Asian Women Support Each Other

asian women group

Asian Women Support Group: Women Help Women

  • How doe it feel to be an Asian woman in American society?
  • Have you ever struggled because of your race, ethnicity, gender, and cultural identity?
  • How do you handle work and personal life at the same time?
  • How do you feel safe and comfortable in relationships?

We are going to create a fantastic group to discuss all these issues that concern you. Let’s get together and support each other!

  • 作为一个亚裔女性是一种怎样的体验?
  • 你是否曾经因为自己的种族或者性别在工作场合遭受歧视或不公?
  • 工作和生活之间如何获得平衡?
  • 你是否在亲密关系中感到安全和舒适?

我们将主持一个亚裔女性支持性小组。让我们的声音被听见。彼此支持,相互倾听。聊一聊生活中面临的机遇和挑战!期待你的参与!

Session Content

Session 1: Intro, As an Asian Woman in the States

How does our racial identity shape who we are?

Discrimination & Microaggressions

Session 2: Women in Working Places

Session 3: Multiple Roles We play Vs Self-image

Session 4: Emotions

How do negative emotions make positive impact on us?

Cope with stress and anger

Session 5: Eating and Body Positivity

Session 6: Self-compassion

What’s self-compassion?

Create your inner coping strategies

Session 7: Relationships with Original Family

Attachment & differentiation

Session 8: Relationships

What’s love? (Triangle theory of love)

Define intimacy

Session 9: Identify what makes romantic relationships succeed

Session 10: Boundaries in Relationships

Session 11: Communication in intimate relationships

Session 12: Inner Child

A letter to your inner child

Session 13: Create our own by discussion

亚洲女性支持小组:Women Help Women

Session 1: 介绍,在美国社会作为一个亚裔女性是一种怎样的体验?

我们的种族文化背景如何塑造了我们?

我们所经历过的歧视

Session 2:职场压力

Session 3: 我们扮演的多种角色 Vs 自我形象

Session 4:认识我们的情绪

负面情绪的积极作用

Session 5:饮食和外貌焦虑

Session 6 : 自我关怀

什么是自我关怀?

创建我们自己的自我关怀清单

Session 7 : 原生家庭

童年经历如何塑造了我们的依恋类型

Session 8: 亲密关系

爱是什么?

定义亲密

Session 9 : 亲密关系成功的因素

Session 10:亲密关系中的边界

Session 11: 沟通在亲密关系中的作用

Session 12 : 你的内在小孩

给你的内在小孩的一封信

Session 13 :和小组成员共同制定

Asian Women Support Group: Girls Help Girls

Population: English speaking, women under 30

Session 1: Intro, As an Asian Woman in the States

How does our racial identity shape who we are?

Discrimination & Microaggressions

Session 2: Gender Bias

Sexuality Vs Gender

Session 3: Multiple Roles We play Vs Self-image

Session 4: Emotions

How do negative emotions make positive impact on us?

Cope with stress and anger

Session 5: Eating and Body Positivity

Session 6: Self-compassion

What’s self-compassion?

Create your inner coping strategies

Session 7: Relationships with Original Family

Attachment & differentiation

Session 8: Relationships

What’s love? (Triangle theory of love)

Define intimacy

Session 9: Identify what makes romantic relationships succeed

Session 10: Boundaries in Relationships

Session 11: Communication in intimate relationships

Session 12: Inner Child

A letter to your inner child

Session 13: Create our own by discussion

亚洲女性支持小组:Girls Help Girls (妹妹组)

适用人群:中文,年龄30以下

Session 1: 介绍,在美国社会作为一个亚裔女性是一种怎样的体验?

-我们的种族文化背景如何塑造了我们?

-我们所经历过的歧视

Session 2:性别偏见

Session 3: 我们扮演的多种角色 Vs 自我形象

Session 4:认识我们的情绪

-负面情绪的积极作用

Session 5:饮食和外貌焦虑

Session 6 : 自我关怀

-什么是自我关怀?

-创建我们自己的自我关怀清单

Session 7 : 原生家庭

-童年经历如何塑造了我们的依恋类型

Session 8: 亲密关系

-爱是什么?

-定义亲密

Session 9 : 亲密关系成功的因素

Session 10:亲密关系中的边界

Session 11: 沟通在亲密关系中的作用

Session 12 : 你的内在小孩

-给你的内在小孩的一封信

Session 13 :和小组成员共同制定

The Best Ways To Overcome Procrastination

Do you find yourself putting off day-to-day tasks? How often do you avoid doing the work that’s on your to-do list? Do you find yourself rushing before a deadline when you had days, or even weeks, to complete a task? You may be procrastinating and you are not alone. Procrastination is the thief of time and it steals from so many people. Simply look at the long line in any post office on the tax day, . 

Signs of Procrastination

What does procrastination mean? How do yo know you have procrastination? Below are typical signs:

  • Filling your day with low-priority tasks
  • Delaying important tasks on your to-do list
  • Beginning a task right before the due-date, when you had a lot of time in advance
  • Starting a task and immediately taking a break
  • Prioritizing tasks that seem “fun” instead of ones with high importance or close due dates
  • Waiting for the right mood to begin your to-do list
  • Shuffling your to-do list based on what you’ve accomplished by the end of the day

What is Procrastination?

Procrastination is the active process of choosing to delay tasks, especially while knowing that you will suffer as a result. Procrastination seems like a common thing people deal with every day, but it’s something that can interfere heavily with having a highly functional life. Putting off your tasks can result in having a heavy plate of duties and responsibilities piled up, and that can cause anybody a lot of anxiety, and even depressive thoughts. 

The core of procrastination

One of the main habits for people who procrastinate is having a long to-do list, checking off one or two items by the end of the day, and then shuffling it around as to move incomplete things to another day. In response to this, some people may say that it does not matter when the task gets done, as long as it gets done. But psychological researchers find a big issue with this, that is, they believe that if you shuffle tasks around based on what you did accomplish, it can cause real lack of progress. This is at the core of procrastination.

What does research say about procrastination?

In a study, researchers rated college students on procrastination and tracked their academic performance and general health. They found that initially, the students who procrastinated had lower levels of stress, since they swapped or put off tasks and assignments for more amusing activities. But in the end, they found that those same students performed worse academically, and reported higher levels of stress and illness. 

In the moment, procrastination may seem like the best answer to our solutions and a way for us to delay tasks that we don’t want to do in the moment. In the long term, doing this can result in even higher levels of stress than initially doing the tasks would have caused.

What Causes Procrastination?

The causes of procrastination could be related to many factors.

