughts:

Next step is to assess the impact of your negative thoughts. Are they helping you perform better or hindering your performance? Recognize that negative thoughts are not necessarily accurate or helpful.

E). Gather supportive evidence:

Last but not least, recall past successes or positive experiences in similar situations. Remind yourself of your skills, qualifications, and strengths. Focus on the evidence that contradicts your negative thoughts. Recall moments when you have spoken confidently and articulately in professional or social settings. Remind yourself of positive feedback or successful interactions you’ve had in the past.

3. Gradual Exposure

Overcoming social anxiety at work can be achieved through a strategy called gradual exposure. This involves facing situations that make you anxious in a gradual manner, starting with less challenging scenarios and progressively moving on to more difficult ones. To some extent, this is like building a fear ladder for you to gradually climb till you feel comfortable with all challenging situations.

For example, if you have social anxiety in team meetings, you can begin by having small conversations with colleagues you are familiar with and then gradually work up to more complex interactions. Before you know it, this gradual approach helps you become less sensitive to social situations and increases your confidence over time.

4. Seek Support

As a matter of fact, it can be very beneficial to seek help from people you trust, like colleagues, pals, or mental health experts, when dealing with social anxiety. They can offer empathy, motivation, and advice on coping methods that work best for you. It’s reassuring to have someone to confide in and rely on during challenging moments, which can significantly improve your mental and emotional health.

5. Prioritize Self-Care

Obviously, overcoming social anxiety in the office requires taking care of your physical and mental health. To achieve this, prioritize getting enough rest, engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a healthy diet, and participating in activities that bring you happiness outside of work. By practicing self-care, you can reduce stress, promote relaxation, and improve your resilience in dealing with social anxiety.

6. Treatment for Social Anxiety or Phobia

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Social Anxiety

As we all know, individuals with social phobia often exaggerate the potential adverse outcomes of events and expect the worst. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a helpful approach to help them view the world in a less intimidating way and positively manage anxiety. CBT enables clients to restructure their beliefs to be more realistic, making social interactions less overwhelming and more manageable for individuals with social anxiety.

Mindfulness-Based therapy

Managing social anxiety disorder can be done through mindfulness meditation. This involves being aware of your thoughts and emotions without reacting or judging them. Guided meditation can help you stay in the present moment and reduce over-analysis. Additionally, a grounding exercise can be effective in managing anxiety quickly. If you experience fears in social situations, you can redirect your attention to focus on your senses, which is an effective

Exposure in Behavior therapy to Treat Social Anxiety at Work

As. mentioned before; exposure therapy is a behavior therapy technique that effectively treats fear and anxiety, including social anxiety. It uses habituation to reduce fear by gradually exposing people to their fears in social settings using a Fear Ladder.

Call now to learn more about how therapy can help you learn how to deal with social anxiety at work!

Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao

The Link Between Regular Exercise and Mental Health

Posted on February 23, 2023June 15, 2023 by Victoria

As we all know, exercise can improve our physical health, such as maintain a healthy weight and reduce risk of chronic disease. There is also a strong link between regular exercise and better mental health outcomes. For instance, regular exercise can help alleviate symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress while also boosting mood and overall well-being. In fact, exercise has tons of benefits to mental health.

The Benefits of Exercise on Mental Health

Scientific Benefits of Exercise

To understand the connection between exercise and mental well-being, it’s important to first understand how exercise affects the brain. When we exercise, our bodies release a number of chemicals that can affect our mood, including endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine.

Specifically, endorphins, the “feel-good” chemicals, can help reduce pain and promote feelings of pleasure. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that is often associated with feelings of happiness and well-being, while dopamine is associated with motivation and reward. By increasing the release of these chemicals, exercise can help improve our mood and overall emotional well-being.

Reduction of Symptoms of Anxiety and Depression

Exercise has been seen to lessen symptoms of anxiety and depression. Harvard shares that exercise helps people keep their minds off of what they are anxious about and “increases anti-anxiety neurochemicals, including serotonin, gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), and endocannabinoids.”

Many anxious people constantly think about what is stressing or triggering them. Rumination is a term to describe the tendency to dwell on negative thoughts or experiences. When people ruminate, they repeatedly think about and analyze past events, often in a way that is unproductive and causes distress.

According to The OCD and Anxiety Center, “rumination is often a primary symptom in Obsessive-compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.” Exercise can help people detach from their ruminations and focus their attention on the task at hand. For example, someone may be anxious about giving a speech. They choose to go on a run, and this activity helps break the rumination they had been in; instead of coming on the speech, the person admires nature during their run, the friendly people they see, and the feeling of the breeze hitting their face.

Improvement of Cognitive Function

The CDC states that exercise can improve people’s cognitive function in many ways. Physical activity can help people problem-solve, regulate their emotions, improve memory, and more.

Exercise helps us increase blood flow throughout the body and the brain. When this happens, more oxygen and nutrients go to brain cells, which can improve their overall function. In addition, exercise can stimulate the growth of new brain cells and connections between them, enhancing learning and memory.

Did you know that chronic stress can lead to cognitive decline? Exercise helps lower stress levels in the body and, in turn, can be considered a preventative measure to keep the brain strong. The Alzeherm’s Society says that daily exercise can even reduce the risk of developing this disease by 30%.

Boosted Mood and Improvement of Sleep

Exercise has been seen to help improve people’s moods. As mentioned before, exercise can boost feel-good chemicals like serotonin in people’s bodies. Many people feel very accomplished or happy after completing a workout, especially if it was quite challenging or rigorous. Daily physical activity improves not only people’s moods but also their ability to sleep.

Enhancement of Self-Esteem and Social Connection

As mentioned before, many people feel accomplished after completing an exercise. Achieving fitness goals or simply feeling stronger and healthier can boost self-esteem and confidence, improving mental health and resilience.

Also, participating in exercise, whether individually or as part of a group or team, can provide a sense of purpose and social connection, essential for maintaining mental health and well-being.

It Can Be Challenging to Get Started With Daily Exercise

While exercise has many benefits, motivating ourselves to move can be challenging. Many people may feel overwhelmed and need help figuring out where to start. Going to the gym or signing up for their first workout class can be intimidating to newcomers. Others may fear that they are too busy or don’t have time to exercise each day. Whatever the reason is, we can find best exercise for mental health and stick to a good exercise habit.

How To Exercise More Regularly

Regular exercise is an essential component of a healthy lifestyle, but it can be difficult to incorporate into your daily routines. It might be challenging to find time to exercise between duties to your family, job, and other commitments. However, prioritizing exercise can significantly improve both your physical and emotional wellbeing. Here are some tips for exercise more regularly:

Set Realistic Goals

One of the most important things you can do when starting an exercise routine is to set realistic goals. Be specific about what you want to achieve and set a timeframe for achieving it. For example, if you want to lose weight, set a goal to lose, say 10 pounds in 6 months. This way, it can help you stay motivated and focused on your exercise routine.

Do Exercise You Enjoy:

You may feel that it is challenging to get started exercising because you don’t like going to the gym or lifting weights. The good news is that there are many different types of exercise to choose from, so you’re sure to find something you enjoy! If you don’t like running on the treadmill in the gym, try taking a walk outside at the local park. Or you may like to dance, so sign up for dance exercise classes or Zumba by you. Make working out more interesting and fun by doing activities YOU enjoy!

Schedule Your Exercises

Schedule time for exercise throughout the day to make it a priority. Simply consider it to be a must-attend appointment. Choose a time that works best for you to exercise, whether it is in the morning, the afternoon, or the evening, and stick to it. When it comes to creating a regular fitness schedule, consistency is essential.

Find a Workout Buddy:

If you are nervous to start working out, try finding a friend or group of people to get moving with! Keep each other motivated and encourage each other when either of you are feeling overwhelmed.

You can do things like going on a run with your friend or taking an exercise class together. Finding a workout buddy or group of buddies can make exercising more fun while also helping you socialize more for the day!

Dress Comfortably:

Wear workout clothes that work for you! You don’t need fancy or high-priced exercise gear to get started. Wear what you feel comfortable working out in and what will help you complete your exercise most effectively.

Follow Your Own Path:

Sometimes we get intimidated by the grueling workouts we see fitness gurus or people we know do online. Remember that you can start exercising at a pace and with a routine that fits your comfort level. Take your time and build up to the more advanced workouts.

Be Flexible

As we all know, life can be unpredictable. That is why it’s important to be flexible with your exercise routine. If you miss a workout, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, try to make it up the next day or find another way to incorporate physical activity into your day.

Reward Yourself

It is important to reward yourself for sticking to your exercise routine. For example, treat yourself to a massage, a new workout outfit, a healthy meal, or have a cheat day. Indeed, celebrating your progress can help keep you motivated and make exercise feel more rewarding.

Consider Therapy

Exercise is a great way to help improve your mental health, cognitive function, and overall mood and well-being. However, if you are struggling and exercise doesn’t feel like enough, consider therapy! Therapy can help you deal with any stressors or hardships you are dealing with in your life. Call now to learn more about treatment for anxiety, depression, self-esteem building, or any other mental health concern mentioned in this article.

Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao

How to Prioritize Your Mental Health in an Uncertain Economy

Posted on February 19, 2023June 15, 2023 by Victoria

How to Prioritize Your Mental Health in an Uncertain Economy

During times of economic uncertainty, such as the current recession, it is hard not to feel stressed, anxious, and even depressed. In particular, more companies have layoffs, recent launching of ChatGPT may cause more job loss. Therefore, it is essential to prioritize your mental health. How can you manage your stress levels when a job loss is a possibility? What methods can you employ to lessen your anxiety and future worry? And how can you put emotional health and self-care first in the middle of a turbulent economy? In this post, we’ll look at how to prioritize your mental health amid tough economic circumstances and find the answers to these concerns.

Why You Don’t Prioritize your Mental Health

There are many reasons why you may not prioritize your mental health. Here are some possible reasons:

Stigma about Mental Health

There, unfortunately, is a lot of stigma about mental health still in this world. As mentioned in a previous article, mental health stigma can be very dangerous. The more stigma there is, the more you don’t feel comfortable discussing your mental health. You may not even discuss, let alone prioritizing your mental health.

For example, there are many stigmas surrounding depression. Many people think of depressed people as lazy people who can’t get over things or get their life together. They don’t see how people who are dealing with depression are really struggling in life. Their depression can make them feel more lethargic, unmotivated, and sad about life; this can make it extremely hard for people to put themselves out there and achieve what others expect of them. The stigma can lead to someone struggling a lot and lacking support in their lives.

Taking Care of Others

You may not prioritize your mental health simply because you are too busy caring for others. For example, many parents or caregivers might put their mental health on the back burner because they have to take care of their kids or loved ones.

Work is Your Priority

You may feel like you are too busy to sit down and prioritize your mental health. As a matter of fact, you may have a very demanding job and find it hard to take time off to care for your mental health. Or, you may be a student, actually it can also feel like a full-time job. Students are so busy studying and trying to do well on exams that addressing their mental health diminishes their study time.

Lack of Self-Worth or Value

If you happen to have low self-esteem, you may not feel the need to prioritize your mental health. If you don’t value yourself or your worth, you may find it hard to take your needs seriously. You may be really struggling with your anxiety or depression, but you can’t find it in yourself to fix these things. This lack of self-worth can stem from your mental issues, and addressing them may help you feel better and find more worth in yourself.

How to Prioritize Your Mental Health in an Uncertain Economy

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions in Times of Uncertainty

In uncertain times, it’s normal to feel concerned, apprehensive, or worried; it’s vital to recognize and validate these sentiments. Spend some time checking in with yourself to see what feelings you are going through. Then, think about coping mechanisms you may employ, such as speaking with someone you trust.