  • Perfectionism. 
  • Lack of motivation
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of criticism or negative feedback
  • Self-defeat tendency
  • Abstract or poorly defined goals
  • Rewards but in the far future
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • ADHD
  • Low self-esteem
  • Task aversion

To better manage procrastination, you need to learn why you procrastinate and how it affects you. Understanding the psychology of procrastination helps you to improve awareness of deeper issues rather than simply say improve your self-control. Many psychologists have found that procrastination has less to do with time management. Rather, it is about delaying a task while knowing the consequences of doing so. It can definitely help to use time in your schedule wisely to accomplish your tasks or assignments; however, a large focus should also be on managing emotions. This way, you can ensure that you are doing the things that work best for you

How to Overcome Procrastination?

Everyone has their own list of things that motivates them and allows them to be productive. therefore, you should make sure that what you’re doing works best for you specifically, even though they may not work for someone else. For one person, listening to music while trying to write an essay can be extremely helpful and allows them to focus. For others, complete silence may be the best way to tune into a single task. Try to experiment with new things every now and then to see what works best, and don’t get discouraged if one doesn’t work!procrastination

These are tips you can try for if you want to stop procrastination:

Making prioritized to-do lists.

Actually the to-do list is a to-do today list. It is preferable to make sure the most important tasks are done first. 

Creating an organized and effective personalized schedule

Create a schedule for what works best for you. In other words, have a spreadsheet of daily activity schedule,.The schedule should focus on specific tasks on each day. Better yet, highlight those you have accomplished for reward later.

Start with a small step.

When you start with a small step, it is easier for yourself to get over the initial hurdle of actually getting started. It is more likely to feel accomplished and more motivated to continue the rest of the task.

Don’t be afraid of imperfection 

Many people avoid or delay tasks when they either doubt their abilities or want to achieve perfection. It is important to understand that perfection actually does not exist in this world. To stop perfectionism, one way is to face the worst case scenario and figure out your solution; another is to adjust your standards to be more realistic; still other ways include self-talk strategies to 

Try to improve decision-making skills

You will likely put off a task if you cannot decide what to do, in fear of making the wrong decision. 

Commit to a task

When you leave too much time for a task, it is very likely that you will be distracted and procrastinate; By the same token, leaving too little time has similar effects, that is, too much stress to complete a task could lead to procrastination as well. Therefore, leave the right amount of time for a task. This way, when you start, you can finish it in a timely manner.

Split large tasks into smaller ones.

Large and difficult tasks could cause avoidance because it literarily suggests you should get it all done in one shot. Apparently that  is impossible, and hence stressful. When you can break the bigger tasks up, it helps to decrease that aversion. More specifically, each task should take no more than 60 minutes to complete.

Set up a reward.

Positive reinforcement helps with motivation. Once you finish a task, you can have your favorite ice cream or go out with friends.

Give yourself immediate consequences of procrastination.

Late consequences do not usually motivate people enough; however, it could be very different when you set immediate consequences. It becomes the earlier deadline and for example, the consequences could be your partner keep all your money to themselves if you do not finish your paper on that day.  

Have a procrastination buddy

You and a friend can support and check-up on each other to make sure you’re being productive! When you hold each other accountable, chances are you do not want to procrastinate and look bad in front of your friend.

How Can Therapy Help to Manage Procrastination?

Finding ways to stop procrastination can be an exhausting and challenging process, especially when you do it alone. Having a therapist can help you leave time in your week to talk about your personal challenges, such as doing your tasks. Better yet, you can even dedicate time to figure out a plan that works best for you. 

Taking care of your mental health can also be a big factor in the way you deal with prioritizing responsibilities. In particular, talking to a therapist can help you to figure out not only what works best for you but what allows you to be the most productive. In addition, therapy can help you to improve thinking patterns, adjust your mindset, and release emotions. More importantly, therapy can assist you to change procrastination and the way you prioritize the tasks in your schedule. 

If you are a student, finding counseling or wellness services in your school or on campus can also be beneficial for providing support. Besides, they can point you to other important resources. For others, there are different groups, support, buddy programs, and counseling services that can assist you to achieve your goal of reducing procrastination.

We Are Here to Help

If you find yourself procrastinating, plus, it has been interfering with your productivity and mental health, we are always here to help. Our procrastination specialists in New York provide therapy and counseling to ensure that you have the support you need. Our psychotherapists can offer psychological services in different languages, such as Chinese Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, and English. At the same time, we have a wealth of experience to deal with various challenges.  

For international students, we adopt the most favorable policy to help you declare insurance and alleviate your worries. Give us a call, the first 15 minutes are free or make an appointment for online counseling . Please let us help you through the difficulties together and welcome a more promising tomorrow.

Special thanks to the contribution of our intern Tammy Krikheli

Healing Asian Shame Related To COVID

how to deal with shame

Shame is a negative self-evaluation with roots in messages you receive from others. It typically comes up when you evaluate or criticize yourself harshly, often for things you do not have much control over. For example, a shameful self-talk could be

  • “I am bad”,
  • “It is my fault”, or
  • “I am worthless”

Shame could be closely related to illness such as COVID. After getting infected, people may perceive themselves as defective and powerless, triggering self-criticism toward the entire self with shameful thoughts of inferiority and weakness.  Certain community such as Asians and Pacific Islanders (AAPI) seem to feel more shame than others when facing COVID. Different reasons may explain the shame issue associated with COVID in the AAPI community. 

Asian Shame and Stigma with COVID

1. Social stigma and discrimination

The way that an illness is viewed by society affects how a person with that illness feels and behaves. HIV is an example of having shame and stigma associated with people who are infected as “threats”. In terms of COVID, it is viewed as something dangerous, shameful or contagious to others because of “your fault,” then it is not uncommon for people to have feelings of self-stigmatization and shame. 

2. Asian culture beliefs

Cultural factors may be another reason that the Asian community feel more shame. Shame often has a cultural component. How a person experiences shame and which experiences are likely to induce shame could be different in different cultures. In collectivist cultures in the Asian community, a person may experience shame due to someone else’s actions, that is, they feel they are responsible for other people of their similar background or decedents. The “losing face” concept is simply the fear of abandonment by the community if ever anything shameful happened to them. Even if getting COVID is out of their control, it may still be considered something inferior as it could infect and burden others, hence bring disharmony to the family and community.

3. Public shaming on social media

Public shaming and blaming may have further amplified shame in the Asian community. Social media has spread misinformation, and stigma associated with COVID. Media outlet has become one of the main factors contributing to discrimination and xenophobia. Tens of thousands of misleading headlines and posts with hashtag such as #Chinese virus, #WuhanVirus #KungFlu have been found on Instagram, Twitter, FaceBook and other social media. Such posts have flamed anti-Asian sentiment and acts of anti-Asian attack, violence, and Asian hate crimes. Such social rejection and blaming could easily induce shameful feelings in the Asian community.

Negative Effects of Shame on Mental Health.

Unresolved shame can have catastrophic effects on mental health. Toxic shame have been linked to feelings of isolation, anger, low self-esteem, and self-hatred. These unwanted feelings could lead to depressionanxiety, and suicidal thoughts and behaviors. The recent Asian hate crimes may have instigated more shame, anger, and trauma to  people in the Asian community.  However, the AAPI community are know to have stigma towards mental health and reluctant to seek professional help. Without proper intervention, they are overall at a higher risk both physically and psychologically. 

How To Deal With Shame Associated With COVID

1. Let out the shame.

Asian shameShame derives much of its power from secrecy. The best way to deal with shame is to let it out, not to bottle it up. Sharing your difficult emotions with a family member, a trusted friend, or a member in your community, is very helpful to process your emotions. Talking to others is continual exposure, which is the best intervention to diffuse and reduce difficult emotions. It is also a reminder to distinguish yourself from COVID your illness, as well as the truth about your value from your identity.

2. Journaling is effective against shame.

Journaling allows you to talk to yourself, express your feelings, clear your mind, and sort through the shameful thoughts. By facing your story without shying away, you use your rational mind to own your story. This is a necessary step towards defeating shame and improve shame resilience.

3. Practice relaxation or mindfulness to reduce shame.

This is to calm your central nervous system to clear your mind and recharge your body. Mindfulness and relaxation may be in different forms to alleviate the feeling of shame. When you observe your breathing, walk your dog, take a nap, reading a good book, take a bubble bath, practice yoga, listen to your favorite music, cuddle with your pet, you are immersed in the moment, reconnect with your inner strength, and feel the peace and tranquility to stay away from shame. 

4. Practice self-compassion. 

Self-compassion usually involves positive self-talk or self-affirmation. Shame functions in the way that promotes your brain to negative self-talks. To reduce shame, you will learn to re-program your brain to replace the negative with positive self-talks. When your mind says, “It’s all my fault”, the self-compassionate mind will learn to correct yourself with “I might have made a mistake, but who is perfect? I can always learn from my past and improve myself.”

5. Look for support within your community.

Find a virtual support group, reach out to a cultural or community center, school or youth counselor, sports coach, religious organization, like-minded people on social media, or a respected neighbor in your area.

6. Voice your needs.

If you are outraged by the discriminatory violence and sentiments that lead to shame, you can speak up. Your opinion matters! Sign a petition, engage in the conversation on social media, and find other people who are passionate about putting an end to the wrong that causes the feeling of shame associated with getting COVID. Your advocacy could not only help to alleviate your shameful feelings, but empower other people to fight the inequality.

7. Seek professional help.

You do not need to endure and tough through the feeling of shame alone. Seeking therapy can help you to process your emotions, get treated for symptoms, reduce possible consequences, heal from trauma, accept yourself with compassion, and improve your well-being. It is important to find a psychologist or a therapist who speaks your language and understands your cultural background. 

Our therapists are here to help you to deal with shame and other difficult emotions. Give us a call to schedule an online therapy session to start the journey of healing.

5 Signs That You May Need To See A Therapist

see therapist

You may be thinking, “I’ve managed this long. Do I really need to see a therapist?”

Mental health is tricky because it is invisible; that is, it can sometimes disguise itself as headaches, exhaustion or other physical ailments. This can be especially hard to determine if we are dealing with issues that have been present for a long time. In fact, we may have been raised to believe it is weakness when we cannot “handle” the difficult times that occur through our lives, however, deciding to see a therapist does not mean that we are “broken” or that we have “failed”. Sometimes we just need help—and that’s ok. Maintaining mental health is a part of self-care, and seeing a therapist to get help is not only responsible, but is freeing because you are not doing this alone.

1. Regular coping strategies are no longer enough.

As human beings, we do not exist in a bubble. Actually we are creatures that respond to our environment. Discrimination, financial insecurity, or uncertainty about the future are among the few issues we can face every day, and a global pandemic has only made it worse. Maybe something traumatic has happened recently, or you have experienced the loss of a loved one or something that was once a core part of your identity. When you see a therapist, you can learn the skills you need to reduce depressive and anxiety symptoms or for more effective stress management.

need to see a therapist
Signs you need to see a therapist

2. You have been feeling stuck in life for a long time.

Whether it has been a few weeks, months or years, sometimes negative feelings stick with us for a while. Whether you have been feeling stuck in a relationship, in a marriage, in your job, or in the past, you may feel angry, anxious, or sad most of time. In fact, it does not feel like “you” when those feelings surface. Perhaps you are struggling to connect and communicate with those who are close to you. This does not have to be normal! We can become accustomed to believing that our circumstances and behaviors are fixed. The foundation of therapy centers on you believing that you are capable of change and that you can grow. So use it as an opportunity to find a way to be a better you.

3. It is interfering with your daily activities.

Not taking care of your mental health can have negative effects on your day-to-day livelihood. For example, you may be having trouble sleeping at night or you may stop communicating with your friends and family. Sometimes, it makes it difficult to concentrate or get any work done. As a matter of fact, illness and injury can affect us in similar ways, but we usually take medicine, rest or see a doctor. Your mental health needs just as much support. In other words, psychotherapy can become a part of your self-care routine. Think of it as way of taking care of your mind so that you can continue to experience life in a way that fulfills you.

4. You have developed unhealthy ways to cope.

When life gets tough, we try to find quick and easy ways to make ourselves feel better and get through the day. But not all methods we choose to cope are good for us. Isolation from our family and friends is a typical coping strategy. We may avoid going to work or school because it gives us too much anxiety. In particular, self-harm or over reliance on alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism are causes for concern. We may even seek to be around others who encourage our negative behaviors. When you see a therapist, it offers a way to learn more healthy ways to cope with our problems. Developing more positive habits further strengthens our mental fortitude so that we can better face daily challenges.

5. You need a different kind of support system.

It is great to have family members or a friend you can confide in. Usually they are the first people to know our troubles and our secrets. Sometimes family and friends are too close to the problems that affect us. Understandably we may be afraid to show the people closest to us how we feel because we want their approval. Advice, though well intentioned, can leave you feeling empty. Guidance and planning from a professional can help provide you with the steps you need to maintain your own mental health. That is why you may need someone with an outside perspective. Seeing a therapist not only helps you to get an objective assessment of your struggles, but assists you to get the support you need for your well-being.