You may be concerned that your emotions make you weak or fragile. This idea, however, is untrue! Showing your emotions and having the courage to be vulnerable is a powerful and brave thing to do. We all have emotions. Embracing your feelings helps you deal with them, especially the difficult ones. It only makes things worse when you push them aside and pretend they aren’t happening or suppress or voice your emotions. Embracing your feelings allows you to face things that scare you.

Journaling to Express your Emotions

As we all know, Journaling is a great way to express and explore your thoughts and feelings. One benefit is that journaling helps you to discover yourself. When you write out your thoughts and visualize them in front of you, it helps you dig deeper into yourself and learn new things about yourself. Here are some helpful journal prompts:

How am I feeling today?
When do you feel the happiest?
What is something you do to make other people happy, but it makes you miserable?
Name three things you love about yourself

Creative writing helps people feel more self-aware and confident. It also is just a really fun activity to take part in. You can be as imaginative and innovative as you’d like. Of course, it is a wonderful way to prioritize your mental health.

2. Prioritize Your Mental Health by Enhancing Self-Care

Self-care is critical at all times, but uncertain times can make it much more so. Ensure that you are attending to your basic needs, such as getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and exercising. To aid in reducing stress and fostering wellbeing, think about adopting additional self-care techniques like yoga, meditation, or going outside. Indeed, various hobbies help you to improve your mental health!

3. Lean on your support systems

In particular during times of stress and uncertainty, social support is essential for maintaining mental health. Social support helps people feel supported in tough times. Go to a loved one to vent to and receive support from. We feel seen and heard when we connect with people who share similar experiences as us. Try talking with a friend who understands what you are going through.

As we all know, social support is critical for people to have. It promotes feelings of safety and comfort in those who need it most. When you need help and support, it’s okay to ask for it! You don’t have to do this alone and deserve to have time for yourself to recharge and take care of your mental health. If you’re feeling particularly overwhelmed, think about joining a support group or speaking with a mental health expert.

4. Develop Mindfulness

You may be present and focused in the present by practicing mindfulness, which can be very useful when faced with uncertainty. Think about include mindfulness exercises like deep breathing exercises, meditation, or visualization techniques in your everyday routine. These techniques can aid in calming the mind and reducing anxiety.

5. Establish a Work-Life Balance

If you are someone who works a lot, you are probably familiar with a work/daily schedule. Here is an idea…try implementing or scheduling in time to relax and take breaks. Stick to this scheduled time and don’t deviate from it- you deserve to get time off of work to relax and do things you enjoy. Watch an episode of your favorite show every night, listen to music you enjoy on your way to work, or plan a dinner that makes you excited to go home and eat it!

If you need, have a mental health day! A mental health day is a day where you dedicate yourself to caring for your well-being. This day allows you to recuperate and get back in touch with practices that improve your mental health.

Taking care of your mental health is vital to living a healthy and happy life. Work and school take up much of our time and can drain us completely. Burnout is real! Researchers share that burnt-out people face intense exhaustion, aversion to their job, and meaninglessness in their work.

6. Find Certainty in the Time of Uncertainty

Focus on What You Can Control

Even while there may be many factors outside your control in uncertain times, there are still certain things you may influence. Pay attention to these things, like your own thoughts and deeds, your daily schedule, and your interactions with other people. You can give your life a sense of security and certainty by concentrating on the things you can control.

Have Structure and Routine

It can be beneficial to establish structure and routine in your life during uncertain times. This can give you a sense of stability and greater control. Create a schedule for yourself that includes regular times for work or school, self-care, and time with family.

Limit your Exposure to Media

In times of uncertainty, it’s critical to keep informed, but too much exposure to the news and media coverage can be debilitating. For example, too much exposure to media about how ChatGPT could take over jobs could heighten feelings of apprehension and doubt. To lessen tension and anxiety, it is essential to stay informed through trustworthy sources while limiting your time spent on news and social media.

Plan for the Future

Even while making plans for the future might be challenging in uncertain times, having a feeling of direction and purpose can be beneficial. Think about making a plan to reach your personal and professional objectives and setting them for yourself. This is another good way to prioritize your mental healthy, that is, it ultimately provides you a sense of structure and stability, as well as more control.

7. Try Therapy to Prioritize Your Mental Health

If you notice that you’ve been continuously struggling in life, you should consider going to therapy. Therapy can help you find tools to build self-esteem, manage stress better and deal with any feelings of sadness or depression.

My team at Mind Connections wants to support you to prioritize your mental health in the trying time! We provide coaching that helps people healthily achieve success and goals in the new year. You deserve to live a happier and healthier life. Call us now to learn more!

Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao

How to Deal With Empty Nest Syndrome

Posted on December 15, 2022June 15, 2023 by Victoria

Did your child leave for college or move out? Finding it hard to deal with empty nest syndrome? Like other parents, your life has probably revolved around your kids the day they were born. Now that they grew up and left you, it can be hard to picture your life without them in your house. If you are having difficulty dealing with this transition, it may be important to recognize the stages, the issues, and learn to overcome empty nest syndrome.

What Made Your Nest Empty

Your nest can be empty for many different reasons. Going to college is probably the number one reason. Your child may be moving out or moving on with life, typically they may move into their first apartment or house with a roommate or partner or entering this next chapter alone. In other instances, your child may be traveling or studying abroad for some time. Or your child left because of a huge fight or disagreement neither of you could resolve. Yet the most devastating situation is the passing of a child. Such loss could make the empty nest torturous to stay.

Stages of Empty Nest Syndrome

No matter why your child has left your nest, you are probably dealing with empty nest syndrome. Your child leaving home can feel like you are grieving a loss in your home. As mentioned in our past article, in times of significant loss, Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross says that people go through 5 stages of grief. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. People may deal with empty nest syndrome symptoms during these grief stages.

Empty Nest Syndrome Symptoms in the Grief Stages

Denial:

You might feel like you are in denial that your child is old enough to leave the house, go to college, get married, etc. You are thinking, where did the time go?! How is it possible that we are at this stage in our lives? If you lost a child, you might deny that they are gone.

Anger:

You might feel angry. Especially if your child left your house because of an argument, you are probably still hurt or upset over this exchange. You may be mad at yourself for letting this happen or for being unable to stop the situation from worsening. You also might feel angry at yourself for feeling upset at a time that should be happy, like your child’s start of college or wedding. If your child has passed, you may be angry that they were taken from you so young and robbed of living their life.

Bargaining:

In the bargaining stage of grief, many people pled with a higher power to change their situation. Many people who lost a child may wish to trade places with their child or pray for a miracle to bring them back.

Depression:

As you look at the room your child once occupied, you may have feelings of sadness and loneliness. Empty nest syndrome and depression can go hand in hand. You may feel lost about your plan moving forward; you are so used to caring for your child, and now you have to figure out your next step.

Acceptance:

In the final stage of this process, you will detach or resign from this grief; this doesn’t mean you will not miss your child anymore. In reality, you are just trying to move on with your life and find inner peace once more.

Unique Stages of Empty Nest Syndrome

Constant Checking-In:

When your child moves away from you, you may feel inclined to check in constantly with them. You want to ensure they are doing okay, so you contact them through text messages, phone calls, or video chats.

Facing Loneliness or Boredom:

Having a close relationship with your children is wonderful; however, the closer you are, the harder it may feel when you eventually separate from them. You and your child may have had fun doing everything together: shopping, going on adventures, cooking, or even just enjoying each other’s company by being together. You may feel bored or lonely when your child has left the nest.

Finding Joy:

Alternatively, you may find that you enjoy your life after your child leaves the nest. You love your child, but enjoy your new-found free time from them. Some people may make you feel guilty for feeling this way and make you feel “parent guilt.”

How to Deal With Empty Nest Syndrome

Coping with empty nest syndrome is a part of life when you may redefine your own identity. You may be dealing with both empty nest syndrome and midlife crisis or relationships all at the same time. It is time to explore your own needs and find other joys in life.

1. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions

When your child leaves the nest, you might be going through an array of emotions. As mentioned before, you may go through grief or mourning stages. Don’t be afraid to explore these emotions and allow yourself to feel what you need to feel.

For instance, you can explore your emotions through journaling and writing down what is going on in your mind. These words may feel too intimidating or upsetting to say out loud, so you can channel them onto paper. You can also vent to a trusted friend and lean on support. Talk with loved ones about what you are experiencing and be open to their comfort or advice. Research shows that viewing art helps people lower stress levels. Creating art also has many advantages. Getting artistic can help people better process their emotions.

2. Get in Touch With Yourself Again

As a parent, you may put your heart and soul into raising your child. After years of dedication, you might have lost touch with your inner dreams and goals. Think to yourself: Who am I? What do I want out of life? What do I plan for this next chapter in my life? You may want to find empty nest syndrome self-care tips. Do you want to:

Travel?
Practice a new hobby?
Make new friends?
Finish a goal you put on hold while raising your kids?
Redecorate the house?

Write down some goals or list plans you’d like to make. You could also make a vision board – a vision board is a fun way to visualize what you want in the future to happen. People take all different types of photos and make a collage depicting what they aim for their future to look like.

3. Improve Your Relationship With Your Partner

Empty nest syndrome and relationships can be tricky but important to address. You and your partner may decide to work on your relationship now that you have an empty nest. For instance, you can take this time to travel together or accomplish plans you both always wanted to do with one another. In fact, having an empty nest may make you and your partner see different sides of each other. You will find out what your relationship is like now that your kids are grown up.

4. Build Strong Relationships with Your Adult Children

One of the key elements to overcome Empty Nest Syndrome is to maintain strong relationships with your adult children. Specifically, set up regular video calls, text, or visit them if possible. Learning to adapt to a different relationship dynamic with your children now that they have left. Investing time in your relationships can help you feel more connected and fulfilled.

5. Work on Your Friendships – New and Old

You may now have more free time to invest in your friendships with people. For example, you can use this time to meet up with old friends you’ve lost touch with, plan trips with your friend group, or even make new friends. Simply make new friends by joining teams, clubs, or groups! Like what you did in your earlier years, join a romance book club or a sports team!

6. Join an Empty Nest Syndrome Support Group

As a matter of fact, other parents are going through the same feelings you are with your empty nest! Be open to join an empty nest syndrome support group with people who can help you feel understood and supported at this time.

As we all know, a social support system is essential to a happy and healthy life for most people. Even if you just have one friend you feel understands you, it can make a world of difference in your life. A support group provides a place where people can share personal stories, express emotions, and be heard. That is, support groups foster an atmosphere of acceptance, understanding, and encouragement. Together, group members learn to solve problems and cope with various issues in life. Without a doubt, healing and growth happens when a group of people come together and just listen to each other.

7. Seek Professional Help

If you are struggling with your empty nest, know that you are not alone and support is out there for you! Therapy can help you find ways to cope healthily with your emotions, grieve, explore yourself, and navigate this new chapter of your life!

You and your partner can also explore couples therapy. Couple’s Counseling can help you and your partner communicate better. A couple’s counselor is a third party who can provide an unbiased opinion on the situation. They can also teach you skills to communicate better and understand each other.

June Cao and the Mind Connections team want to help you; call now!

Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao

How To Move On From An Ex

Posted on June 23, 2022June 15, 2023 by Victoria

Are you going through a breakup or end of a relationship?
Do you want to move on from an ex and get on with the rest of your life?
Ever wonder how to get over an ex you still love?

Love can truly be amazing! Relationships can bring out the best in each partner and can be a wonderful experience. However, when relationships turn sour, it can be very stressful to deal with. Some problems can resolve, and the couple will strengthen their bond, while others can be fatal to the union. Now your relationship turned into a breakup, and you’re wondering how to move on from an ex! This article will help you find ways to cope with your breakup and make peace with your situation in order to move on.

Should I Move On From An Ex Or Should I Wait?