See a Therapist in our Practice in New York

If you find yourself or someone you care about experiencing any of the above signs, or you have any questions about psychotherapy, call us free for 15 minutes to schedule an online teletherapy appointment with our psychotherapists in New York, NY. We provide psychotherapy in Chinese, Korean, and English. Let us help you take those first steps to better your mental health.

Special thanks to the contribution of Nicole O’Brien

The Beginner’s Guide to Self-Love

self love
 

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. ~Oscar Wilde

What is self love anyways? Self love is the act of valuing your own happiness and putting your physical, emotional and mental well-being first. In other words, it is acceptance, unconditional support, caring, and compassion for the self.  As cheesy as it may sound, learning to love yourself is one of the most powerful tools to make your life better.

Why is self love important?

Self-love involves acting the same way towards yourself whether everything goes well or when you have a difficult time. Even if you make a mistake, or fail, with self-compassion, you give yourself the same kindness and care you’d give to a good friend. What are the benefits of self-love? Below are some examples:

Self-love motivates you to make healthy decisions in life.

When you hold yourself in high esteem, you’re more likely to choose things that nurture yourself  and serve you well. That is to say, loving yourself can be cultivated to reduce stressanxiety, depression, self-hatred, and image problem. Indeed, it helps to lead to happiness, self-confidence and improved immune function.

Self-love assists you to liberate yourself from constant comparisons.

How many times have you called yourself a “loser”? It could happen when you scroll through Instagram and see a “friend” bragging about their fancy dinner, perfect body, and amazing life. Nevertheless, when you learn to truly love yourself, you know you are enough and you do not see the need to compare yourself to others.

You learn to be more confident

With self compassion and love, it is natural to have self acceptance for who you are non-judgmentally. In other words, it makes it easier to embrace your flaws and forgive your mistakes. Such enhanced confidence can in turn develop your security and compassion towards yourself.

Self-love builds your resilience to go through hard times.

In reality, challenges and mistakes often lead to self-blaming, self-criticism, and self-punishment. How many times did you call yourself names like “I’m so stupid”, “I’m a failure”, “No one likes me”? Generally loving yourself means you learn to talk to yourself the way you would talk to your close friend. In effect, you open your heart to support, encourage, and care with kindness and a gentle tone. 

Self-love expands your vision to develop and maintain a healthy relationship.

Truth be told, the way you treat yourself will teach others how you want to be treated by them. Without enough self compassion, you may be eager to please others and unable to say no. Unfortunately this could easily open the door for others to disrespect you or even abuse you in a relationship. Self-love empowers you to set clear boundaries, communicate assertively, and protect yourself when you need to. All of these pave the way for a healthy relationship of mutual respect and balance.

Write a love letter to yourself

Today, begin your self-love journey by writing a love letter to yourself and be reminded that the biggest love you need is your own! 

Dear me,

I seldom tell you how much I admire you, how beautiful and caring and intelligent and strong you are, that I love you!

I want to hug you, praise you, cherish you, and appreciate you for the incredible person that you are, for all the beauty and life you bring to this world!

I want to be there for you, I want to take good care of you, I want to fight for you, I want to protect you, and I want to accept you for who you are!

Please, do not care what others think, do not be afraid to be different, do not be ashamed of who you are.

You do not need others’ approval, love, or friendship to be whole.

You are enough!

You are worthy!

You are unique!

You are beautiful!

You are great!

You deserve the best!

You matter!

You are allowed to say NO!

I believe in you, and once again,I love you!

Love Forever,

Me

Our psychotherapists are trained to provide expert skills to help you to improve self-love, enhance self-confidence, and maintain a healthy relationship. Call us free for 15 minutes to learn our services and start your journey of self-love and self-compassion.

How to Parent Your Highly Sensitive Child

Is your child a highly sensitive person (HSP)? Do you find it  more challenging to adapt your parenting style to attend to their emotional needs? How do you know you if have a highly sensitive child? Is being sensitive a weakness? What coping strategies are more appropriate for a highly sensitive child?

Signs of an Emotionally Sensitive Child

As a parent, you may have noticed some signs that your child is a highly sensitive person. Some typical signs include:

  • Quickly identify and may be pretty particular about senses stimuli such as noise, sound, light, smell, taste, or texture;
  • Intimidated and easily overwhelmed in front of strangers and a big crowd
  • Take things personally and feel hurt easily when being judged, rejected, and criticized. 
  • Capability to read others’ feelings intuitively
  • Feel and store intense emotions such as anger, sadness, or fear
  • Either bottle up strong emotions by isolating themselves or react strongly to such emotions with acting out behaviors 
  • More prone to get anxious and depressed

Problems Your Highly Sensitive Child may Face

Typically, a highly sensitive child is inherently wired to be highly aware of their environment. This sensitivity makes them pay attention to subtle details, feel deeply, be cautious of the consequences, respond to others’ emotions, and highly empathetic to other’s emotions and distress. However, they may also struggle with issues along with their sensitivity. Specifically, issues may include:

highly sensitive teen
strong emotions teen
  • HSP Burn out.

    Usually, a highly sensitive child can be more vulnerable to stress because they feel their own emotions as well as others’ immensely. With the expectations and social norm of being tough and aggressive, sensitive boys face more challenge of behaving just opposite to his true self.

  • Bullying

    When a sensitive child is perceived as “a crying baby”, or simply different, sometimes they may be targeted on by other kids or more at-risk for bullying. 

  • Self- esteem issue

    Indeed, as a teenager, being “popular” is very important, and yet, a sensitive child may not have too many friends, or they may even isolate themselves. This could easily turn to internalized false beliefs such as “Nobody likes me” and “I will never fit in”.

  • Psychological issues

    When highly sensitive teens have to internalize their intense emotions, psychological issues could arise, for example, anxiety, depression, emotion regulation problems, and acting out behaviors such as anger outburst and self-harm behaviors.

  • Effects on learning: 

    From time to time, a highly sensitive child’s behaviors can be misinterpreted as low motivation or attention deficit by the teachers and parents. Due to their discomfort in participating before strangers or large crowds, they may not express themselves easily or quickly. 

Coping Strategies to Parent your Highly Sensitive Child

1. AWARENESS

First and foremost, knowing and understanding your highly sensitive child is essential for a parent. When you are more aware of your child’s high sensitivity, you do not just see them as “weak” or so anxious. You see the beauty inside your kid, the kindness, empathy, honesty, creativity, and emotional responsiveness. Further, you can help your child to utilize the advantages and strengths to thrive.