Take yourself back to the time you were in the relationship. How do you think the relationship was overall? When is it time to break up? Your relationship may have been toxic. You and your partner fought all the time, had trust issues, jealousy problems, etc. The honeymoon phases soon turned into a nightmare sequence, and it felt like a battle every day for you two to get along or not fight.

On the other hand, you may actually look back with fondness on your relationship. Not all people break up because the relationship was toxic – sometimes you may love the person, but it just doesn’t work out. These situations can sometimes feel harder to get over. When you leave a toxic situation you mostly feel relieved and happy you don’t have to deal with the unhealthy relationship anymore. But what if the situation wasn’t unhealthy? What if you both cared for one another, but life got in the way of your plans?

What are the signs you should move on?

Your partner has moved on and started a new relationship;
You have been trying to get them back for a long time and it didn’t work;
Your partner has been distant and does not want to communicate with you;
You are only remembering the good times and choosing to ignore the reason why you broke up;
Being in a relationship seems to be your goal, rather than being in a healthy relationship with the right person.

Moving-on May Take Some Time

Any journey you take has its own timeline to follow. Healing can take time, and you may not be over your ex for longer than you’d like – and that is okay! You need to give yourself time to move on from your ex and let go of the relationship you once had. Each relationship contains its own dreams and ideals that went into it – you may have thought you were going to marry or start a life with your past partner.

With this being said, you might need time to grieve the loss of the relationship you once believed in.

How To Move On From An Ex?

1. Allow Yourself Time To Grieve

As mentioned before, grieving may need to occur for you to move on from an ex. In times of major loss in life, Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross says that people go through 5 stages of grief. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You may be able to relate to some or all of these stages of grieving your relationship.

You may have:

Denial over the relationship ending, your partner leaving, or the fact that you are not going to get back together.
Anger over unresolved issues or lack of closure. Your partner might have broken your trust or let you down, and you feel upset about this betrayal. You may feel like your partner gave up and didn’t fight as hard as you – this all makes you mad!
Tried bargaining – you try to convince your ex you should get back together or pray to a higher power to help your relationship find its way to healing.
Depression over the sadness that comes with a breakup. Breaking up can be emotionally and physically draining. You may stay up night because you keep crying. You now are losing sleep and feeling sad/ fatigued constantly.

2. Accept That the Breakup Happened

The final stage of grief is acceptance. After you g through the motions of the grieving process, you will eventually find your way to accepting of what has happened. As mentioned before, this process may take time so don’t beat yourself up if you struggle or fall back into old habits or stages.

When you finally can accept the breakup and that you shouldn’t get back together, moving on will happen more easily.

3. Identify the Main Issues

The relationship you may have had some wonderful times. You and your partner may have made many great memories together. However, don’t be fully blinded by the good times – there has to be some reason that you and your partner didn’t work out. Check out our other article about what makes a healthy relationship – if your relationship was not like anything mentioned in the article, it is better that you both split.

Identify these issues. If you have to, write them down in a list or journal to remember them. Remembering the reasons why you ultimately didn’t work out with this person can help you see that this relationship was not meant to be and move on.

4. Detach, Disconnect, and Detox

When in doubt, follow the DDD method. First, detach from this person. It can be challenging to move on from someone you constantly are with or see. In this case, put space between the two of you and distance yourselves – this space will give you time to remember and get back to how life was like without this person. This detachment can take place literally and/or a virtually – aka unfollowing or muting the person’s accounts.

There are sometimes when it is hard to get space from someone, even after a breakup. This problem can be due to having the same friend group or even having to co-parent children you share. In these scenarios, try your best to set healthy boundaries between you and this person to disconnect.

Detoxing this person from your life means getting rid of the things that may remind you of them. You may be a sentimental person who likes to hold on to things that have meaning. If you can do so in a healthy way, that is great! However, other people may struggle to do the same. A t-shirt or promise ring may make them feel sad every time they look at the object. In these cases, detox the stuff from your life. Give your ex back their things, donate the stuff to charity, or just throw it out! Do what feels right for you!

5. Lean on Support

In times when we struggle, it is important to lean on our support systems. If you are struggling with learning how to move on from an ex, go to the people around you who love you. Ask them for advice and if you can vent any worries, frustrations, or concerns to them. You never need to suffer alone, and you deserve to be comforted in difficult times!

6. Take Time To Focus on Yourself and Heal

Many times, especially in all-consuming relationships, people can lose who they once were. After a breakup, the person may not even recognize themselves or remember who they really are. Get back in touch with your inner, truest self. Start doing things you like again, following your passions, and enjoying your company. Take time to see who you are and even explore new parts of you that you didn’t even realize were there!

The era after a breakup is a great time to work on bettering yourself. Practice self-care and prioritize your needs. Be patient with yourself and have self-compassion in times when you stumble or mess up (we all might do silly things after a breakup). Many times after a breakup, someone’s self-esteem lessened. Work on building yourself back up – remind yourself of how great you are and what you deserve in life!

Also, take time to look back on the relationship and see what you can learn from it all. Identify what changes you can make moving forward or how you want your future relationships to go. When you feel ready, try opening yourself up to dating again and seeing what else is out there. Keep in mind, you don’t need to date again until you are fully ready to do so – in the meantime focus on prioritizing your healing journey.

7. Talk to a Therapist or Counselor

If you are struggling to move on from an ex, it is okay to reach out for support! Talking to a therapist can help you with any symptoms of depression or anxiety you are feeling over the split. A therapist can help you talk about your emotions with someone who understands and wants to help you, learn to cope with stressors, and start feeling like yourself again. Also, if you need help restoring your self-esteem, a therapist can help you gain back confidence back into your life. Call to set up a consultation today!

Tips for Young People to Overcome Burnout

Posted on April 4, 2022March 6, 2023 by junecao

Burnout effects are hitting young people extremely hard. We live in a society that promotes things like “hustle-culture” and the constant need to be productive. When taking a break or time for yourself, you start to worry about everything you are not doing and could be accomplishing. You look online and see all of your past classmates or new coworkers posting about all of their accomplishments. Social media is part of the stress that causes burnout. Research shows that social media can have a hand in promoting job burnout in people. It feels like you can never escape the pressures of working harder and harder – work-life balance seems unattainable at this point!

Do you relate to these ideas or worries? Are you a young person who wants to learn how to cope with and lessen burnout in your life? If so, keep reading!

What is Burnout and Burnout Effects?

The 5 Stages of Burnout

There are 5 known stages of burnout. According to and based on research, the stages are:

1. Honeymoon Phase

Have you ever entered a relationship with someone and felt like you were in a bit of a “love bubble?” People usually call this the honeymoon stage of a relationship – a time when you have excitement for the relationship and everything seems almost “perfect.” The same can happen in a new job.

When starting a new job, everything may seem good at first – the co-workers are friendly, the boss is pretty accommodating, and the work appears manageable. The more you stick around; your rose-colored glasses become more transparent. You may start noticing things you dislike about the job, work stacking up, or under-appreciation beginning to form. These things may have been there all along, but you didn’t due to all of your new excitement.

2. Stress Onset

The honeymoon phase feeling is disappearing in this stage and is now replaced with tons of stress. You start feeling more and more over-worked and unhappy. Due to the influx of work, you may not be sleeping. Lack of sleep starts affecting you at work by making you feel listless. It becomes hard to focus, and you may begin to forget things more and more. The burnout effects are slowly creeping in!

3. Chronic stress

In this stage, your stress starts consuming you more and more. You feel like things are getting harder to manage and stay afloat with. This stage of burnout effects can really begin to affect your physical and mental health negatively. Your emotions may feel more EXTREME. You are not just tired; you’re exhausted. You are not just annoyed about the work; you are angry!

Your life outside of work can begin to take a toll. You have no energy to socialize like once before because you feel drained. It’s a catch-22: Your state of being starts affects your work negatively, and your work negatively affects your state of being. All of this feels horrible!

Lack of appreciation or respect at work can make you feel not good enough or unworthy. You wonder if all this work is worth it?

4. Burnout

In this stage, the burnout effects truly infiltrates your life and becomes severe. The weight of all the work stressors feels like they’re crushing you. You may start feeling hopeless, horrible about yourself, void of self-esteem, and unmotivated to even get out of bed.

People start becoming used to burnout and may feel like they are stuck in this vicious cycle.

5. Habitual Burnout

This stage is the fifth stage of burnout – it focuses on the long-term effects of burnout that follow you each day. Burnout becomes your state of being and your “new “normal.“In this stage, the harm of burnout becomes more apparent, and the person may need to look for support to help them.

Negative Burnout Effects for Young People’s Mental Health

Burnout Effects vs. Depression vs. Anxiety

As mentioned before, people who feel the burnout effects start feeling really down about themselves and life. Burnout causes stress that can become chronic and ever-present in someone’s days. The overload of work causes intense pressure – the person is either stressing about getting the work done or stressing that they couldn’t complete their tasks.

When they are running behind on work, the worker feels terrible about themselves. They feel inadequate and like they are not good enough to work their job. Also, the lack of appreciation from their bosses or co-workers can cause them to feel like their hard work and efforts are seemingly pointless. The burnout effects make life harder and harder!

Research shows that burnout, depression, and anxiety are separate but “share common characteristics, and they probably develop in tandem.”

Depression Symptoms:

Feeling sad, lonely, helpless, and hopeless
Feeling empty and unfulfilled
Having bad sleeping habits – you find that you sleep too much or not enough
Weight loss or weight gain – you appetite is being affected
Not enjoying you passions or interests anymore
Irritability and agitation
Struggles with concentrating, remembering, or decision making
Feelings of fatigue
Experiences of guilt or worthlessness
Thoughts surrounding suicide or death

Anxiety Symptoms:

Constant and excessive worry
Worrying is apparent in more days than not
Worries have been consistent for the past 6 months
It is hard for you to control your worrying
Physical symptoms such as restlessness, tiredness, irritability, muscle tension, trouble concentrating, or trouble sleeping
The worries are negatively impacting multiple parts of your life: like at school, work, in your social life, etc.

Burnout Symptoms:

Feelings of under-appreciation fill your mind
Lack of or no motivation
Listlessness
Finding it hard to focus and pay attention
Dealing with constant stress and worries surrounding work and life
No work-life balance
Limited socialization
Hopelessness and indifference in life
Lack of sleep and feelings of exhaustion
Irritability, anger, and frustration especially when at work

Young People and Burnout

People can experience burnout for many different reasons throughout their young adulthood. People in their early twenties face pressure graduating college, trying to find a job, and keeping up with their social/dating life.

Romantic relationships take work, and there are stressors that couples can face together. If you are in a relationship and you don’t feel securely connected to this person, you may fear that cheating will take place or trust will be broken. Arguing a lot or communicating poorly can cause a lot of stress in couples. Also, ideas of the future, plans for what is to come, and other people’s projected opinions can cause couples to feel burnout

How to Overcome Burnout for Young People

How to Reduce Burnout as College Students

1. Work Smarter

If you feel burnout from your schoolwork, try to create healthy work/study habits. These habits can help you feel more organized and prepared for homework and test you have. Some suggestions can be:

Keeping a calendar of all the due dates you have coming up
Buying a planner and organizer to be more prepared and pay attention to details
Setting time aside to study each day. By studying a little each day, it can prevent from the need to cram before a test
Finding what study/work method works for you: if you are someone who visually learns, try watching videos to prepare or draw out diagrams. If you are more of an auditory learner, try listening to the audiobooks of your textbooks or assigned reading

2. Ask for Help

Don’t be afraid to go to your teacher or professor for help. There is no shame in asking for guidance, clarification, or even an extension. If you feel uncomfortable going to them in person, try emailing them or speaking to them after school. If you are a college student, try to go to your professor’s office hours and schedule an appointment to see them.

Tutoring is also a valuable option for you if you need more help. Tutors are people who took the class already and have the knowledge to share with you any tips and tricks they may have. Signing up for tutoring helps you ask questions to someone you may feel more comfortable speaking to rather than a teacher or professor.