2. ACCEPT AND SUPPORT YOUR CHILD. 

Second, unconditional love and support will give your sensitive child the confidence they need to face difficult situations. As parents, you want to understand and accept your sensitive child for who they are, rather than trying to mold them into a less sensitive person. Support also means to teach your child concepts such as how to stand up and  protect themselves from bullies, improve self-esteem, better accept themselves, learn to manage stress, and have a clear sense of personal competence.

3. MODELING COPING BEHAVIOR

Third, parents are the major role models for their sensitive child. For example, model behaviors could include, showing respect, setting limits with others, developing friendships, seeking help when needed, getting physically fit, self care and self, and compassion for better growth. 

4. TEACHING POSITIVE COPING STRATEGIES:

Fourth, negative strategies have short-term effects of avoiding or fighting the problems the wrong way, but in the long run, they usually make things worse and force teens to fall in a vicious cycle. Typical positive stress management skills may include:

positive coping strategies

5. EMOTION REGUALTION SKILLS:

Fifth, emotional regulation refers to one’s ability to regulate strong feelings and react appropriately to situations. To cultivate emotion regulation skills, parents can help their highly sensitive teenager to do the following;

  • Identify mood states and encourage them to engage in exercises which ease them off from their stress. Mindfulness and breathing exercise have large effects on stress reduction, personal growth, and self- acceptance.
  • Validation, that is, gives your teenager a sense of acceptance. This can pave the way for accepting themselves. Parents try not to deny or discredit or teach your teenager how to feel. For instance, if your child says “I hate school”, Don’t say, “Do you know how blessed you are to go to school” Instead try this, “It seems like you had a bad day at school. Do you want to talk about it?”
  • Reflect back the emotions so that they can gain understanding into their own emotions, pros and cons of it as well.

6. PARENTING OF DISCIPLINES RATHER THAN PUNISHMENT

Research has found that parenting based on punishment usually has adverse effect because it is shame-based and reflects parents’ frustration through their yelling and controlling the teens. Punishment could lead to sensitive teenagers’ perception “I am bad”.

On the contrary, gentle discipline is recommended, including strategies such as giving clear rules and having consistent consequences. Such consequences can very well be positive, for example, give compliments, praise, and reward to encourage positive behaviors. 

7. COMMUNICATION WITH SCHOOL

Parents frequently communicate with school teachers and counselors to make sure your teenager’s needs are met at school. Let teachers understand and coordinate accordingly. For example,

  • Highly sensitive teenagers prefer structured lessons, rules and rituals; in situations with more uncertainty, it is important to help them to manage anxiety and maintain balance.
  • In addition, a highly sensitive child may feel overwhelmed in a school environment with auditory and visual chaos. School teachers can allow teens to step out of such chaotic environment if they have to.
  • Have school counselor available if your child may need time to calm down or talk.

Dr. June and her team have great experience working with teens who are highly sensitive. Call us free for 15 minutes and learn about our psychotherapy services to find the best fit for your teenager.

Special thanks to the contribution of our intern Tephila Paul

Online Therapy Questions and Answers

teletherapy

Online therapy is the method most therapists have turned to during this pandemic. Whether you are dealing with mental health issues, or any struggles caused by COVID, talking to an online therapist can help you through these challenging times and improve your overall well-being. Long before corona virus started, Dr. June and her team have used tele-therapy to help a lot of clients. You may be interested in learning more about this medium of therapy. Have questions about online counseling? We got answers for you. 

Is online therapy effective?

You may be skeptical about the effectiveness of therapy behind a screen or through a phone. Research has shown that online therapy can benefit people in the same way as it does in therapy in office when it comes to cope with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and adjustment difficulties, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Through these digital mediums, Similarly, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) through video therapy was proved to be as helpful as in-person therapy in treatment for anxiety and depression. A simple answer to the question, online therapy is as effective as in-person therapy.

How does video therapy work?

Tele-therapy through video calls, or video therapy, may feel the most similar to in-person interaction with a therapist. Video calls simulate face-to-face interaction and, in a time where social isolation is prevalent, this may help to produce a feeling of normality to a client. Meanwhile, video therapy has the benefit of showing your face without a mask. This helps the therapist to see the biggest portion of your body language to detect your feelings. 

What mental health issues can tele-therapy help me with?

Tele-therapy can help to deal with almost all issues in-person therapy covers such as,

  • anxiety in various forms such as generalized anxiety, social anxiety, OCD, PTSD, panic, phobias
  • depression
  • stress
  • anger issues
  • trauma
  • eating disorders
  • emotion regulation
  • relationship issues
  • loss and grief
  • adult ADHD
  • teenager struggles with mental health
  • couples therapy
  • family therapy

Is online therapy confidential? 

Naturally you may be concerned about the confidentiality of your online therapy. Make sure you use HIPAA compliant platforms besides the regular assurance therapists promise in therapy in office. The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services has compiled a list of platforms that are HIPAA compliant. The top 5 platforms are:

  • Zoom for Healthcare,
  • Doxy.me,
  • Simple Practice
  • Thera-LINK
  • VSee

Dr. June and her team use Zoom for Healthcare to ensure it is HIPAA compliant and protect your confidentiality.

Can we have online couples therapy? 

Yes, online therapy can benefit couples as well. When couples live in the same house, sitting together and communicating through a singular device can simulate an in-person therapy session. In fact, having to sit closer together for visibility on the camera may even make the couple feel more connected during the session; physical closeness can indicate how emotionally in touch partners feel with each other. This closeness can be important for experiencing “eye-contact and physical touch” during the session. 

In particular, online couples therapy seems more convenient and beneficial if you are in a long-distance relationship. Tele-therapy gives these couples a platform to receive therapy even though they are geographically separated. Although they cannot sit next to their partner and benefit from the physical closeness, online couples therapy may increase their understanding of each other and themselves. Clients can “see not only their partner’s nonverbal behavior, but their own as well,” through the device’s screen. Clients are able to experience what they look like from their partner’s point of view; this may help the partners work on their own “maladaptive behaviors” and better understand the other’s perspective.

How do I pay?

You can make payments online for tele mental health. This can be accomplished using a credit card or other types of electronic payment transfer. Square and Ivy Pay seem to be more popular credit card platform among many therapists on tele-therapy. 

Are there any differences between online and in-person therapy?