3. Lean on Other Students

All the other students in your class are probably experiencing similar or the same stress you are when it comes to school. Try to lean on each other for support and go to each other when you need help. Organizing study groups is a great way to socialize and get your work done and learn.

4. Talk to a Counselor

If you feel like the stress of school is getting to you, try to speak to a counselor at school or on campus. There should be a guidance counselor there to help you with any problems you may have with school at school. Also, many colleges have mental health professionals on campus that can help you feel about specific issues if you are on a college campus.

5. Realize That You Are Worth More Than Your Grades

You need to realize that you are worth more than a grade on a test or paper. Your mental health is more important than your schoolwork, even if that is hard to believe. Students get so consumed with their work and feel like it means everything in their life. You are worth so much more than a grade on a paper – it doesn’t define you!

How to Cope with Burnout as Young Professionals

1. Realize That You are More Than Your Job

It can be challenging to find a job, especially since the pandemic. The stress of finding a job can be challenging to deal with. You may go through multiple rounds of interviews and feel stressed out from these experiences; only you did not receive the job. Logging on to websites, writing cover letter after cover letter, applying for jobs, getting ghosted, or being rejected is hurtful and stressful. Remember to keep your head up and know that your hard work in getting a job matters. Even if no one else can see how hard you’re working, you deserve to be proud of your efforts. You are more than your job description or title!

2. Follow Your Own Time-Line

Your life is going at its own pace and path. Remember that you are special, and no one else can be you. If you see people around you getting married or having kids, don’t worry! If you want these things, it will happen in its own time for you. You can live your life any way you want! Even if you don’t want kids, I want to be single and travel the world; that is okay! Do what makes you feel happy and fulfilled!

How to Reduce Burnout for Young Couples

Communication Skills

One of the most significant issues we face in life and relationships is communication issues. Think of how many times you were watching a movie, and the entire problem of the episode is centered around a miscommunication or misunderstanding.

As a couple, try your best to work on good communication skills. Some ways to do so are, to be honest with each other and validate each other’s feelings. Allow yourself to listen to your partner’s concerns and let them know that you hear what they are saying and appreciate them opening up to you.

If the situation starts getting heavy and you both start getting heated, it is okay to take some time apart to think about things and recharge. We can say many things that we possibly don’t even mean in the heat of the moment.

Try Couples Counseling

If a problem is consistently causing you and your partner stress, counseling might be able to help you! Going to a therapist can help you and your partner have your needs met, have your voice heard, and have the opinion of a third party on your situation. A therapist can help you communicate better and find ways to strengthen your relationship. In couples counseling, you can deal with some of the stressors you may be facing.

General Burnout Coping Tips

Do activities that help you de-stress
- Mindfulness practices: meditation, mindful walks, mindful eating
- Yoga and stretching
- Use Essential oils to relax
- Practice self-care
- Spend time in nature or with animals
Make an effort to maintain work-life balance
- Don’t look at your work emails over the weekend
- Take time to engage in something you like doing after work like a hobby or watching your favorite show
- Prioritize seeing your loved ones, going out, date nights, etc.
- Don’t be afraid to say no and stop people-pleasing at work: i.e. “I’m sorry, but I can’t take on that extra task right now in my schedule..”
Take care of your body
- Make sure you are sleeping enough, filling your body with nutritious food, drinking plenty of water
Build self-esteem
- If you don’t feel appreciated at work, remind yourself how proud you are of all your efforts! Motivate yourself and remind yourself how important and worthy you are
- Practice positive affirmations: i.e. I am worthy, I am strong…
Lean on support
- Look to people who make you feel happy and lift your spirits! You deserve to be reminded of how great you are by the people who care about and know you the best!
Consider Therapy
- A therapist can help you manage your stress better and live a happier/healthier life. Therapy can give you the tools to handle work-stress better, implement mindfulness techniques, build self-esteem, improve your relationships, and foster more hope about life!

How to Deal with Pandemic Stress During Omicron

Posted on February 4, 2022March 6, 2023 by Victoria

We are in the second year of this pandemic. Can you believe that it has been two years since COVID took over our lives and the world? This may be a difficult time for you and you may be experiencing pandemic stress – please know that you are not alone. Recent studies show that 47% of people reported feeling stressed amongst other difficult emotions.

We are living through a worldwide pandemic – who would have ever thought this would have happened? Sometimes, it feels like we are living in a chapter of a history textbook. The positive side of that perspective is that, just like we have read in history textbooks, different generations of people survived challenging times and eventually moved ahead to a new chapter. The world’s future is unknown for now; we need to take things day by day. This, however, doesn’t invalidate any of the stress you may be feeling. This article can help you deal with this stress and hopefully make you feel a little bit safer in these challenging times.

What the Pandemic Has Done to the World:

Unfortunately, it may be hard to remember a time before COVID. It has affected so many parts of our day and has changed how we live our lives. It can be jarring when you look back at old pictures and see how you used to live. There may be many times when you look back on a photo and think to yourself, “I can’t believe I wasn’t wearing a mask!” We are now very accustomed to wearing masks and keeping our distance from people.

Let’s Explore Some of the Other Ways the Pandemic Has Affected This World:

Distanced Us from Other People and Increased Isolation

The phrase “six feet apart” has infiltrated our lives. You may see this phrase on signs, placemats on the floor, or instructions. The distance you may feel is not only shown in this measurement; it is also evident in our lives in many different ways. The pandemic might have distanced you from the people you love.

You may not see your friends or family often in fear of getting sick. You may be fearful that you will expose your older relatives and, for example, haven’t seen your grandma in over a year. COVID has promoted significant isolation in people. People report feeling lonely and scared during these times. Especially with remote work and school, it is hard to meet people nowadays. Kids who go to school online may feel isolated from their friends and find it hard to make connections.

If you work remotely, you may have never even met your co-workers! It is all very isolating and makes it hard for us as social beings to navigate this world.