Understandably you may miss the cozy and private space in your therapist’s office. You can pour your heart out and share your feelings freely with your therapist. Not being in the same room as your therapist during your session seems to be the most glaring difference between online and in-person therapy. Video therapy is a way to recreate that same face-to-face feeling. Besides, some people may feel more comfortable sharing their emotions behind a screen, which might help them convey their deeper thoughts more readily. Although most therapists prefer being in-person to observe a client’s cues and body language more clearly, video therapy still allows for the client’s face/ facial expressions to be visible.  

What are the advantages of online therapy?

  • There is no more commute from your office all the way to your therapist’s office, which means you don’t need to worry about being late for your session
  • No risk running into a co-worker in the waiting area outside of your therapist’s office
  • You can sit or even lie comfortably in your own couch to talk to your therapist
  • It is convenient even if you have to travel out of town 
  • If you have social anxiety or agoraphobia, tele-therapy could be a better option for you to initially manage your fear of talking to your therapist’s receptionist.

I live in a small apartment with roommates or a partner in NYC, what can I do?

  • Communicate with the people you live with about your privacy concerns.
  • Ask your roommate to go on a walk during your 45-minute session,
  • Ask them to put headphones on while you are talking to your therapist.
  • You can use headphones during the session; this will make your therapist’s voice only available to your ears.
  • Play a white noise machine or app to help mask the conversation from other people. 
  • Type your questions or responses on the Zoom screen if you have to

How to prepare for my online therapy session?

  • Find a quiet, safe, and private place to talk to your therapist. 
  • Ensure stable internet access and a charged device to speak to your therapist will make your experience in your session run smoothly.
  • Put devices in your house on silent or low volume to minimize distraction.
  • Do what makes you feel comfortable – wear comfortably and sit in your favorite fluffy chair, in your car, or even lie in couch.
  • Prepare some tissue just in case you may need. Have water or coffee in front of you.
  • Have a pen and paper (if you still use them) or simply your phone ready to take notes in session

Dr. June and her team aim to provide the best online therapy experience you are looking for. Call us free for 15 minutes and book your session. Your online therapy session is hopefully bringing you one step closer to achieving your most successful and happy self. Be proud of yourself for looking to support. Good luck with your online therapy experience.

LSpecial thanks to the contribution of Victoria Gallo, B.A. in Psychology from The College of New Jersey.

How to Fight Depression Without Medication?

fight depression

When we all have to use self isolation to protect our health during this quarantine time,  depression is reported to occur at a higher rate. What does depression feel like? It usually affects our daily functioning and manifests through thoughts, behaviors, mood, and physical symptoms

  • In mood, you may feel sad, agitated, lonely, helpless, and hopeless;
  • In behaviors, you may withdraw and isolate yourself, easily throw temper tantrum, tend to use alcohol or drugs;
  • Physically, you could have sleep and appetite issues, easily feel tired, have low energy level, feel “lazy”, numb, sluggish, and loss of interest.
  • In terms of thinking, your concentration and memory may even be affected. You tend to have negative thoughts like “I’m a failure”, “I am useless”, “No one likes me”.

How to fight depression without medication? Many people found this tool GRAPES helpful to boost motivation and alleviate depression.  GRAPES stands for the following acronyms:

  • Gentle with Yourself
  • Relaxation
  • Accomplishment
  • Pleasure
  • Exercise
  • Social

GENTLE with yourself – Use self compassion

Gentle with yourself, simply put, is to improve self compassion. When you are hard on yourself and use those negative thoughts to judge, criticize, and blame yourself,  it is important to remember, you will not be so harsh to a friend. Therefore, to fight depression without medication, it is essential to remind yourself to change the way you talk to yourself to that  you talk to a friend. You will notice the different tone and choice of words. Such difference can help you to use positive self affirmations such as:

  • I am kind.
  • I love myself!
  • I am beautiful inside and out.
  • I am proud of who I am!
  • This is no easy job but I made it!
  • I will achieve my goals!
  • I deserve to be appreciated!

RELAXATION – Mindfulness Meditation Practice

To fight depression without medication, relaxation is a very important tool. You can practice relaxation almost anywhere. Take breathing exercise for example, paying attention to your inhale and exhale can give you both emotional and physical release. Deep breathing increases circulation, releases endorphins, and relaxes muscles. When you use relaxation to create a mindful moment, you are able to pay attention to what you are experiencing right here and right now. This way, your negative thinking turn its direction when you do not have to focus on the depression negative spiral. You are immersed in the moment, reconnect with your inner strength, and feel the peace and tranquility.

Relaxation is to use mindfulness for depression to calm your central nervous system, clear your mind, and recharge your body. Relaxation may also be taking a nap, reading a good book, taking a shower or a bubble bath, practicing yoga, swimming and feeling the water, enjoying your favorite music, cuddling with your pet, taking care of your plant, sewing, making your tea, slowly having coffee, preparing a meal, having some snacks, or simply sitting under the sun and feeling sunshine warming up your body. You may find some Apps such as HeadSpace and Calm helpful with a few minutes of relaxation exercise every day. Many YouTube videos can also guide you to practice meditation and mindfulness.

ACCOMPLISHMENT – Use an Activity Schedule

Accomplishment does not have to be as big as you walk on the moon or won Nobel Prize. It may be as small as you planned to walk outside and you actually did it. Having a daily routine is essential to fight depression naturally. Making lists or write down a daily activity schedule can allow you to visualize what tasks you actually have to do for that day or week. Even better, you can cross them off! Research shows that by checking something off a list, the brain produces dopamine, the happy hormone, to reduce depression. This could make you feel good with more energy and want to do more. A list can also be made via a mental health or motivation app on your smart phone. Even if it’s ‘brush teeth’ or ‘have a shower’, you’ll start to feel better once you’ve crossed it off.

Set small goals and reward yourself when you accomplish them. When depression drains your motivation, you have to work to create new incentive to replace what existed naturally before your mental health deteriorated. This starts with small and achievable goal setting. For example, your goal could be cleaning out your closet. If you succeed in that, reward yourself by cooking your favorite meal or watching an episode of the latest TV show. This process of small accomplishments and rewards will help restore your motivation. 

PLEASURE – Focus on your Hobbies

Depression may feel like depriving fun out of your life. What you used to enjoy doing may not sound appealing any more. Pleasure is about having fun and joy again. Encouraging yourself to plan something fun to do is a good start. Many activities can bring you pleasure, Dancing, listening to music, coloring, gardening, watching a YouTube channel, reading, eating gourmet food, having sex, cuddling a pet, and enjoying a hobby. Music for example, has been found to reduce symptoms of depression in many research studies. It can boost your mood and make you more aware of your emotions overall. This is said to be done as music releases dopamine, a chemical which increases pleasure. 

EXERCISE – Natural Antidepressant

Exercise as a treatment for depression has been highly recommended because research evidence has shown enough support that beating depression with exercise proves viable. Combining exercise with antidepressant medication is also considered an evidence-based treatment. Exercise does not have to be at the gym, especially during the COVID pandemic when gyms are mostly closed. It is simply “get moving” when you can keep social distance. This could be from the bedroom to the living room, going for a run, or taking a walk outside, whatever you feel you are capable of doing.

When you struggle with depression, one of the biggest challenges is not wanting to move from your cozy cocoon called bed. You have made it your safe haven where you feel comfy and safe but staying there will only demotivate you more. If you can encourage yourself to go outside, the fresh air clear your mind and reset your brain a little. If outside is too much, tell yourself to sit in a different room and open a window. 

SOCIAL – Reduce Isolation

Human beings are social animals and isolation could cause depression. With the continuation of the Coronavirus pandemic, it is not your choice to self isolate, but you might be feeling the social isolation or withdrawal, which can make anyone feel demotivated and depressed. How to prevent a depression spiral while quarantined? This is high time that you use those apps to stay connected, FaceTime, Zoom, Google Hangout, Skype, WhatsApp, you name it. Using FaceTime to connect with a friend or loved one can instantly make you feel less alone. You don’t need to talk about anything important, just a simple chitchat with someone you care about will make you feel more at ease.

When you try all the above strategies and still find it difficult to manage your depression, there is still a great option of talking to a therapist. Our depression specialists use evidence-based therapy approach like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness to help you to understand triggers of your depression, manage stress, improve awareness of your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings, and learn coping skills to reduce depression effectively. Call us free for 15 minutes to schedule your online therapy sessions.

Special thanks to the contribution of Alexandra Jame

How to Improve your Mental Health in 2021

During the incredibly difficulty year 2020, people experience collective trauma, tremendous stress, loss, and grief that significantly contribute to anxiety, depression and other mental health conditions. Now when we started 2021, we all hope it can be different, at least hopefully COVID would not affect so many people. It is crucial to prioritize your mental health to adapt and to thrive. In order to boost and maintain your mental health in 2021, it is important to practice the following 7 strategies: 

1. Reflection and Resolutions

Reflection:

Reflecting on 2020 may help to improve your resilience. Acknowledge everything positive in the past year, no matter how small they are, and list as many as you can. Things like: “I went on a daily walk,” “I had a nice zoom date,” “I finished an interesting book” could bring the happier parts of 2020 to the forefront of your mind.

Acknowledge that 2020 was a challenging time, and not being hard on yourself is so important too. When you are reflecting on the harder parts of the year, remember to give yourself grace. Be proud that you made it through the year, and recognize how resilient you are! When you are finished with your list, pick out what you want to bring into the new year (i.e., walks with friends, developing a hobby) and what you would rather leave behind.

Resolutions based on bettering yourself:

When making goals and plans for the new year, be sure to include ways to improve your mental health. Enhancing your mental health should be your top priority and needs to be prioritized for all of your other resolutions to be accomplished. Try doing the next items in this list to boost your mental health in 2021.

2. Focus on the basics.

Focus on your basic needs like eating, sleeping and getting physical activity is important for your mental health.

Healthy eating

Many people gain weight during the pandemic. Eating disorder is also associated with disturbed eating habit when we work, sleep, eat, socialize, and school all at home. Healthy eating is not only about regular meal time, nutritional food, but also about mindful eating.  Eating mindfully is to eat at least one meal without distractions. Just focus on your food, the shape, the size, the color, the smell, the taste, and the feel when you chew and swallow. No phones, no computers, no TV, etc., By doing so, eating can be truly relaxing and enjoyable.

Keep sleep hygiene

Staying at home and difficulty separating home from work can lead to irregular sleep pattern. On top of that, stress, trauma and new challenges are other factors that disturb our sleep. Since sleep quality is linked to mental health, getting enough sunlight for a normal circadian rhythm, developing a sleep routine, reducing use of your smart phone before sleep, and practicing relaxation techniques will help you to sleep better.

Physical Activity and Exercise

When you are active, endorphins are released in your body. Endorphins can help improve your mood and make you feel good!Try and find activities you have fun doing; this will keep you excited to get out there and get moving! Some ways to stay active can be walking daily, following fitness instructors online and completing their workout videos, or practicing yoga. You can even ask a friend to do a video call during your workouts to keep each other motivated and increase your social interaction!

3. Self-care and hobbies

Self-care can look different for everyone. Find activities or hobbies that make you happy, and try to make time for them every day – even if it’s only for 5 to 10 minutes. It may go from positive affirmations, skincare, listening to music, to watching a reality show, gardening, yoga, or following a YouTuber to dance.  

Hobbies can help alleviate stress and create bonds with people who share the same interest. Like journaling, finding activities you enjoy doing is another way to deepen your understanding of yourself and your interests. Practicing self-care can improve your overall well being in so many ways! Implementing these five activities can be a great way to focus on your mental health in 2021!

4. Social support system

The pandemic makes seeing friends and family challenging, but try your best to keep up with loved ones this year. 

Practice social activities at a distance

Participate in some outdoor activities with family or friends, that helps you to maintain a safe distance and still socialize with people. If you like hiking, biking, walking, running, are a great way to enjoy social time while still following public health orders. 

Talk to your loved ones

Phone calls, video calls, and Zoom meetings can help you maintain this contact! New research has shown that “people felt significantly more connected when they communicated by talking than by typing” . Find a loved one you trust and whom you feel comfortable talking to honestly. Look for someone who is willing to listen. Try to interact with people who lift your spirits and help you access the best version of yourself. Remember to do the same for them!

5. Journaling

Journaling is a creative way to express yourself and put your feelings into words. Researchers in positive psychology found that taking time to write down what you are feeling while using “positive affect prompts” has been shown to reduce stress. Journaling can also help remind you of what you are grateful for. Research has shown that focusing on gratitude can increase happiness, health, and productivity while decreasing stress . 

6. Practice Mindfulness

Isolation at home, taking care of your family while working from home, job loss, having financial strain during the pandemic, death of a loved one, these can all be stressful. How you manage the stress is crucial to finding respite from the pandemic.

Mindfulness can be great for many people and there are many forms of meditation that you can practice. Whether you like to take a moment to focus on your breathing, or some art work, do gardening, walking, cooking, singing, dancing, sipping your coffee, the key is to stay in the moment non-judgmentally, feel the peace and tranquility in the present. When you schedule a regular time to practice mindfulness on a daily basis, it is like taking a mini mental vacation to clear your mind. 