Created a Division in Our Society

This world feels divided in so many ways already, and the pandemic has only made it worse. You may know people who have strong beliefs on how to handle the pandemic – you either disagree or agree with them. People’s differing beliefs and actions during this pandemic have caused strife amongst us. You may have a friend that doesn’t believe in wearing a mask or getting vaccinated, and you may think the complete opposite. These vast differences cause people to argue, lose touch, and could even ruin their relationship altogether. In a study from 2021, 88% of Americans reported feeling like their nation was divided, even more than before the pandemic.

Made us Fear Doing Mundane Tasks

It’s crazy to think that we could go to the store or go to the movies without even a second thought a few years ago. Now to do such mundane tasks, there is a lingering thought of, “Will I get sick when I go out?”

People are fearful when doing things that would have seemed so simple before 2020. Some people have become afraid of leaving their house because even the slightest task may make them fearful of getting sick. Agoraphobia might occur in people with this constant stress. These people fear that something terrible will happen to them when they are not in the comfort and security of their own homes.

Prevented Us From Living Our Lives

People who enjoy concerts, festivals, or packed events might feel like they cannot safely do that anymore. If you consider yourself adventurous, you might struggle a lot during this pandemic. Concerts have been delayed or canceled, traveling seems impossible, and you may fear going to crowded spaces because of COVID. Many people, especially teens or people in their early twenties, fear that they are wasting their “golden years.” It can be hard to feel like you aren’t missing out on important milestones when this pandemic is taking over.

Cause Immeasurable Loss in Our Lives

The pandemic may have created loss in your life in many ways. People have become unemployed from the pandemic and have been laid off. So many places like hospitals and schools are understaffed. This causes people who work at these understaffed places to take on an increased workload and face immense stress. This stress can cause burnout and people to question if they can even do their job anymore. It feels like they have to choose between making a living or ensuring their wellbeing.

The pandemic may have also taken loved ones from you. COVID may have affected your loved ones and caused them to pass away. This loss may be challenging for you to deal with and makes you extremely upset during these times. Even if COVID has not taken a close loved one from you, it has likely affected so many people you know.

Ways to Deal with Pandemic Stress

First, Check-in With Yourself Daily

It can be hard to navigate immense pandemic stress and challenging times. Make sure that you check in with yourself and see how you feel each day. Some days, you may feel more hopeful and happy in life, and there may be other times when you feel discouraged and sad.

Know that your emotions are valid, and you should embrace them instead of ignoring them. Try journaling about how you feel and making a note of which days are harder than others. When you have a bad day, you can look back on the days that you were happy and find hope that you will feel this way again.

Second, Do Things That Make You Happy

If you check in with yourself and feel upset, try to do something that’ll make you happy. Think about what you enjoy doing. You may enjoy watching a particular show or movie. There may be an album that always brings a smile to your face or gives you a sense of calmness. A hobby can be a great way to release your thoughts and immerse yourself in a creative project.

Another way you can make yourself happy and avoid pandemic stress is by reaching out to people. Social support and finding someone that you can rely on is a healthy way to deal with stress during the pain.

Third, Lean on social support

As mentioned in the prior section, social support is critical during this time. In an age where people feel very isolated and alone, it is essential to rely on people you can trust. You may be fearful of seeing others and feel more comfortable at home, but this does not have to prevent you from socializing. Try implementing Zoom or FaceTime calls with people. You can text your friends and send each other fun videos or pictures.

There are also apps where you can meet people and make new connections. Another way to do so is by joining a new club or class. If you don’t want to go in person, many organizations meet online and do virtual meetings.

Fourth, Turn to Mindfulness in Times of Stress

Mindfulness helps people find peace when experiencing pandemic stress or anxiety. You can practice mindfulness by:

Doing a guided meditation video
Practicing yoga or stretching
Completing a breathing exercise
Taking part in a guided imagery exercise

Mindfulness can also be practiced through accepting your situation. Living through COVID is not ideal and can be very difficult. However, learning to accept these times and this period of your life can help you find peace. Once you feel calmer, you can focus on ways to improve your situation.

Fifth, Encourage Yourself to Get Through Pandemic Stress

Remember: You have survived 100% of your worst days! Remember this when you feel down. Even in the worst moments of your life, you have been able to push through and be where you are today. You have resilience and strength living in you! Try to remind yourself that these times will pass, and you will feel hope and optimism once more.

Ways to Encourage Yourself:

Recite positive affirmations; positive affirmations can help you feel good about yourself and life. These affirmations are ways to attract things you want in your life and promote positivity inside of you.
- You can say: I am…calm, safe, happy with the connections I have in my life, going towards the right direction, facing my fears, etc.
Get inspired by people from the past: you can encourage yourself by thinking about the past generations. There have been many periods in history that were hard for people to deal with, for example, the Great Depression. You may have grandparents or great-grandparents that lived through this time. This was a time when people were very sad and absent of hope. Seeing people get through these challenging times can motivate you to do the same.
- If you are fortunate enough to have some of these relatives alive still, go to them for advice or guidance
- Remember that we are resilient, and humans can adapt to way more than you think. Rely on strength from your ancestors, and remember that they are rooting you on!

Sixty, Don’t Do Things that Make You Uncomfortable

There have been many ups and downs during this pandemic. When there is a surge in cases, you may feel even more stress than usual. This can cause you to avoid going out to crowded places or doing certain activities. Check-in with yourself, as mentioned before, and see how you are feeling. If you feel like you don’t feel safe and a specific plan would cause you anxiety, don’t feel obligated to do it. If someone is peer pressuring you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, that is not okay! Listen to your intuition and honor your comfort level. Your boundaries matter, and you deserve to feel safe! If you decide to go out, try to be safe by wearing your mask and keeping your distance.

Seventh, Consider Going to Therapy for Pandemic Stress

Unfortunately, many people are experiencing depression and pandemic stress during these years. You do not deserve to struggle alone! A therapist can help you get through these times, provide support, and guide you in finding hope once again. Our team of therapists would love to help you! Our team will help you with depression, anxiety, self-esteem, and any other problems you may be facing.