7. Talk to a professional

Sometimes, one of the best things you can do to prioritize your mental health is simply reaching out to a mental health professional and getting therapy. Psychotherapy is an excellent way to explore your emotions in-depth, identify your stressors,  receive an accurate diagnosis, learn coping skills, and better manage your mood, thoughts, and behaviors.

If psychotherapy is in your plan to improve mental health this year, call us free for 15 minutes to schedule an online teletherapy appointment with our therapists in New York NY. We provide psychotherapy in Chinese, Korean, and English. We would love to be part of the assistance to achieve your mental health goal in 2021

Whatever you end up doing this year, whether that’d be starting your first gratitude journal or calling a friend on the phone, try your best to do things that spark happiness. You deserve to have a fulfilling year and to make the best out of 2021!

Special thanks to the contribution of Victoria Gallo, B.A. in Psychology from The College of New Jersey.

8 Tips To Feel Your Emotions

need a good cry

How do you feel your emotions? How to get in touch with your emotions? Little kids express their emotions they way they are. They laugh when they are happy; cry when they are unhappy. As you grow up, you start to hide and bury your feelings because you were taught sadness, anger, frustration, and fear are “negative feelings“, therefore, you should not “burden other people” with negativity. The end result? Those “negative emotions” could accumulate to the point its intensity makes you want to explode. You could end up suffering from tremendous stress. In other words, suppressing emotions or turning them off does not make the emotions go away.

Some people tend to be better at recognizing their true feelings, but practice and attention can help you obtain the same superpower as a natural gift. Here are some of the strategies that you can apply to deal with your feelings instead of burying them.

1.  Accept or Acknowledge Emotions without Judgment.

Emotions are inevitable and a normal part of our everyday life. They apparently exist for a good reason. In fact, emotions are powerful indicators of our needs, goals, longings, and desires. you feel your emotions on a daily basis. Apparently they are essential for your safety, better survival, effectiveness for day to day activities, motivation to change, and more skills to be stronger. Although you do not like to feel sad, sadness is a typical emotion when you have grief, loss, or rejected.

Let go of shame. It is hard to feel your emotions when you are afraid of them, confused by them, or ashamed of them. Remind yourself, being “emotional” is very natural, human, and healthy. Actually it is normal. In other words, tell yourself it is OK to have emotions, even intense ones. 

2. Feel your Emotions

In order to truly feel your emotions, you may first practice saying how you feel out loud to yourself, “I feel sad,” “I feel angry,” or “I feel hurt.”

How to feel your emotions? Have a space for yourself where you feel safe, cozy, and comfortable when you experience your emotions. Have blankets and pillows around as well as images and symbols of being held, protected, loved. At times when you feel “I want to cry so bad”, or “I need to release anger,” maybe it is time you let your emotions out. If you prefer to feel your emotions privately, tell your family and loved ones that you need some alone time, or make sure your roommates are not home.

3. Practice self-compassion and self-care.

If we don’t learn to care for ourselves, we may encounter stress in our lives, resulting in a breakdown. Treat yourself like treating a good friend. Say to yourself, like telling your heart-broken friend, ‘it’s OK to cry,’ encouraging others to speak out when they have difficulty expressing emotions. In other words, be kind and compassionate to yourself. By doing so, we admit that we are facing a problem(s), and we can calm ourselves through reassuring words. 

We sometimes take our pain as a sign that something is wrong with us or that other people are different. To err is human; thus, all human suffers, or to put it further, a part of the human experience is to fail and suffer. There is no pain that we have endures that others have not yet experienced; the same applies to various emotions. 

4.  Confront the cause of your emotions honestly.

Failure to do so may lead to self-pity or self-doubt, which wreak havoc on both your personal and romantic relationships in the long term. By concentrating your energy on reducing the real cause of your negative feelings, you are more likely to resolve the hidden worries, problems that you may not have known in the first place. A case in point would be when you can’t let go of a broken relationship and become anxious and emotional every once in a while. It becomes high time to ask yourself: am I terrified of ending the relationship, or am I worry about being alone for the rest of my life, or am I indeed having a difficult time in my career?

5. Journaling

Journaling and other forms of self-expression are useful in locating your genuine emotions. It is one of human’s basic needs to express ourselves – people demonstrate their strong desire to express themselves. Hence, various forms of self-expression, including writing, drawing, singing, or dancing have all been proved to be beneficial in recognizing your hidden feelings. Take journaling for example. Writing your feelings down and keeping a journal not only helps you connect with emotions at the moment, but also allows you to practice describing them to yourself before you share them with others. Be genuine to yourself to your emotions’ nuances when writing them down; for example, disappointment can easily be disguised as anger. 

6. Mindfulness

Being mindful is being fully aware of the real feelings you are experiencing without avoidance or judgment. It is important that you acknowledge your negative feelings as part of your experience; you do not stick to or run away from them; in turn, you give yourself a reality check.

For instance, when you don’t get the dream job for which you applied. To practice mindfulness, you need first to find a quiet place, take a deep breath, and then pay attention to what you feel about the loss of opportunity. You may discern both disappointment and sadness, try not to push them away or attempt to remedy the emotions, just hear them out. 

As you experience these seemingly negative emotions, you would tell yourself that it is difficult to feel both disappointed and sad simultaneously. Meanwhile, you can give yourself a comforting touch, for instance, holding your own hands. This way, you would not dwell on your thoughts about your performance in the interview or anything about the job.

7, Talk to people, make use of your social support system.

Suppressing emotional expressions often links to lower social support, lower intimacy level with others, and lower satisfaction with yourself. In contrast, resort to social support and the social network to feel your emotions and to survive the hard time, such as concern, empathy, and affection. To put it in a nutshell, we benefit from resorting to social support in coping with emotions. For example, when you experience sadness or grief, it could meet your needs for connection, comfort, and satisfaction by snuggling with animals and connecting with people. 

8. Therapy.

Your therapist, without a doubt, plays a vital role in your support system. Especially when you have been buried your emotions for an extended period, feeling your emotions upfront can be painful and overwhelming. Sometimes before you learn to cope with how you genuinely feel, things can seem to get worse. Seek help from your therapist to truly embrace the healing power of being more in touch with your emotions.

The therapists in our team are here to help. Give us a free 15-minute phone call, we would love to work with you to feel your emotions again.

Special thanks to the contribution of our intern, Ms. Wenqi (Vinky) Qiu